8:00pm - Amber's just been brought into her recovery room - the room she'll spend the next day on bed rest. She was supposed to go into surgery about mid-afternoon, but I don't think she made it into surgery until around 5pm. Mom and I sat with her in the staging area from around 2:30 until about 4 when I went upstairs to dilate. Mom stayed with Amber.
Just as I was about to dilate and I was sitting in the chair with my pants at my knees, there is a knock at my door and a 'Hello, it's me' from a male voice. I yell, "I'm dilating" before I recognize that it's Dr. Meltzer. He says, "It's OK, I don't think you can embarrass me with anything."
Frankly, I'm OK with about anyone seeing the surgical site and being there for dilation, but I do try to keep it fairly private so that I won't conditionally make vaginal intercourse a chore instead of something pleasurable. (I've found soft jazz music to be the best atmosphere in which to dilate thus far.) I've also had Amber take numerous pictures of my vagina during different points of recovery, so I guess some of it has more of a documentary type aspect.
So, Dr. Meltzer takes a brief look at things and I tell him that I have pain getting around the PC muscle and when the dilator hits the very top. He says I'm the second patient to tell him about the top pain today.
I'm trying to shoo him back downstairs since I know Amber is waiting, but then we talked a little about depth. I mention that I have about 5 1/4" to the vaginal opening and at least another 1/2" of labial tissue. He says that tissue will help create the total vaginal cavity after labiaplasty and that I should have adequate depth. I tell him I'm not even sure I'll need it since I don't know if I like guys or not. Anyway, I finally shoo him off and start dilating before there is another knock at the door and my scream that "I'm dilating." This time it's Janet from Dr. Meltzer's office so she just walks right in since she was the one who dilated me yesterday. We had a small conversation while I kept pressure on the end of the dilator and made circles with the end. She suggested buying a vibrator of sorts and I told her that Amber gave me a rubber ducky that vibrates. (I heard she was going to get me the red devil ducky - since I'm so mean - but they were out.)
In the past day, though, I've realized I can't feel my clitoris, but if I touch and press down on the area around it, I definitely get some good sensations from nerves that used to be connected to the glans. I've also noted decent shaft sensation on the area right above the clitoris. I've been told, though, that feeling should return to the clitoris after the swelling goes down and things have healed a little more.
Monday, February 28, 2005
Sunday, February 27, 2005
Day 9 - Dilation
9:45am - Janet from Dr. Meltzer's office just called and said she'd be by in about an hour. She said she was 'stopping by to dilate me.' I knew it was coming and that this Sunday dilation was not the normal day for this. (She was flying out Monday night to Vegas for her day off on Tuesday and knew it would be difficult to do three dilations in one day.)
I was having a bowel movement after breakfast this morning and felt the urge to pee even though I'd just unhooked from the foley bag. So, I relaxed my muscles that keep me from peeing knowing that the catheter plug will prevent anything from coming out. As I did, I felt urine coming out of the sutured area. I quickly activated my muscles again to keep urine from going all over.
I told the nurse out front what had happened and she said that sometimes happens. She actually made it sound like good news since things weren't swollen enough to prevent urine from escaping.
Noon - Lunch has just arrived, just as I had wrapped up my first dilation session. Janet arrived about 11am and we were able to finish inside an hour. First, she cut the sutures that held the labia together after having applied a warm washcloth to 'loosen them up.' It felt a little uncomfortable and there were a few shoots of pain. Having the packing then pulled out was very unique. She said to keep the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscle relaxed so she could get it out, but there is no way in hell someone can do that. I told her it was hard to do that, but she said I had to. I didn't, but she didn't seem to have any problems getting all of it out. It felt like a cross between taking a dump and someone putting a lot of pressure on the perineum, but with a hint/dash of pain.
Next up, she dug all the dilation stuff out: the dilators 1 (1" diameter - 25mm), 2 Tapered (1.125" - 29mm), 2, 3 (1.25" - 32mm), and 4 (1.375" - 35mm)) that were nestled in their terrycloth pocket pouch, the Surgilube, the mirror, and later, the douche kit. She dug out #1, but talked about the tapered #2 as well.
She first went over the new anatomy - CUV - Clitoris, Urethra, and Vagina. It looks damn ugly. I should send a picture back to the kids at UC Berkeley. The labia is swollen and really misshaped. The clitoris, which I can't feel, is smaller than Amber's but Janet says mine is a very decent size. The urethra still has the catheter line coming out of it, but there is this charcoal material all around the entrance. The vagina is also pretty ugly looking.
It's amazing looking at it in relation to where things used to be...especially how the penis shaft is tucked down into the vagina. (JoanB calls it genital origami.) My cleared zone of hair above the penis shaft may be too much, but we'll see how things settle after the swelling goes down.
