Jason Cazares, the last one not serving time for the death of Gwen Araujo, is behind bars. He was scheduled to return to court yesterday after the judge granted him the extra time for the birth of his son. I mentioned this to Gwen Smith the other night, but she had heard he was due in court today. I wasn't sure, but the date I wrote in my notes from the previous court sessions listed yesterday.
I wanted to be there when he arrived at court...to wish him (and his attorney) a "fun time" in prison, but work has kept me extremely busy with morning meetings. He will now begin a six year sentence, with 20 months of time spent behind bars given as credit. That means he has four years and four months to serve before he'll be eligible for release. That puts his release near the end of July 2010.
Although Gwen Araujo's family has suffered greatly through this entire ordeal, a lot of good has come from it. The public is more aware of transgender topics, four bad people are behind bars, and the courts are moving to modify the way people can defend themselves when they kill a gay or transgender person. Hopefully the awareness will pay off in time.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Dixie Chicks
I'm about two weeks late on the premiere of this (since I don't typically follow country music), but the Dixie Chicks released a new song I find very courageous.
As one might recall, the Dixie Chicks got into a little trouble with their country fans by bashing Bush a few years ago. I was proud of them. Free speech, baby!!! Rural America is one of the worst places to be different. Serious. Most of them profess the Bible thumping, good ol' boy, corn fed, dog in the back of my truck, country music playing, heteronormative lifestyle. [I'm sarcastically stereotyping...there are a fair amount of rural folks that are very nice people...they just need a little exposure to all of this to get a little better understanding. I still think the religious card is the main culprit when it comes to lesbian, gay, or transgender acceptance.] A number of them are just doing it so they aren't perceived to be different (think Brokeback Mountain). Just to be fair, though, I will admit that there are some country music songs I like...even if they are sung but the aformentioned.
My life used to be very much like the Dixie Chicks. I was the liberal, open-minded, tolerant, non-religious person living in the conservative, closed-minded, intolerant religious land of Oz. Fortunately, though, I don't have fans who won't buy my music....because, well, I don't have any for sale. While in Oz, I might have bashed Bush in the twilight period between 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq, but I soon learned that my comments were in stark contrast with everyone else in Oz....unlike California. I had nothing to gain, so I stopped, although I did converse slightly before the last election.
Their latest release, though, which is available free as a video on AOL for one day only or as audio on the Dixie Chick's site, is a direct response to the outlash they received following their Bush bashing. I like the song...a lot. I guess everyone can interpret the song as they choose, but, to me, it's basically saying that they're going to do as they choose, but my favorite line comes with "Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should". I can relate. So much of our society comes down to the rules we impose, either explicitly or implicitly, in fear of being different.
In light of all the truths, non-lies, or misrepresentations that are now coming out in our government over the perceived handling of the invasion of Iraq and the deaths that continue to mount, I think it's a lot easier for the Dixie Chicks to be in the place where they are, but I still wonder if Middle America is willing to accept that.
As one might recall, the Dixie Chicks got into a little trouble with their country fans by bashing Bush a few years ago. I was proud of them. Free speech, baby!!! Rural America is one of the worst places to be different. Serious. Most of them profess the Bible thumping, good ol' boy, corn fed, dog in the back of my truck, country music playing, heteronormative lifestyle. [I'm sarcastically stereotyping...there are a fair amount of rural folks that are very nice people...they just need a little exposure to all of this to get a little better understanding. I still think the religious card is the main culprit when it comes to lesbian, gay, or transgender acceptance.] A number of them are just doing it so they aren't perceived to be different (think Brokeback Mountain). Just to be fair, though, I will admit that there are some country music songs I like...even if they are sung but the aformentioned.
My life used to be very much like the Dixie Chicks. I was the liberal, open-minded, tolerant, non-religious person living in the conservative, closed-minded, intolerant religious land of Oz. Fortunately, though, I don't have fans who won't buy my music....because, well, I don't have any for sale. While in Oz, I might have bashed Bush in the twilight period between 9/11 and the invasion of Iraq, but I soon learned that my comments were in stark contrast with everyone else in Oz....unlike California. I had nothing to gain, so I stopped, although I did converse slightly before the last election.
Their latest release, though, which is available free as a video on AOL for one day only or as audio on the Dixie Chick's site, is a direct response to the outlash they received following their Bush bashing. I like the song...a lot. I guess everyone can interpret the song as they choose, but, to me, it's basically saying that they're going to do as they choose, but my favorite line comes with "Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should". I can relate. So much of our society comes down to the rules we impose, either explicitly or implicitly, in fear of being different.
In light of all the truths, non-lies, or misrepresentations that are now coming out in our government over the perceived handling of the invasion of Iraq and the deaths that continue to mount, I think it's a lot easier for the Dixie Chicks to be in the place where they are, but I still wonder if Middle America is willing to accept that.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
Self Acceptance...
