Dance Like a Man

I've been catching up on my summer TV shows lately, and I wish I had stayed more up to date with So You Think You Can Dance.

When I was watching their "Vegas" week, I noticed one of the male dancers, named Moises Parra, that danced with great skill but had a definite feminine aura about him.

In these "weed-out" rounds, they had 4 - 6 dancers in a group all doing the same routine, and then critique, praise, or boot them.  As I watched the group that Moises was in, he was kicking their asses.  When the group finished, I was then surprised to hear Paula Abdul (who had actually been a joy to see...up until then) tell Moises that he had to "dance like a man."

W.  T.  F?

It was really hard to believe such harsh criticism and heteronormative bullshit was coming from one within the dance community, a place where the LGBT community is very prominent.  They criticized him so much that they made him "dance for his life" even though he had already proven that he was the best in his group.  Luckily, he again kicked ass during his performance and the judges had no way of booting him.

The Top 20 (Top 10 Stage and Top 10 Street) were announced at the end of "Vegas" week, and Moises was there with the best.  I was glad that he made the top 10 stage dancers and was hoping that he would progress relatively far, although there were a number of other strong dancers, too.

Moises is not built that big, which is something they often treasure with the men on SYTYCD since they pair them with women for some of the dance lifts, so I knew that was going to be one thing that could hurt him.  His dancing has been fantastic, though, and I have been surprised that he has ended up in the bottom three each week.  His performance in Top 20 and Top 18 should easily have earned him a pass for both weeks, but only the Twitter vote saved him in Top 20 before going into the Top 18.

On the Top 18 show that I watched tonight, they said good-bye to Moises after neither the Twitter vote, nor the judges failed to save him.  It was too bad.  He's such a graceful and elegant dancer, and I love that he dances with all of his soul.  He's a better dancer than most of the street dancers, and had this been the regular format, I think he could have gone quite a ways.

Congrats on such a strong performance, Moises, and I hope we see more of you in the coming years!

Caitlyn Jenner

I watched the Diane Sawyer interview of Bruce Jenner a while back and thought it was well done.  A lot of people were surprised that one of the most masculine men of the past few decades announced that he's really a she.  I wasn't.  Some LGBT people still in the closet go ultra far in the other direction to compensate for what they are dealing with.  When I was growing up, I found sports to be my man-shield.   During the interview, though, I think what surprised me the most was that Jenner is a Republican, but after looking at Jenner's past, I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised.  It will be interesting to see if Jenner transitions more to the middle of the road or Liberal side once she's seen the Republican party through the eyes of a trans person.

Let me first say that I've never watched more than 15 seconds of Keeping up with the Kardashians, so outside of the Olympic stuff, I had no idea of who Jenner really was until watching the special.  Sure, I've seen the hints over the past few years and if someone would have asked me years ago when the transition rumors started surfacing, I would have put down money that Jenner was indeed trans just based on the subtle changes and the knowledge of all the other transitions I have seen.

It appears that Vanity Fair pictures of Caitlyn Jenner are appearing on the internet today.  It looks like she had a little FFS...mainly on the jaw, and the professional photography and lighting are a plus.  She looks good.  I'm happy for her.

A few months ago, I was going to write an entry after watching the Diane Sawyer interview, but I had DVR'd it and it took me a few days to find some spare time to watch it.  I thought about JLo'ing her name into BJen (Be Jen) and suggesting that Jennifer Jenner has kind of a superheroine alter-ego ring to it, but I never got around to it.  I didn't expect a "Caitlyn," though.

A number of years back, I wrote a small screenplay for a friend.  He wanted it to be about 2 trans people who fell in love.  I named them Kate and Aiden.  Why?  Because I ran into a lot of transpeople named that.  While the name Kate has a classy appeal to it, the name didn't have a resurgence until the mid-1960's. Aiden is a relatively new name...and if you were over the age of 20 (when I wrote the screenplay), then I basically knew that you were trans.  How?  Because Aiden wasn't a name when you were born!  That's how!

The name "Caitlyn" wasn't even a name when Jenner was born. 

I did a little homework when picking out Kara, but then again, I had it picked out in the early 80's when it peaked.  OK, while the "name versus time" thing is a pet peeve of mine, it's sorta one of those things I just kinda laugh off and shrug my shoulders at.  I guess it's actually better than the secret trans handshake, though, because with the name thing I usually know in advance.  For instance, I got a Facebook friend request from someone named Kaden who shared a number of my high school friends. Ding, ding, ding...the trans radar went off simply based on the name, and sure enough, one of my female high school classmates was transitioning into a man.