The mons (pooch) area is still very swollen and she showed me the sutures that are attached just above the mons area that are holding things in place. Amber had two divots, but it looks like I only have one...possibly indicating that I already busted one.
As I was waiting for Janet this morning, I looked at Amber's journal from this last year and the method used to relax for dilation and entry of the dilators. I'd already dug out some jazz on the laptop, and thinking back to the Vagina Monologues, I almost wanted to play 'Let's Get It On' by Marvin Gaye when we started dilation...but I obviously didn't prepare well enough nor does this stupid internet connection in the room allow me to access iTunes on my computer. Oh well.
She checked inside my vagina with her fingers first then loaded up #1 with a bunch of Surgilube. In it went and I felt the dilator move past the PC muscle. It was definitely uncomfortable and a bit painful. We didn't keep it in very long, but she pulled it out and wiped it off. She placed some Bacitracin on the tip and had me smooth it all around. I then placed Surgilube on the bent area of the dilator and smoothed it all around. Then she had me locate the entrance of my vagina with the mirror and insert the dilator. Getting it past the PC muscle is definitely not fun. It hurt pretty good to hold it in the full '15 minutes' which actually ended up being 20 minutes since we were talking. Pulling it out is also kinda uncomfortable, until it's past the PC muscle. What's amazing, though, is that at some point, this is supposed to feel good...really good. Hmmm...that's not going to happen for a while.
We cleaned up and that was about it. She'd already gone over some of the directions but went over them again as well as the douching instructions.
10pm - Dr. Meltzer stopped by this afternoon and took a look at things. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I think he just makes sure to make an appearance in case things aren't going ok. Things are OK, pretty much, so sometimes he'll just ask if he needs to look at things or not. He looked today since the labial sutures have been removed and all of it is exposed. He said things looked pretty decent and were healing well. I also asked him about the peeing around the catheter thing, and he said about the same as Janet and the nurse. He also said that of his patients that have had that, all of them have been able to pee when they took the catheter out. Hopefully that is a good sign for this Wednesday. I'd hate to be the first that doesn't.
I also asked him about the lump I had near my right testicle. I think he said it was a verrucose lump and that I had veins running all through the area - probably from weight lifting. I told him I didn't do that much when I was younger, but I have been running and exercising for quite a while.
I'd noted my vaginal depth around 5 1/4 - 5 1/2" from the first dilation (Janet said this might decrease as the swelling went down) and asked him how deep he thought I was. He said it was hard to tell with his equipment, but after I told him the noted measurements, he said it sounded right.
The bruising on my left side is definitely more prominent, so I asked him about it. He said he had to cut a little higher in that area to release the spermatic cord.
So, I have dilated on my own twice, now. The first time with Janet hurt at least 10 minutes when first starting. The session this afternoon hurt for about the first 5 minutes, and even less on the dilation I just wrapped up. Most of the pain comes from the PC muscle and somewhere deep when I continue to push on the dilator. I dilated around 11am with Janet, and spaced out today's dilations to 4pm and 9pm. I'll dilate again at 2am (I have my phone set and a wakeup call with my nurse) and sometime in the morning...hopefully around 7am if I can get up by then. The first day they require 5 dilations, but then it reduces to 4 per day for the first month. It then reduces to twice a day for the following two months, then once a day for another three months. After that, it's just once a week for the rest of my life.
I also switched over to my own cotton panties - ones that I bought for this trip. I bought slightly larger ones - and stuff cheaper than my normal ones since I'll proably just toss these. My booty seems to prefer the cotton ones a lot better than the mesh underwear. I probably should have switched to these a few days ago.
I was having a bowel movement after breakfast this morning and felt the urge to pee even though I'd just unhooked from the foley bag. So, I relaxed my muscles that keep me from peeing knowing that the catheter plug will prevent anything from coming out. As I did, I felt urine coming out of the sutured area. I quickly activated my muscles again to keep urine from going all over.
I told the nurse out front what had happened and she said that sometimes happens. She actually made it sound like good news since things weren't swollen enough to prevent urine from escaping.
Noon - Lunch has just arrived, just as I had wrapped up my first dilation session. Janet arrived about 11am and we were able to finish inside an hour. First, she cut the sutures that held the labia together after having applied a warm washcloth to 'loosen them up.' It felt a little uncomfortable and there were a few shoots of pain. Having the packing then pulled out was very unique. She said to keep the PC (Pubococcygeus) muscle relaxed so she could get it out, but there is no way in hell someone can do that. I told her it was hard to do that, but she said I had to. I didn't, but she didn't seem to have any problems getting all of it out. It felt like a cross between taking a dump and someone putting a lot of pressure on the perineum, but with a hint/dash of pain.