...is one of the hardest parts to deal with in the initial stage of transition. I remember. From my early youth until my late 20's, I tried to put the T stuff aside...never telling anyone. I was ashamed of what I was, and I was ashamed of the crossdressing I participated in to compensate for the feelings I had while living as a man. I think the key thing for me was seeing a transsexual for the first time. She was finally that reality I needed to see in order for transition to not seem like a fantasy. Not only that, but the friends I was hanging out with didn't bash her, but realized she was a human being.
It took me another year to finally begin the embrace of who I was and what I needed to do. A year after that, I was on hormones and the physical transition was on the way. There was also a bit of planning in there, as well, as I sorted through the stories I heard in support groups, and created the plan that I thought would work for me.
In that twilight period between being a man in a dress and an adrogenous figure, there were plenty of times when I was simply too scared to go out the front door. I'd get all dressed up and either scan the landscape through a window late at night or stare out the peephole to make sure no one was around. The time spent looking out that peephole became less and less the more I went out until I no longer looked through it, but simply opened the door and went outside. Initially, I knew people were looking at me funny...looking at the man in a dress. Honestly, I was afraid...ashamed of who I was and afraid of people finding out. Over time, I began to care less and less about what people thought of me until I was secure in realizing that I was a transsexual. Eventually, I became proud of my journey.
Yesterday morning, I caught the very beginning of the Maury Povich show. (OK, OK, I was running a little late to work.) The first guest they had on there was a black woman who had been burned by battery acid thrown on her by one of her family members. She had run back into a house after her daughter told her there was an altercation happening inside. (Where they got the battery acid is something that wasn't really explained.) The woman had been burned over a portion of her face, neck, and upper body. The incident had happened approximately three weeks before she was on the show. The woman was having a difficult time with all of it...but her physical pain was heavily outweighed by her emotional pain. She felt ugly...deformed...and wanted to hide from society. She was afraid to go outside where people could see her. Maury tried to console her, but she was more worried about how people were going to look at her. My process of going thru self acceptance took years, her's was just beginning. The difference, though, is that I was able to escape my place as a man...her burns were visible all of the time.
Last night, I chatted online with a young man who used to IM me a bit. He mainly hit on me before, but last night he told me that his girlfriend was in one of the classes I recently spoke at. He also told me that he crossdressed. His girlfriend and I chatted online for a while, and basically she told me that he's ashamed of his dressing...ashamed of what he does...and that he doesn't want to be a crossdresser. She's semi-OK with his dressing as long as it's with her, but every time he decides to dress up with her, he backs out just prior.
The story is no different for people who lose an appendage, use a wheelchair, are going thru chemotherapy and lose all of their hair, have a limp or walk funny, or anything which leaves them different than the rest of society. People stare. You can feel them looking at you even when they aren't. I can tell you that, initially, it scares the bananas out of you, but you get used to it. Well, most people do. It just takes a bit of time.
It took me another year to finally begin the embrace of who I was and what I needed to do. A year after that, I was on hormones and the physical transition was on the way. There was also a bit of planning in there, as well, as I sorted through the stories I heard in support groups, and created the plan that I thought would work for me.
In that twilight period between being a man in a dress and an adrogenous figure, there were plenty of times when I was simply too scared to go out the front door. I'd get all dressed up and either scan the landscape through a window late at night or stare out the peephole to make sure no one was around. The time spent looking out that peephole became less and less the more I went out until I no longer looked through it, but simply opened the door and went outside. Initially, I knew people were looking at me funny...looking at the man in a dress. Honestly, I was afraid...ashamed of who I was and afraid of people finding out. Over time, I began to care less and less about what people thought of me until I was secure in realizing that I was a transsexual. Eventually, I became proud of my journey.
Yesterday morning, I caught the very beginning of the Maury Povich show. (OK, OK, I was running a little late to work.) The first guest they had on there was a black woman who had been burned by battery acid thrown on her by one of her family members. She had run back into a house after her daughter told her there was an altercation happening inside. (Where they got the battery acid is something that wasn't really explained.) The woman had been burned over a portion of her face, neck, and upper body. The incident had happened approximately three weeks before she was on the show. The woman was having a difficult time with all of it...but her physical pain was heavily outweighed by her emotional pain. She felt ugly...deformed...and wanted to hide from society. She was afraid to go outside where people could see her. Maury tried to console her, but she was more worried about how people were going to look at her. My process of going thru self acceptance took years, her's was just beginning. The difference, though, is that I was able to escape my place as a man...her burns were visible all of the time.