In all honesty, though, I want people to be happy.  I just want people to realize the consequences of choosing a name that isn't common or even existent when they were born.

So, back to Caitlyn.  Some people are judging her transition timeline.  I'm sure some people think she's taking things too fast.  Everyone is different, and with a good support network, one can go as fast as they feel.  And you know what, she's not unaccustomed to going fast.  She did kick everyone's ass in the decathlon back in the 70's.  That reminds me...one question that wasn't talked about in the Diane Sawyer interview was how Jenner reacted to Renee Richards' transition back around that same time.  I wonder if Jenner went more in the closet or if that opened her eyes to her situation.  Who knows. 

While transition isn't a race, I can say that I beat Caitlyn in at least one thing.  Her best time in the 1500 meters:  4:12.6.  My best time in the 1500 meters:  4:05.98.  She'd kick my ass in the other 9 events, though.

Frameline 2014

Another San Francisco Pride brings with it another Frameline film fest.  This is my yearly review of the films that I saw.  Long story short:  go see Boy Meets Girl!

Broken Heart Land (IMdb)
I grew up in Texas, Colorado, South Dakota, and Missouri, so when I saw this film about a gay kid committing suicide in Oklahoma, I figured it would be an interesting film.  The story centers on the family of Zachary Harrington after Zachary has died.  The only glimpse one gets of him is his journal entries that are voiced at certain times during the film.

The rest of the movie deals with the family coming to grips with Zachary's sexuality and HIV status.  The film also covers a very interesting political battle over city council seats.  Overall, it was a decent film but the only out people appeared to be the lesbian couple in the political battle.  All of the other gay people still appeared to be in denial and well into the closet.  (Seriously...watch the film.  Every time there was someone bashing gay people, my girlfriend and I stared at each other and pointed out just how gay they were.)

Fun In Girls Shorts

Usually I don't post anything about the shorts programs, but I figured I would mention Marisa Tomei's She Said, She Said (watch the short on Vimeo) about two lesbians going through a divorce.  I thought it was a cute little short, and, with big name actors, I knew the acting would be pretty decent.

Get Animated

Another shorts program, in a category I had never seen at Frameline, was one involving animated stories.  Because animated stories typically allow a wider story to be told than the regular live actor films, especially more sci-fi type stories, I thought this one could be really cool.  I was lured in by the picture in Frameline's movie catalog from a short called Bendik and the Monster (see a teaser on Youtube), which turned out to be the only decent short in this set, both in story and quality of the animation.  The only other one that was semi-decent was Tord and Tord (see a teaser on Vimeo), but that one kinda left you without an answer at the end.  The rest of the shorts weren't worth watching.

Open Up to Me (IMdb / preview on Youtube )

My girlfriend was out of town during the week, so I went by myself to a few films.  In this "slice of life" movie, Maarit, a post-op transwoman, finds herself in a dead-end cleaning job but longs to find a position that utilizes her true skills.  After happening across a married couple struggling with their relationship, she becomes the girl on the side with someone distantly from her past.  Although they had a woman play the transwoman role, the film was decent and showed that our world isn't so black and white, but actually quite gray.

Boulevard (IMdb / Netflix)

With big names like Marisa Tomei showing up for a lesbian short, I was semi-surprised to see this feature with a lot of big names.  Robin Williams, Kathy Baker, and Bob Odenkirk star in this film about an older married man coming to grips with his sexuality by hiring a gay prostitute to hang out with him.  There were a lot of slow scenes and some awkward scenes, but Bob Odenkirk totally stole this film whenever he was in it (which is probably why he was given his own spin-off show later this fall in Better Call Saul.)  Overall, interesting story, but a little awkward and slow.  The only thing saving it are the big name actors.

Songs for Alexis (IMdb / Netflix)

Eighteen year old Ryan Cassata falls for sixteen year old Alexis in this coming of age film set in both New York and San Francisco.  After meeting Alexis in California, Ryan convinces Alexis to spend time with him in New York, but the distance and Alexis' conservative parents end up keeping the two apart.  Ryan uses the experience to put his emotion into song.  The two hook up again at the end of the film and decide to move to San Francisco.