Next up, she dug all the dilation stuff out: the dilators 1 (1" diameter - 25mm), 2 Tapered (1.125" - 29mm), 2, 3 (1.25" - 32mm), and 4 (1.375" - 35mm)) that were nestled in their terrycloth pocket pouch, the Surgilube, the mirror, and later, the douche kit. She dug out #1, but talked about the tapered #2 as well.
She first went over the new anatomy - CUV - Clitoris, Urethra, and Vagina. It looks damn ugly. I should send a picture back to the kids at UC Berkeley. The labia is swollen and really misshaped. The clitoris, which I can't feel, is smaller than Amber's but Janet says mine is a very decent size. The urethra still has the catheter line coming out of it, but there is this charcoal material all around the entrance. The vagina is also pretty ugly looking.
It's amazing looking at it in relation to where things used to be...especially how the penis shaft is tucked down into the vagina. (JoanB calls it genital origami.) My cleared zone of hair above the penis shaft may be too much, but we'll see how things settle after the swelling goes down.
The mons (pooch) area is still very swollen and she showed me the sutures that are attached just above the mons area that are holding things in place. Amber had two divots, but it looks like I only have one...possibly indicating that I already busted one.
As I was waiting for Janet this morning, I looked at Amber's journal from this last year and the method used to relax for dilation and entry of the dilators. I'd already dug out some jazz on the laptop, and thinking back to the Vagina Monologues, I almost wanted to play 'Let's Get It On' by Marvin Gaye when we started dilation...but I obviously didn't prepare well enough nor does this stupid internet connection in the room allow me to access iTunes on my computer. Oh well.
She checked inside my vagina with her fingers first then loaded up #1 with a bunch of Surgilube. In it went and I felt the dilator move past the PC muscle. It was definitely uncomfortable and a bit painful. We didn't keep it in very long, but she pulled it out and wiped it off. She placed some Bacitracin on the tip and had me smooth it all around. I then placed Surgilube on the bent area of the dilator and smoothed it all around. Then she had me locate the entrance of my vagina with the mirror and insert the dilator. Getting it past the PC muscle is definitely not fun. It hurt pretty good to hold it in the full '15 minutes' which actually ended up being 20 minutes since we were talking. Pulling it out is also kinda uncomfortable, until it's past the PC muscle. What's amazing, though, is that at some point, this is supposed to feel good...really good. Hmmm...that's not going to happen for a while.
We cleaned up and that was about it. She'd already gone over some of the directions but went over them again as well as the douching instructions.
10pm - Dr. Meltzer stopped by this afternoon and took a look at things. Sometimes he does, sometimes he doesn't. I think he just makes sure to make an appearance in case things aren't going ok. Things are OK, pretty much, so sometimes he'll just ask if he needs to look at things or not. He looked today since the labial sutures have been removed and all of it is exposed. He said things looked pretty decent and were healing well. I also asked him about the peeing around the catheter thing, and he said about the same as Janet and the nurse. He also said that of his patients that have had that, all of them have been able to pee when they took the catheter out. Hopefully that is a good sign for this Wednesday. I'd hate to be the first that doesn't.
I also asked him about the lump I had near my right testicle. I think he said it was a verrucose lump and that I had veins running all through the area - probably from weight lifting. I told him I didn't do that much when I was younger, but I have been running and exercising for quite a while.
I'd noted my vaginal depth around 5 1/4 - 5 1/2" from the first dilation (Janet said this might decrease as the swelling went down) and asked him how deep he thought I was. He said it was hard to tell with his equipment, but after I told him the noted measurements, he said it sounded right.
The bruising on my left side is definitely more prominent, so I asked him about it. He said he had to cut a little higher in that area to release the spermatic cord.
So, I have dilated on my own twice, now. The first time with Janet hurt at least 10 minutes when first starting. The session this afternoon hurt for about the first 5 minutes, and even less on the dilation I just wrapped up. Most of the pain comes from the PC muscle and somewhere deep when I continue to push on the dilator. I dilated around 11am with Janet, and spaced out today's dilations to 4pm and 9pm. I'll dilate again at 2am (I have my phone set and a wakeup call with my nurse) and sometime in the morning...hopefully around 7am if I can get up by then. The first day they require 5 dilations, but then it reduces to 4 per day for the first month. It then reduces to twice a day for the following two months, then once a day for another three months. After that, it's just once a week for the rest of my life.
I also switched over to my own cotton panties - ones that I bought for this trip. I bought slightly larger ones - and stuff cheaper than my normal ones since I'll proably just toss these. My booty seems to prefer the cotton ones a lot better than the mesh underwear. I probably should have switched to these a few days ago.
Saturday, February 26, 2005
Day 8 - Escape Attempt
10:31pm - So, let's do a little review of the food intake.