Last night, I chatted online with a young man who used to IM me a bit. He mainly hit on me before, but last night he told me that his girlfriend was in one of the classes I recently spoke at. He also told me that he crossdressed. His girlfriend and I chatted online for a while, and basically she told me that he's ashamed of his dressing...ashamed of what he does...and that he doesn't want to be a crossdresser. She's semi-OK with his dressing as long as it's with her, but every time he decides to dress up with her, he backs out just prior.
The story is no different for people who lose an appendage, use a wheelchair, are going thru chemotherapy and lose all of their hair, have a limp or walk funny, or anything which leaves them different than the rest of society. People stare. You can feel them looking at you even when they aren't. I can tell you that, initially, it scares the bananas out of you, but you get used to it. Well, most people do. It just takes a bit of time.
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Foster kids
When I entered transition, one of the main things I realized was that I would likely never have my own children. Sure, I stored some sperm just in case I later met a woman, but honestly, I figured that sperm would never be used. That was 4 years ago. Hmmm...that reminds me, my 5 year renewal is up next year. They say that the frozen sperm are only good for 10 years...if my memory serves me, but after a quick web search, there are reports of pregnancies after 15 years of storage.
So, anyway, I was seriously thinking about adoption last summer, but the first day those serious thoughts rambled through my brain was also the day I received some news about a potential new venture. That venture didn't pan out, but it did distract me from further ponderings on adoption.
Financially, I'm not in a great situation to adopt or foster a child, nor do I have room in my current apartment. I suppose I could find a cheaper place to cut down on rent, but I need to get things in a little better order before I consider going down this path.
Today's article about a San Francisco based program trying to find permanent homes for gay, lesbian, and transgender youth got me thinking again.
Do I want to raise a child? Am I 'finished' with my life, such that I am ready to share it with a child? Could I raise a child on my own? Am I parent material?
These will probably be thoughts I'll look at over the next year as my finances start to recover to near normal levels.
So, anyway, I was seriously thinking about adoption last summer, but the first day those serious thoughts rambled through my brain was also the day I received some news about a potential new venture. That venture didn't pan out, but it did distract me from further ponderings on adoption.
Financially, I'm not in a great situation to adopt or foster a child, nor do I have room in my current apartment. I suppose I could find a cheaper place to cut down on rent, but I need to get things in a little better order before I consider going down this path.
Today's article about a San Francisco based program trying to find permanent homes for gay, lesbian, and transgender youth got me thinking again.
Do I want to raise a child? Am I 'finished' with my life, such that I am ready to share it with a child? Could I raise a child on my own? Am I parent material?
These will probably be thoughts I'll look at over the next year as my finances start to recover to near normal levels.
Monday, March 27, 2006
Ouch!
I like to play some sports. I have for quite a while. They're fairly entertaining, especially since I get to play as a girl now. I was decent before, and I would say that I'm pretty decent still. I have skills that a lot of girls just never developed when they were growing up.
When we were warming up before the game yesterday, I missed one of the balls and it hit me right in my left boob. Ouch!!! A few teammates noticed, with one of them asking if my tit was ok. (hahaha...lesbians!!!!)
It only stung for a second or two as I rubbed out the pain, but it wasn't the most comfortable feeling I've felt.
They seem to be softening quite a bit, but, yet, they still feel quite firm. While talking with a friend visiting San Francisco for FFS, I asked her how long it took for hers to soften up. She said it was around 8-9 months. Her's look great...nice and soft, yet also youthful. So, although Dr. Gray said it would be 4 months before they would settle into place, it looks like it will be double that before they feel as soft as they're going to feel.
I'm also not wearing a bra that much anymore. I wear a sports bra for running and sports, but otherwise, I'm just wearing a camisole to hold things in place. I wonder if that is what has led to their recent softening.
When we were warming up before the game yesterday, I missed one of the balls and it hit me right in my left boob. Ouch!!! A few teammates noticed, with one of them asking if my tit was ok. (hahaha...lesbians!!!!)
It only stung for a second or two as I rubbed out the pain, but it wasn't the most comfortable feeling I've felt.
They seem to be softening quite a bit, but, yet, they still feel quite firm. While talking with a friend visiting San Francisco for FFS, I asked her how long it took for hers to soften up. She said it was around 8-9 months. Her's look great...nice and soft, yet also youthful. So, although Dr. Gray said it would be 4 months before they would settle into place, it looks like it will be double that before they feel as soft as they're going to feel.
I'm also not wearing a bra that much anymore. I wear a sports bra for running and sports, but otherwise, I'm just wearing a camisole to hold things in place. I wonder if that is what has led to their recent softening.
Thursday, March 23, 2006
LGBT Senior Housing
There was an article today about Billie Jean King endorsing a full-service LGBT Resort/Retirement community. I think it's pretty cool. If I had a little more disposable income, I'd definitely be investing in either it...or something in Phoenix. Dog...if I had the money (and the right type of job), I would totally have a winter home in the Scottsdale/Phoenix area and live in the Bay Area during the hot, miserable summer. Of course, it would also be nice to visit Phoenix just for the heat once in a while since the Bay Area really doesn't get that hot where I live. It can get warm once in a while, but not too often.