Ryan attended the film and was able to give a personal update since filming ended two years ago.  Sadly to say, Ryan is now single.  This film will probably appeal more toward the younger crowd, but it's very interesting to watch these youth in probably their first serious relationship.  Ryan has had top surgery, but is non-op and non-hormones, which makes him more of an eternal boy without testosterone clogging his veins.

Drunktown's Finest (IMdb / Netflix)

It's always nice to see transwomen play transwomen roles, which is why I wanted to see this film.  Three stories are woven together about Native American lives on and around the reservation.  Carmen Moore, who I see actually is a porn star, seemed to fit the role of the transsexual selling her body for cash.  It was also nice to see the other side of that life with her grandparents.  Overall, this was a decent film and I liked how the stories were woven together.

Boy Meets Girl (IMdb)

I usually see about ten sets of films during Frameline, and typically there are only one or two gems.  This one was it, and was definitely my favorite film of Frameline38.  I laughed and I cried during this movie, and really enjoyed this polished product.  Even my girlfriend, who rarely cries at the movies, was caught wiping away tears at the end of this one.

In this story, Ricky and Robby have been best friends since they were six years old.  They both live in a small town in Kentucky, but what makes it interesting is that Ricky transitioned early on.  When the rich and beautiful Francesca rolls into Ricky's coffee shop, Ricky and Francesca find themselves in an unexpected lesbian relationship.  To complicate things, Francesca is planning to marry one of the locals when he returns from a military tour.  The present day story is interwoven with amusing and heartbreaking flashbacks of their past.  Michael Welch, who attended the film and spoke afterward, gave a strong performance as Robby, and newcomer, Michele Hendley (twitter) did a great job as Ricky.  Out of all of the films, this is the one to see, and hopefully it will do well with any type of moderate release.

David Alan Grier Loves Transsexuals

My girlfriend, C, heard David Alan Grier on the radio a few months ago and bought us tickets to a comedy show in San Francisco for that night.  She thought he was funny and I had remembered liking him from In Living Color.  It sounded like a fun time.

We had dinner at some little Italian place on Columbus Avenue, grabbed a little tea at Starbucks, then found some decent seats at Cobb's Comedy Club.

A local woman opened up the show and had some decent jokes.  Dave Siegel was up next and did a pretty good job.  He wove his recent relationship adventures into some pretty decent comedy.  C and I related to a number of the tales, including the need for toenails to be trimmed otherwise major screaming can be involved.  One of Dave's defining moments of his time on stage, though, was pointing out the difference between comedy and tragedy.

"Tragedy is your dog dying.  Comedy is your cat dying."

OK, I will admit, I laughed.  C wasn't too happy but probably laughed under her breath.  I'm sure that Dave likely distanced himself from half of the audience, but he did make a point.  Comedy and tragedy can sometimes depend on your point of view.

The final comedian was David Alan Grier.  I was totally ready to laugh my ass off.

Unfortunately, David decided to start off his act with a joke about transsexuals.  The bad part is that it wasn't even a joke, it was just a verbal bashing of a transwoman that he had seen earlier in the day.

"God didn't know whether to make it a man or a woman," said David during his little rant on transsexuals.

I swear, 1 out of every 2 comedians that I see in San Francisco who are not from the Bay Area tend to rip on transsexuals.  The jokes are typically classless and low, and it sometimes feels like any out-of-towner can come here and make fun of transsexuals.

I suppose many feel that transsexuals are the lowest rung on the totem pole.  There aren't many "below" us, and, thus, they feel it is easy to make fun of us.  After listening to David during his bit, one can easily surmise that David does not have a firm grasp on his own life.  It may be because his personal life is not so great that he needs to bash types of people that he thinks are lower.  It may be because he actually thinks his jokes are funny, who knows.

Either way, David probably didn't know that he had at least one transsexual sitting in the audience.  One kinda pissed transsexual.  One kinda kinda pissed transsexual who knows how to throw.

If I had had something soft at my table, I probably would have heaved it, but I only had a drinking glass. While it would have been comedic if I hit him, it probably would have ended fairly tragic for both of us.

10 years post-FFS

It is hard to believe that 10 years ago, at this moment, I was unconscious on an operating table with Dr. Ousterhout rearranging my face.  While it cost a huge chunk of money and took months to fully recover, it was one hell of an investment.