1st day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, soup/salad for lunch and dinner
2nd day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, mac n' cheese and salad for lunch, pasta and salad for dinner
3rd day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, mac n' cheese and salad for lunch, chicken parmesan and salad for dinner
I've had fruit or a salad at all my meals. Today, though, I escaped for lunch. Or, actually, Mom escaped for me since Dr. Meltzer still hadn't arrived by noon. She ran next door to the Port of Subs and picked me up a turkey and bacon sandwich. Yum.
I also wanted to escape to the hotel to check my email since I can't access it here via their 'Get Well TV' internet service. They also have no ethernet connections that seem to work. Unfortunately, since Dr. Meltzer didn't arrive until after 1pm and Lisa from LA stopped by, that put my shower fairly late.
After I was cleaned up, I finally 'escaped' to the hotel for a little internet connection and a small nap. Amber was out trying to find me some sweat bottoms and since it was getting fairly late, she just brought some food back. I was up for a cheap burger, so she just got me a double cheeseburger and shake from Burger King.
I was back to Greenbaum before 7:30pm (the time the nurses change over). Julie has taken extra good care of me the past three day shifts. She's always awakened me with a cheerful greeting - reminiscent of Cocoon.
OK, well, I've lost track of the number of bowel movements today. I've had lots. They've kinda continued off last night's prune juice. Late tonight, I think I've finally caught up so that I have about a day's worth of food in me. TMI?
The blisters/sores are still there - still annoying - trying to heal, but it seems like a very slow progress. Laughing and coughing have also been very unique sensations. When I first laughed or coughed it felt very uncomfortable. I'd tighten my stomach muscles and brace for the pain. I've had a few coughing spells - mainly at night - that have kinda gotten me used to the feeling, plus having had time to heal, such that it doesn't feel that bad any more to cough or laugh....well, it doesn't hurt too bad. I haven't had to sneeze since surgery, though, but that could be a different experience.
I dug my small 'compact' mirror out of my purse just to kinda look at things since I can't see beyond the top of the incisions/sutures, but had seen my surgical site via pictures that Amber took for me. So, I made myself comfy on the bed and took a look downstairs.
Amber had trouble with a very sensitive and exposed clitoris and I hadn't even seen/felt mine. I can't tell if I can see it in the suture line or not, but it might be there. I also noticed a little bruising toward the bottom of the sutured labia, the only main bruising I've really noticed. I can feel sensation over most of the region except for a few areas down low along the suture line.
Otherwise, it basically looks like someone sewed my perineum together to form a labial monstrosity. It's very Frankenstein looking, especially with the huge sutures, swelling, discoloration, and general yuckiness.
Tonight, I have noticed a bit more bruising above my left leg...so I do actually have some bruising. It's more of a darker yellow color with a little purple mixed in. I've been gently massaging it - trying to keep it to a minimum.
1st day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, soup/salad for lunch and dinner
2nd day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, mac n' cheese and salad for lunch, pasta and salad for dinner
3rd day - fruit/yogurt for breakfast, mac n' cheese and salad for lunch, chicken parmesan and salad for dinner
I've had fruit or a salad at all my meals. Today, though, I escaped for lunch. Or, actually, Mom escaped for me since Dr. Meltzer still hadn't arrived by noon. She ran next door to the Port of Subs and picked me up a turkey and bacon sandwich. Yum.
I also wanted to escape to the hotel to check my email since I can't access it here via their 'Get Well TV' internet service. They also have no ethernet connections that seem to work. Unfortunately, since Dr. Meltzer didn't arrive until after 1pm and Lisa from LA stopped by, that put my shower fairly late.
After I was cleaned up, I finally 'escaped' to the hotel for a little internet connection and a small nap. Amber was out trying to find me some sweat bottoms and since it was getting fairly late, she just brought some food back. I was up for a cheap burger, so she just got me a double cheeseburger and shake from Burger King.
I was back to Greenbaum before 7:30pm (the time the nurses change over). Julie has taken extra good care of me the past three day shifts. She's always awakened me with a cheerful greeting - reminiscent of Cocoon.
OK, well, I've lost track of the number of bowel movements today. I've had lots. They've kinda continued off last night's prune juice. Late tonight, I think I've finally caught up so that I have about a day's worth of food in me. TMI?
The blisters/sores are still there - still annoying - trying to heal, but it seems like a very slow progress. Laughing and coughing have also been very unique sensations. When I first laughed or coughed it felt very uncomfortable. I'd tighten my stomach muscles and brace for the pain. I've had a few coughing spells - mainly at night - that have kinda gotten me used to the feeling, plus having had time to heal, such that it doesn't feel that bad any more to cough or laugh....well, it doesn't hurt too bad. I haven't had to sneeze since surgery, though, but that could be a different experience.