I also received a letter about a San Francisco Bay Area survey for Open House LGBT Senior Housing. I've included it below for those that might be interested:
I also received a letter about a San Francisco Bay Area survey for Open House LGBT Senior Housing. I've included it below for those that might be interested:
[T]his message [concerns] an important survey that Openhouse, a San Francisco-based nonprofit organization, is conducting to build senior housing and supportive services for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) older adults. Your participation will assist openhouse as they better understand what LGBT seniors in the Bay Area truly need, want, and are able to afford so they can design the facility and its services with precision.
It makes no difference what your income is, or whether you would be interested in openhouse for yourself. The only requirement is that you live in the Bay Area and are 55 years of age or older.
To participate: Please go to www.vitalresearchsurveys.com/openhouse (between March 21 and April 6) to fill out the online survey. Your response is completely anonymous. You can also learn more about openhouse and their plans to build senior housing and services for the LGBT community by going to www.openhouse-sf.org.
Thank you for your help. Your participation will be making an important contribution to the work of openhouse and to understanding the needs of our senior LGBT community.
It makes no difference what your income is, or whether you would be interested in openhouse for yourself. The only requirement is that you live in the Bay Area and are 55 years of age or older.
To participate: Please go to www.vitalresearchsurveys.com/openhouse (between March 21 and April 6) to fill out the online survey. Your response is completely anonymous. You can also learn more about openhouse and their plans to build senior housing and services for the LGBT community by going to www.openhouse-sf.org.
Thank you for your help. Your participation will be making an important contribution to the work of openhouse and to understanding the needs of our senior LGBT community.
Breakfast on Pluto
I talked Amber into seeing Breakfast on Pluto last night. I noticed it had been running in San Francisco prior, but it returned for a short run this week in the Haight. It stars two actors from Batman Begins, believe it or not. "Kitten" is played by Cillian Murphy who played the Scarecrow, and Liam Neeson, who played Ra's-Al-Ghul in Batman Begins, is Father Bernard.
BoP is a cute little movie about a boy named Kitten trying to find a few things in life without being so serious. If I had to describe it to someone based on other movies, I'd say it was Transamerica meets Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It wasn't a Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, nor a To Wong Fu, but it definitely had it's own little story to tell. I cried at the end, but to be honest, I cannot give you an exact reason why. I mean, the movie was a little quirky, but it basically showed a transgender boy trying to figure out his/her place in the world. It didn't really show what he was searching for, but just that he was able to move on in certain parts of his life.
I thought the supporting characters and the overall acting was great...from Kitten's childhood friends, to his numerous romantic interests, to the parents he never knew. I also thought the camera work was wonderful on a few scenes. I can't imagine how much it cost to make this movie, but considering it's low distribution, they did quite well with whatever they had to work with. I think a lot of people can be turned off by the possible drag factor, but this seemed quite different from many of the other very campy drag films I've seen (or partially seen) in the past. Another difficult thing for me was the variety of accents since this movie takes place in the UK. Some were easy to understand, but there were a few scenes where I had no idea what was being said. Kitten's falsetto dialog was also a bit difficult to understand in some scenes. Unfortunately, I think any movie made in the UK and distributed in the US should also include subtitles for those of us that are accent-challenged.
Overall, I'd give it a 3 out of 4.
BoP is a cute little movie about a boy named Kitten trying to find a few things in life without being so serious. If I had to describe it to someone based on other movies, I'd say it was Transamerica meets Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It wasn't a Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, nor a To Wong Fu, but it definitely had it's own little story to tell. I cried at the end, but to be honest, I cannot give you an exact reason why. I mean, the movie was a little quirky, but it basically showed a transgender boy trying to figure out his/her place in the world. It didn't really show what he was searching for, but just that he was able to move on in certain parts of his life.
I thought the supporting characters and the overall acting was great...from Kitten's childhood friends, to his numerous romantic interests, to the parents he never knew. I also thought the camera work was wonderful on a few scenes. I can't imagine how much it cost to make this movie, but considering it's low distribution, they did quite well with whatever they had to work with. I think a lot of people can be turned off by the possible drag factor, but this seemed quite different from many of the other very campy drag films I've seen (or partially seen) in the past. Another difficult thing for me was the variety of accents since this movie takes place in the UK. Some were easy to understand, but there were a few scenes where I had no idea what was being said. Kitten's falsetto dialog was also a bit difficult to understand in some scenes. Unfortunately, I think any movie made in the UK and distributed in the US should also include subtitles for those of us that are accent-challenged.
Overall, I'd give it a 3 out of 4.
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