TYFA on Dr. Oz this Thursday

Kim Pearson from TYFA (Transgender Youth Family Allies) wants to remind everyone that Dr. Oz will have a transgender youth episode this Thursday. There is a preview up on the Dr. Oz website. Kim says, "This will be the best 15 minutes on transkids and their families that you have ever seen on national television," so, set your recorder!!!

Taxed

One of the big headlines of today is the announcement from the IRS that transition related surgeries are now tax deductible. Yay! I'm also glad that Rhiannon's battle has finally come to a close. Her fight has cleared the way for so many of us to officially get a tax break on some of the financial burden of transition.

Speaking of taxes, now that my W-2's have come in and I've plugged them into TurboTax, it says I owe both the government and the state of California quite a bit of money. Not so yay!!! Of course, I knew this was going to happen. Most of this is due to the large severance payment I received when I was laid off last year, having to cash out my stock options since I no longer worked for the company, and the 3 months I claimed unemployment checks but had no taxes taken out of them. I'm going to owe a few thousand dollars in total...but most surprising is that I owe more to California than the federal government...go figure.

The new job has been going well, although the commute kinda sucks. I've been through almost all of the training and have been working my way into the ranks of actually doing something. Now that my current 3 month lease is coming to a close (I signed a 3 month lease since I was unsure of the job situation 3 months ago), I've found a new place to move into that is closer to work. It also means I'm leaving behind the area I have called home for the past 8 years. I'm going to miss this part of the Bay Area. Sure, I'm going to relish the 2 hours per day of my life that I will be getting get back by not having a long ass commute, but I will still miss my familiar scenary.

I am only considering the area I am moving to as a temporary stay until I can hopefully find a place to buy. Yes, buy. It's hella expensive here, but I need to finally look at buying a place considering the low interest rates and the fact that I'm not getting any younger. With a 30 year mortgage, I wouldn't finish paying it off until I am 70 years old. Sheesh...I'm getting old. The hard part is figuring out how to keep myself marketable for the next 30 years and hold on to a decent job.

Breaking News

According to an email I just received, the TGSF 2010 Cotillion has been cancelled. I wasn't there for the committee's decision, but there are a number of reasons for the cancellation. One...there were no contestants. Two...the economy still sucks. I'll have to find out what pushed them to the final decision.

The lack of contestants is something we have been discussing for a while now. It's actually been mentioned jokingly that I would have to continue on as Ms. TGSF since there would not be anyone to take over that role.

I had actually been planning to mention much of this in my farewell message before ending my reign, so I may have to write it out simply for posting here. I was thinking about using a "Ghost of Cotillion ______" theme, but hadn't finalized it since the Cotillion theme dealt with 2010: A Trans Odyssey.

Anyway, I'll write more when I find out the details, but I wanted to mention it. I know some friends went shopping for their gowns already. I looked last weekend, but couldn't find anything I liked. Now, I'm kinda glad I sucked at shopping.

Posted from my iPhone.

O M G

So, I'm just sitting in my cube working on a little data collection project a few days ago. Work has been going OK and I'm finally starting to work on some projects. Up until the past week or so, though, it's mainly been training sessions and whatever else I can find to stay busy...especially during the holidays.

I ran into one guy my first week who used to work at my old company, but we didn't really know one another...he just looked familiar, but I don't think he recognized who I was when I was introduced.

I ran into another guy in the hallway who was on his cellphone and we both kinda did a doubletake at one another. After chatting, we realized that we both worked in the same building at my old company. I think he was actually there when I transitioned, but I'm not exactly sure.

I also got an internal call from a woman who I networked with prior to getting my current job. She was at my old company when I was hired on and was there through my transition until leaving a few years ago. I listed her name as having referred me for the position, and hopefully she received a nice little monetary award for doing so.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, sitting at my cube. All of a sudden, I hear:

"Hello Ms. Flynn."

Out from the side of my cube appears R...the same R I went out with about this time last year...the same guy I came out to on the 3rd date.

My jaw literally dropped. It was his first day on the job and he had moved into a cube three cubes down from myself. I have to admit, I know that my industry is very interconnected, but this...come on now...this is a bit extreme.

Safe spaces

I made a mistake this New Years that hurt someone. It wasn't a physical hurt, but more of a trustful hurt.

We all make mistakes. If I could take it back, I would...in a heartbeat. If I could have changed how things unfolded, I would have. I wish things would have been different...but they aren't.

And now I have hurt the trust built between the two of us.

I have a hard time lying. Always have. And, in this case, I thought we were in a safe space. I was wrong.

We transsexuals can be so fragile. Our securities are not held at banks or in trusts...we wear them like paper hats and expect them to keep the rain off of us. Most importantly, though, we never expect our friends to pull our hats off.

Hanging out after practice

This is a post I drafted earlier this summer, but didn't post until now. It's almost resprentative of this past year.

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We had a BBQ after practice today, and somehow one of my teammates got on the subject of a male to female transsexual in her women's locker room at a local gym...and how she still had her package. My teammate basically said that MTF transsexuals shouldn't be in the women's locker room while they still have it. Another of my teammates mentioned that they wouldn't have much success going in the male locker room either.

And thus is the story for a lot of transsexuals. Our society is built on the notion of 2 sexes...not the grayness that surrounds them. Being naked in society while pre-op or a non-op can be difficult, especially when in non-gray areas. It was one of the reasons why I didn't venture too far from the gray-friendly areas during the twilights of my transition. While one sun set, I waited for the other sun to rise before moving too far out into the world.

I feel privileged that I was able to listen in on my teammates' conversation considering that I belong to the grayness. I have had 2 teammate's transitions come out over the past year or so and it has been a very interesting experience. I have had the opportunity to see how my teammates respond, and typically, they have done fairly well. I knew they would, though...and even if any of them have issues, it appears there aren't any major issues.

Via the network of transsexuals, one of my former teammates now knows about my own previous transition, but nothing else has been said. I don't know if it will affect me in the future or not, but I can't let it bug me.

I just have to be me...grayness and all.

Avatar

I saw Avatar last week in IMAX 3D. It was worth every dollar. There were stunning visuals, spectacular visuals, insane visuals, and fantastic visuals.

But behind the visuals, there was still a decent story. I won't spoil it here, but I'm sure plenty of people have already seen the previews. A human has a big blue alien body he can "live in". The aliens take him in and give him a bunch of tests before they let him become one of them.

Real life tests.

Get where I'm going with this? It seems like we all have to prove ourselves before we're accepted as one of the girls (or boys). Remember that new kid that moved into school in school? When did they become one of the gang? Or that new kid that joined the sports team...when did it feel like they were one with the team?

I've had a recent discussion with a coupe of friends recently about "regendering". One of the women says that once a person genders us, we cannot be regendered. Basically, once someone knows you as male, nothing you can do during transition will ever let them regender you as female. I say hogwash. I think over time, transitioners "pass" these tests that people have made up in their minds which allows them to become one of the girls (or guys). Sure, there are people that never allow a transitioner to pass these tests, but I think there are lots of people that do.

What are some of these tests? Some of it is general looks and feel, voice, lack of masculinity (or femininity), clothing style, poise, attitude, social skills, and just a general vibe of who a person is.

Beyond all of that, though, I still believe there are people that don't look with their eyes, but with their hearts.