I dug my small 'compact' mirror out of my purse just to kinda look at things since I can't see beyond the top of the incisions/sutures, but had seen my surgical site via pictures that Amber took for me. So, I made myself comfy on the bed and took a look downstairs.
Amber had trouble with a very sensitive and exposed clitoris and I hadn't even seen/felt mine. I can't tell if I can see it in the suture line or not, but it might be there. I also noticed a little bruising toward the bottom of the sutured labia, the only main bruising I've really noticed. I can feel sensation over most of the region except for a few areas down low along the suture line.
Otherwise, it basically looks like someone sewed my perineum together to form a labial monstrosity. It's very Frankenstein looking, especially with the huge sutures, swelling, discoloration, and general yuckiness.
Tonight, I have noticed a bit more bruising above my left leg...so I do actually have some bruising. It's more of a darker yellow color with a little purple mixed in. I've been gently massaging it - trying to keep it to a minimum.
Friday, February 25, 2005
Day 7 - I smiled
10:45am - I smiled this morning. I saw myself in the mirror and smiled. Up until that moment, I was really indifferent to the surgery.
So, this morning, Julie came in to take the drains out. She said it wouldn't hurt...that bad...and that she was really good at it. She placed the necessary items on my bed as I pulled the mesh underwear down. She undid the tape and then cut the sutures holding them in place. With one swooping motion, she pulled them out of my groin one at a time. They hurt a bit, but the pain quickly subsided. She had me hold gauze on the site for a few minutes, but then things were nice. No more drains. Julie also brought in my meds which included starting my hormones again. It's been 3 1/2 weeks since I stopped....it's definitely nice to have them again.
As Christa and Julie made my bed, they said it was really nice out. So, I went out to the patio area for a few minutes before I noticed my mom and Amber walk by. We did a couple of laps and now I'm back in my room. I've had a few rumblings this morning...strong enough that I sat on the toilet for about 15 minutes each. Unfortunately, I still haven't had to go. It's sorta depressing. I'd really like to get that first one out of the way.
I've also stopped pain killers. I thought I might have to take one after the drains were pulled, but I'm pain killer free since last night at 5pm. The pain killers definitely help with sleeping, but it's also nice not having to take them. In the end, I think I ended up taking a total of 4 the day after surgery, and 2 yesterday. Not too bad for this wuss.
11:30pm - I've finally gone...a few times. The first two weren't much and I basically sat there for quite a while until stuff came out. After dinner, I did a few more laps and had a little prune juice. Since then, I've gone three times. All three and the two "rumblings" were soft - very soft. It's definitely different getting used to the way things are. I no longer have to tuck when sitting down on the toilet. That will probably take a while to get used to. It will be nice when I can also pee again. I still have to either plug into the foley bag or drain into the the toilet. And I can't just sit there to empty it. Nope. The hose is kinda taped to my stomach and it doesn't have much range.
Speaking of hoses, I was thinking back to the last things I did with Junior. As they were rushing me thru check-in, I thought for sure that they would request a urine sample. They didn't, so before I loaded up onto the gurney, I asked to use the restroom. So, to give it a fair and honorable sendoff, I stood in front of the toilet and urinated. That, I thought, would be the last time. Guess I still have a few more days left of standing up...until the catheter comes out.
OK, that makes 4 times tonight. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the prune juice.
Speaking of crap, the insurance company for the car of the person who rear ended me called to tell me that the policy on the car had been cancelled and was not valid. Great.
So, this morning, Julie came in to take the drains out. She said it wouldn't hurt...that bad...and that she was really good at it. She placed the necessary items on my bed as I pulled the mesh underwear down. She undid the tape and then cut the sutures holding them in place. With one swooping motion, she pulled them out of my groin one at a time. They hurt a bit, but the pain quickly subsided. She had me hold gauze on the site for a few minutes, but then things were nice. No more drains. Julie also brought in my meds which included starting my hormones again. It's been 3 1/2 weeks since I stopped....it's definitely nice to have them again.
As Christa and Julie made my bed, they said it was really nice out. So, I went out to the patio area for a few minutes before I noticed my mom and Amber walk by. We did a couple of laps and now I'm back in my room. I've had a few rumblings this morning...strong enough that I sat on the toilet for about 15 minutes each. Unfortunately, I still haven't had to go. It's sorta depressing. I'd really like to get that first one out of the way.
I've also stopped pain killers. I thought I might have to take one after the drains were pulled, but I'm pain killer free since last night at 5pm. The pain killers definitely help with sleeping, but it's also nice not having to take them. In the end, I think I ended up taking a total of 4 the day after surgery, and 2 yesterday. Not too bad for this wuss.