I'm not saying transition would have been any better or worse without it; it just made it different.  Almost everyone at work still knew my past, so it's not like they all thought I was a genetic girl.  They didn't.

The thing I heard years later, though, was that everyone noticed how much happier I was after transition.

They were right.  I was finally me.

I was 33 when I had FFS.  I'm 43 now.  Since then, I've had a number of girlfriends:  E, S, B, and now C.  I lost my mom, but I gained another nephew.  I've been laid off from my old company after a merger and I now work at one of my former competitors.  Some people from my old company work at my new company, so I haven't totally disappeared off the radar.  I'm also not sure if any of the stories of where I used to work have made it over to where I work now since I still have many of the same contacts that I had before.  Luckily, most people don't seem to care.

I feel older now.  Back then, I felt like I still had a lot of my youth, but now I can feel it slowly starting to fade away.  I have a lot of gray hair and my wrinkles are starting to become more prominent.  I'm told that I look younger than my age, but some of that could be due to a youthful nature or, as my sister would swear, due to the mini-facelift from FFS.

The past 10 years as a woman, in comparison to the first 33 as a man, provide a different perspective. As I watch my two nephews grow up (one is 7 and the other just turned 11), I realize just how much of a boy or man that I wasn't.  They play rough and they do silly things that my family says boys do.  I don't remember doing many of those things, but maybe it has been so long since I was a kid that I forgot what I did back then.  Besides studying my ass off, I seem to remember being more interested in riding my bike and hanging out at the local kickball game than anything else.

I saw an old friend this weekend and mentioned to her that it has been 10 years.

"Has it been that long," she asked.

Time flies.  The past 10 years have moved fast when viewed in the grander scale, but slow when viewed on a day by day basis. And, it's funny.  I just calculated the cost of my FFS if spread out over 10 years.  $11.50.  That's no interest, of course, but it's interesting to see the cost spread out as such.  It's not so much when spread out like that.

And, there are still lingering affects from FFS.  The feeling on top of my head is about 70-80% there.  The same with the four front teeth on the bottom.  I can feel a few of the screws that held my chin in place and the scar along the bottom of my mouth still feels tight once in a while.  (He went in twice...once to fix a bump that I had.)  I still have a small bump on my nose, too.  I had implants on the hairline to hide the incision, and have been wearing my hair back for a few years.

So, while there are ups and downs, it's still been worth every penny.

Sasha

I caught a local news program this morning about a youth who had their skirt set on fire as they were sleeping in the back of an AC transit bus.  This happened basically in my backyard, so it hits a little too close to home.  We have a lot of tolerance in the Bay Area, but there are still those that just don't get it or have some fear of what they don't understand.

Sasha, the person that was set on fire, identifies as agender and prefers to use the pronoun 'they' when being identified.  She's recovering in a local hospital and they are reporting that she will need skin grafts. 

KTVU, which was the channel that aired the four incorrect names of the pilots in the Asiana plane crash and called Gwen Araujo 'he' and 'Eddie' numerous times, has continued to use improper pronouns in tonight's broadcast.  Outside of that, though, they have been doing a fairly decent job in the coverage.

Upon watching this evening's coverage of the event, even Sasha's dad struggles to use 'they', but he did recover during the interview and went back to using 'they' with a glance to his wife.  It's not easy being thrust into the spotlight in cases like this, but I'm hoping they can weather the storm.  With Transgender Day of Remembrance later this month, I'm just glad that Sasha survived the attack.

Keeping Jelly Belly's out of kids hands

Apologies for not posting much at all this year.  I started dating C about six months ago and have enjoyed spending a significant amount of time with her.

She and I went to the Transgender Law Center's fundraiser recently and, while there, I spoke briefly with Masen Davis, TLC's Executive Director.  He mentioned that some of the same people behind Prop 8 are now going after trans-kids.  California recently passed Assembly Bill 1266 which provides some equal protections to trans-kids.  The bill goes into effect on January 1, 2014 and was co-sponsored by the Transgender Law Center.  TLC secures much of their money from grants and donations, and to take on the Prop 8 people will not be cheap.  If you can spare any funds, please donate.

Also, I ran across another article about the chairman of Jelly Belly donating money against the California law that protects trans-kids.  Really?  Sigh.  I loved those jelly beans and, now, well, I'm done with them.  At least my dentist will be happier.  There is even a petition on Change.org to get our Jelly Belly's back.  If you have time, please sign.