Friday, May 29, 2009

The Dr. O Chat

I have attended the TGSF Executive Committee meeting for the past few months ever since winning the title of Ms. Transgender San Francisco 2009. A few months ago they were looking at some education options, one of which included seeing if Dr. O was up for presenting on FFS.

So, I contacted his office to see if he would be available at one of TGSF's End of Month activities. We settled on May 28th for him to talk. I confirmed both a month and week ahead of time and gave them my number if anything went wrong.

Dr. O and Mira both showed up right on time, if not a touch early, but unfortunately, our usual private room was not available and we were not able to have the presentation as we would have preferred.

I was horribly disappointed since we put in a lot of effort to have him there, and he was unable to present on his materials. Not only that, but there were people that came to hear him talk.

As Dr. O, Mira, and myself waited on the potential opening of our presentation room, though, we were able to chat a little.

Initially, Dr. O planned to retire in 2011. That has since changed. It appears that he plans to work another 3-5 years, making his likelihood for retirement sometime between 2012 to 2014.

It also appears that Dr. O will have a successor. Mira mentioned that they do plan on having an announcement in the future. On the downside, it appears that successor may not be in the San Francisco Bay Area. Mira mentioned a location for the announcement, but I'm not going to mention it here as it may lead to a lot of conjecture.

She also mentioned that Dr. O will be alongside the successor in the OR for a decent amount of time to ensure all knowledge has been passed along.

Dr. O did mention that the economy isn't the best right now, and even he was feeling it, but he still had patients coming in for FFS. I know a lot of trans-people have probably been affected by the economy as well, and have likely put off FFS or SRS because of their financial situations. Hopefully the delay in his retirement will bring a little sigh of relief to those still working on their funds.

Dr. O is a very resilient man. His father lived into his 90's, I believe, and at least one of his father's siblings just celebrated their 95th birthday. I think Dr. O's work has even gotten better since I saw him in 2004. A local girl recently had surgery with him this past Fall, and I have to say, she is probably the best result I have ever seen of his patients. So, it's nice to know he is still spitting out some great work, and will continue to do so for the next few years.

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

Marie Claire article

I caught this on-line article a week or two ago and finally got a little time to write about it.

In the article, a woman with a disfiguring condition discusses her dating situation. When I first read the title, the thought of my own situation definitely ran through my mind. As I read the article, though, I definitely related to her on some issues, especially as we try to live up to the physical female expectations of our bodies.

But, as many people mentioned in the comments of a couple of the sites hosting this article, she definitely lets the condition affect her own dating perception, just as I let my own transsexual status affect mine. There is even a comment from another transsexual on the Marie Claire site that I found particularly interesting.

The hard part with all of it is being secure with our own situations and feeling comfortable enough with potential dateables to let them in on some of our more personal characteristics.

Friday, May 01, 2009


The radio alarm awoke me from my slumber this morning, and I had no idea what day it was. Was it Saturday, or was it Friday?'s Friday. I need to go to work.

The past 12 days have been a whirlwind of activity. And if, as some believe, brain exertion is just as taxing as physical exertion, then I am worn out. I'm fatigued. Tired. I've reached a state of decreased mental consciousness.

And it's not from spending 7 of the past 10 work days at a vendor. It's not from the 2-hour 1-way drive to the vendor. It's not the project whose cryptic data leads us in circles around our minds.

It's a combination of all of it, combined with all of life's little worries.

I'm lost. Usually I'm a problem solver. And I'm a pretty good one. It's what I know I'm good at. I can look at a problem, figure out why it's a problem, come up with different ways to systematically solve it, and then figure out how to prevent it from happening again.

And, this one, well, this one seems to defy logic. It sends us one way, we get there, and then it sends us off in another direction. The current noise oscillates outside the data stream, causing us to run off every which way like a 5 year old girl chasing a puppy. Except it's not a puppy. It's Cujo.

I'm tired.

Even though I had a guy over to my place the other night who likes me, and I said he could crash at my place, I told him I needed to get some sleep because I had to get up early the next morning to be on the road at my vendor. All I could think about was sleep...crawling into my bed and just not thinking about anything.

And, so, when I stepped outside my apartment this morning, I noticed the soft rain falling from the gray gloomy sky above. I totally drove to work on auto-pilot.

At work, my boss and I finally had our little quarterly one-on-one where he told me, although I am still doing a good job, I haven't been assertive enough in my daily meeting with the vendor.

Assertiveness hasn't been one of my strongest points...especially when I am tired. It's also hard when the project leader and your boss attend the meeting in order to further drive actions as this one item becomes the major sticking point. My authority extends only so far, and beyond that I have to rely on those above me. When they participate in the meeting, it's hard to not take on a less assertive role. And I wonder if the less assertive observation is in reference to who and what I was. I may have looked like a guy, but inside I was still a fragile little girl. If they expect the assertiveness of the man I was and not the woman I am, then I may seem even less assertive.

Either way, I'm tired, and could really use a few days to sleep. And not drive. And to not think about any of it.