11:30pm - I've finally gone...a few times. The first two weren't much and I basically sat there for quite a while until stuff came out. After dinner, I did a few more laps and had a little prune juice. Since then, I've gone three times. All three and the two "rumblings" were soft - very soft. It's definitely different getting used to the way things are. I no longer have to tuck when sitting down on the toilet. That will probably take a while to get used to. It will be nice when I can also pee again. I still have to either plug into the foley bag or drain into the the toilet. And I can't just sit there to empty it. Nope. The hose is kinda taped to my stomach and it doesn't have much range.
Speaking of hoses, I was thinking back to the last things I did with Junior. As they were rushing me thru check-in, I thought for sure that they would request a urine sample. They didn't, so before I loaded up onto the gurney, I asked to use the restroom. So, to give it a fair and honorable sendoff, I stood in front of the toilet and urinated. That, I thought, would be the last time. Guess I still have a few more days left of standing up...until the catheter comes out.
OK, that makes 4 times tonight. Perhaps I shouldn't have had the prune juice.
Speaking of crap, the insurance company for the car of the person who rear ended me called to tell me that the policy on the car had been cancelled and was not valid. Great.
Thursday, February 24, 2005
Day 6 - Booty Blisters
11:30am - I've got blisters on my booty. Yeah, it's hard to believe that I got bed sores after only 2 days, but I've got a few. Even Julie, the nurse, couldn't believe that I had them. The good news is that I am now allowed to get up and walk around
I only noticed the bed sores after standing up from the chair I had been resting in. OK, yes, I was feeling my butt since the stretchy mesh underwear kinda sticks to you after a while.
Julie trained me on how to cap off the catheter. It's not too hard except it can just be a little messy. Basically, I squeeze the tube that leads out of the surgical site and then unplug the hose that leads to the foley bag. I then place caps into the hose taped to my stomach, and place a cap over the tube to the foley bag. I've noticed weird pains in my stomach, though, due to different pressures from the tube...especially when reconnecting to the foley bag or at the end of peeing/draining into the toilet. Releasing the tube slowly helps to not create too much of a pressure differential, but the rest of the pains I can't prevent.
10:00pm - After lunch, I finally took a shower. It definitely wasn't easy. After the drains are gone, things will hopefully change with the ease of taking a shower and getting around.
After the shower, I capped off and took a lap around the ward. I said hi to the two other Dr. Meltzer patients. Karista, the woman who was supposed to be before me was lying in bed. She's also from the Bay Area, but I don't think I've ever met her. Connie, who's closer to my age, and maybe younger than me, is from Minnesota and here with her partner. Connie had surgery yesterday and should be up tomorrow. I crashed for a 2 hour nap after the jaunt.
Mom, Amber, and I just watched a little TV tonight with Survivor and CSI on.
I'm still having slightly weird phantom pains/feelings as though my penis is hanging there. I know it's not, but it is totally weird.
So, how do I feel now that it is gone? Eh, I don't really have any feelings. OK, well, it still hurts a bit. It's swollen. It's hard to sit down. It's a pain to 'pee'. Oh yeah, it's everything I wanted so far.
Amber took pictures for me this morning and it looks a lot like hers did at this time...except, well, she had a better tan. Mine is still majorly swollen...more than I expected.
I've talked to numerous friends. Court and I talked for a while. She said hers is still swollen some 4 months later. She had the 1 stage with the dude in Canada, though.
I only noticed the bed sores after standing up from the chair I had been resting in. OK, yes, I was feeling my butt since the stretchy mesh underwear kinda sticks to you after a while.
Julie trained me on how to cap off the catheter. It's not too hard except it can just be a little messy. Basically, I squeeze the tube that leads out of the surgical site and then unplug the hose that leads to the foley bag. I then place caps into the hose taped to my stomach, and place a cap over the tube to the foley bag. I've noticed weird pains in my stomach, though, due to different pressures from the tube...especially when reconnecting to the foley bag or at the end of peeing/draining into the toilet. Releasing the tube slowly helps to not create too much of a pressure differential, but the rest of the pains I can't prevent.
10:00pm - After lunch, I finally took a shower. It definitely wasn't easy. After the drains are gone, things will hopefully change with the ease of taking a shower and getting around.
After the shower, I capped off and took a lap around the ward. I said hi to the two other Dr. Meltzer patients. Karista, the woman who was supposed to be before me was lying in bed. She's also from the Bay Area, but I don't think I've ever met her. Connie, who's closer to my age, and maybe younger than me, is from Minnesota and here with her partner. Connie had surgery yesterday and should be up tomorrow. I crashed for a 2 hour nap after the jaunt.
Mom, Amber, and I just watched a little TV tonight with Survivor and CSI on.
I'm still having slightly weird phantom pains/feelings as though my penis is hanging there. I know it's not, but it is totally weird.
So, how do I feel now that it is gone? Eh, I don't really have any feelings. OK, well, it still hurts a bit. It's swollen. It's hard to sit down. It's a pain to 'pee'. Oh yeah, it's everything I wanted so far.
Amber took pictures for me this morning and it looks a lot like hers did at this time...except, well, she had a better tan. Mine is still majorly swollen...more than I expected.
I've talked to numerous friends. Court and I talked for a while. She said hers is still swollen some 4 months later. She had the 1 stage with the dude in Canada, though.
Wednesday, February 23, 2005
Day 5 - The Day After....Surgery
8:25am - When Linda from Dr. Meltzer’s office called yesterday morning around 8:30am, I really wasn’t expecting them to ask me to get to the hospital as soon as possible. The person who was supposed to go before me needed a special type of anesthesia that they could only get set up in the main hospital yesterday afternoon. That meant that they wanted me as soon as I could get there.
I was really hoping I had a little time between waking up at 8am and heading to the hospital. I guess I just wanted to ponder things one last time and also take things at a nice leisurely pace.
So, I rushed through a shower just to wash the hair and clean the surgical area. I patted myself dry, placed a little conditioner and gel in my hair, brushed the teeth…then we were off.
They rushed me through check-in, had me in my gown, took vitals, and had me on the gurney in no time.
I could hear them at the desk saying they had to run double-time on Bay 12 – where I was. The lady doing the IV missed on the first attempt, but got it on the second try as Dr. Campbell, the anesthesiologist, went through some items to keep me distracted.
Previously, one of the other nurses asked me if I was having vaginoplasty and a breast augmentation. I told her it was just supposed to be a vaginoplasty. She ran back to the station and checked the order which said just the vaginoplasty. When she came back, I said I wouldn’t mind waking up with a free pair of boobs. I told them that the other person had a similar name and things might have been confused.
I got a shot to thin my blood, I think, and they also gave me something through the IV. Then they gave me a pill that they said would relax me. Mom and Amber came back once I was ready. I was afraid that I would be very emotional when they let them back to see me off, but we weren’t together that long before they wheeled me off that I didn’t even have time to cry. I think I made it past the swinging doors and down the hall before I was asleep...all before the time I was supposed to have even checked in at 10am.
As I was coming out of unconsciousness last night, I remember having this urge to pee (even though I was hooked up to the catheter). I was also very tired. So tired I could barely keep my eyes open. Claire called, but I can barely remember talking to her. Amber helped me place my earrings back in my ears...which turned out to be quite a chore since my holes had already started closing....and of course, I was basically wasted.
I also seemed to have phantom sensation – as though my penis was still attached. I didn’t really have any pain all night long, though, except if I moved a lot. From the time I was wheeled in to the hospital room, I found it hard to stay awake until last night. I was able to converse more around late evening. My sleep came in spurts of about 1 hour since the nurses came in about that often. My throat didn’t feel sore, but it was definitely dry. My voice seemed lower than usual and it seemed like I couldn’t muster anything close to my normal voice. I’ve also had weird pains whenever they empty out of the foley bag.
When I woke up this morning, I saw Amber just to my left...sleeping on the fold out chair. She'd spent the night with me. Thanks, Amber.
My breakfast today was yogurt, a banana, and juice. Lunch was soup, salad, fruit, and ice cream. Mmmmmm….ice cream.
2:20pm - Janet just stopped by. She was checking up on things and making sure I was breathing into the spirometer, drinking plenty of water, and ensuring I was keeping enough ice on the site.
Allison, the only other Dr. Meltzer patient on the floor, stopped by to say hi. She said it’s been very quiet and lonely for her. Karista, the other patient the day of my surgery, is supposed to be transferred to Greenbaum this afternoon.
It’s been nice having Amber and my mom here. I’ve also had phone calls from Claire, Rachel, JoanB, Courtney (who called by chance), and Stephanie Anne. Flowers have come in from Mom and Amber, Dad and the rest of the family, Lauren, Lisa, and Joe & Susan.
7:40pm - The nurse’s assistant just stopped by. Her name is Kara, and she was born the same year as me. She’s the first Kara I’ve ever met in person.
Dr. Meltzer stopped by about 7pm. He asked how I was doing and looked at the surgical site. He said things looked fine.
So, what does the surgical site look like? Well, I have a large ice bag over the it. There is a net-like pair of underwear holding everything else that is dangling out of my body. There are two drain bags with lines running down to the vaginal area…similar to what I had leading out of my mouth for last year’s FFS with Dr. O. The line to the catheter is also running through there. I have a pad that is down on the underside. It’s all fairly swollen. Also, I can’t even see where it is sutured together, but I can feel around a bit. I can see just the top of the site and all of the tubes running out. Right at the top where the new labia is sewn together I can see the area that used to be the base area just above the shaft of my penis…which I know because that’s where the line of electrolysis is located.
Oh, yeah, dinner was soup, salad, fruit, and ice cream. Mom got me a little more ice cream for a snack
I was really hoping I had a little time between waking up at 8am and heading to the hospital. I guess I just wanted to ponder things one last time and also take things at a nice leisurely pace.
So, I rushed through a shower just to wash the hair and clean the surgical area. I patted myself dry, placed a little conditioner and gel in my hair, brushed the teeth…then we were off.
They rushed me through check-in, had me in my gown, took vitals, and had me on the gurney in no time.
I could hear them at the desk saying they had to run double-time on Bay 12 – where I was. The lady doing the IV missed on the first attempt, but got it on the second try as Dr. Campbell, the anesthesiologist, went through some items to keep me distracted.
Previously, one of the other nurses asked me if I was having vaginoplasty and a breast augmentation. I told her it was just supposed to be a vaginoplasty. She ran back to the station and checked the order which said just the vaginoplasty. When she came back, I said I wouldn’t mind waking up with a free pair of boobs. I told them that the other person had a similar name and things might have been confused.
I got a shot to thin my blood, I think, and they also gave me something through the IV. Then they gave me a pill that they said would relax me. Mom and Amber came back once I was ready. I was afraid that I would be very emotional when they let them back to see me off, but we weren’t together that long before they wheeled me off that I didn’t even have time to cry. I think I made it past the swinging doors and down the hall before I was asleep...all before the time I was supposed to have even checked in at 10am.
As I was coming out of unconsciousness last night, I remember having this urge to pee (even though I was hooked up to the catheter). I was also very tired. So tired I could barely keep my eyes open. Claire called, but I can barely remember talking to her. Amber helped me place my earrings back in my ears...which turned out to be quite a chore since my holes had already started closing....and of course, I was basically wasted.
I also seemed to have phantom sensation – as though my penis was still attached. I didn’t really have any pain all night long, though, except if I moved a lot. From the time I was wheeled in to the hospital room, I found it hard to stay awake until last night. I was able to converse more around late evening. My sleep came in spurts of about 1 hour since the nurses came in about that often. My throat didn’t feel sore, but it was definitely dry. My voice seemed lower than usual and it seemed like I couldn’t muster anything close to my normal voice. I’ve also had weird pains whenever they empty out of the foley bag.
When I woke up this morning, I saw Amber just to my left...sleeping on the fold out chair. She'd spent the night with me. Thanks, Amber.
My breakfast today was yogurt, a banana, and juice. Lunch was soup, salad, fruit, and ice cream. Mmmmmm….ice cream.
2:20pm - Janet just stopped by. She was checking up on things and making sure I was breathing into the spirometer, drinking plenty of water, and ensuring I was keeping enough ice on the site.
Allison, the only other Dr. Meltzer patient on the floor, stopped by to say hi. She said it’s been very quiet and lonely for her. Karista, the other patient the day of my surgery, is supposed to be transferred to Greenbaum this afternoon.
It’s been nice having Amber and my mom here. I’ve also had phone calls from Claire, Rachel, JoanB, Courtney (who called by chance), and Stephanie Anne. Flowers have come in from Mom and Amber, Dad and the rest of the family, Lauren, Lisa, and Joe & Susan.
7:40pm - The nurse’s assistant just stopped by. Her name is Kara, and she was born the same year as me. She’s the first Kara I’ve ever met in person.
Dr. Meltzer stopped by about 7pm. He asked how I was doing and looked at the surgical site. He said things looked fine.
So, what does the surgical site look like? Well, I have a large ice bag over the it. There is a net-like pair of underwear holding everything else that is dangling out of my body. There are two drain bags with lines running down to the vaginal area…similar to what I had leading out of my mouth for last year’s FFS with Dr. O. The line to the catheter is also running through there. I have a pad that is down on the underside. It’s all fairly swollen. Also, I can’t even see where it is sutured together, but I can feel around a bit. I can see just the top of the site and all of the tubes running out. Right at the top where the new labia is sewn together I can see the area that used to be the base area just above the shaft of my penis…which I know because that’s where the line of electrolysis is located.
Oh, yeah, dinner was soup, salad, fruit, and ice cream. Mom got me a little more ice cream for a snack
Tuesday, February 22, 2005
Day 4 - Phone Call
Linda from Dr. Meltzer's office just called. The person that was scheduled this morning requested something different with her anesthesia...so, they want me now. NOW. I'm up as soon as I get over there.
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