Monday, October 15, 2007

I'm not a transsexual....

...I like to think of myself as more of a transcuddlist.

Sex is so overrated...well, at least to me it is. Sure, sex is nice, but lying there in someone's arms, or them in's like one of those priceless commercials.

I think putting the sex in transSEXual, though, is one of those things that adds to the stereotype of transsexualism. I've seen prior mention of trying to use transgender instead of transsexual, but the term transgender was soon grabbed by the community as a whole. Now, there really isn't anything left to use. (It's still interesting that the intersex community moved away from hermaphrodite to intersex.)

Anyway, yes, I'm still a transsexual...I just like to cuddle more than have sex. :)

Wednesday, October 10, 2007


I've only been mildly following the ENDA (Employment Non-Discrimination Act) proceedings. The bill, in some form or another, has been around since the 70's, but not officially called ENDA until the mid-90's. Basically, it is a federal bill that would provide protection to people based on their sexual orientation. This year, they finally added gender identity to the bill. Unfortunately, with Republicans controlling a large portion of our government during the 2000's, this bill has stalled out. (Luckily, many states, mainly blue states, of course, have moved forward with their own protections over the past several years.) Now that Democrats control a bit more in the House and Senate, this bill is approaching a point where it will pass....IF, it doesn't include the transgender portion.

This is where the support starts to divide. Many LGBT groups have stood by their transgender allies and said they want both sexual orientation and gender identity on the bill, or they won't support it. I'm all for that. There are also groups that say "let's get the bill passed without the gender identity on there so that we have the basic protection in place on a federal level." Many in the transgender world feel this second approach is a slap in the face. Perhaps they are right.

I understand where they are coming from, but I'm also looking at the grander scheme of things. If a bill were passed giving federal protection for everyone based on their sexual orientation, it would be a huge step for the United States. A lot of LGBT organizations exist in blue states or larger cities, but if anyone has looked at the map lately, there is a large portion of the US that is red...not blue or purple, but red. Also, many states first passed their laws associated with sexual orientation before moving on to cover gender identity.

A lot of people may think that because we're being excluded, that we are "less worthy than gay people...considered second class citizens...and that we don't deserve protections." The truth of the matter is, not many people really understand or are aware of us...or the issues we deal with. There are many people and organizations out there, though, that are trying to make a difference. They will, with time, be able to add gender identity to the federal bill. And to be honest, it's quite easy to find protection for transgender people under the LGB banner. Perception. That's all it takes. If someone perceives you to be gay or lesbian, you have that protection. It doesn't matter if you are or not, but if you were discriminated against based on that perception, there is the potential that you can be protected.

Anyway, what I am trying to say here is...removing the transgender clause from ENDA may be the best option for the long run. I am probably a minority voice in the transgender world and I'll probably take criticism for it, but I think it's the best current option. Yes, I realize it may have been a big bargaining chip that the Democrats used in getting this passed, but, if you look at the benefits for the whole LGBT world, it may be worth it. If we step aside for the short-term, hopefully the transgender option can be added down the road once ENDA is implemented. (Unfortunately, with Bush still in the White House, the bill is likely to be vetoed no matter which version makes it though.)

Sometimes you have to take a step back in order to take two steps forward.

Monday, October 08, 2007


Well, yesterday I came out to the woman I am seeing. We met up for brunch and then hung out at Fleet Week watching the air shows. She had surgery on her ankle a few weeks ago, so she's still using crutches, and thus, not able to get around that well, so we found a spot and just kinda watched things...and chatted. The area was kinda crowded, though, so I waited.

As I was driving her back to her car, I came out to her.

"Wow. Really?"




Her eyes sparkled. Her jaw slightly dropped. Her response indicated that she had no idea.

I told her that, although there was an age difference, I liked her a lot and would like to see where things go. I also told her that because we were growing closer, I wanted her to know about my situation...that I wanted to be honest with things. (Of course, not telling her does not necessarily indicate I was being dishonest.)

She seemed to take it OK and we chatted for a little longer. I told her if she ever had any questions, she should just ask me. I don't think she's a lesbian, but I do believe she prefers women...which could kinda be in my favor.

So, I helped her out of the car and got her on her crutches before each of us went our separate ways. We'll see how the whole thing pans out this week.

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Oops...I did it again.

Remember this? Whoops

Well, I did it again. The pitch was low and inside...again...and well, it was yelling at me to hit it really hard. And I did. And it flew really far. And the bases were loaded. Yup, grand slam.

"Kara, did you know it was gone right away?"

"Yeah, I could just feel it off of the bat."

"I knew it was gone as soon as you hit it."

In all of my days of playing baseball and softball, I never hit it over the fence until last year. I never had that exciting feeling of watching the ball sail out of the park. Every time I hit a home run in the past, I had to work for running really fast around the base paths. And then, usually, if I did get a "home run", there was usually some type of error associated with, I guess some of them weren't real home runs.

A friend of mine recently pointed me to the video of a college professor with terminal pancreatic cancer. The video is of his last lecture, in which he talks for about an hour and a half about childhood dreams. I realize it's a long video to watch, but if you have time, I really recommend it.

Anyway, hitting the home run made me realize one of my childhood dreams...I always wanted to hit the ball over the fence for a grand slam. Here's the list of childhood dreams I can remember:

I wanted be Princess Leia. be a professional baseball player. hit a homerun. hit a game winning grand slam. be pregnant and have a child. have a really cool car. be a rock star. be Robin from Batman and Robin. be a track star. run in the Olympics. fly.

Some might say there are a lot of dreams that are opposite one another. Perhaps there are. I guess Princess Leia would never be able to be a professional baseball player...but I bet she could shoot a mean phase pistol.

In the video, the professor mentions brick walls, and how to get around them. One thing he never really mentioned completely, though, was adjustment of those dreams to better suit the current situation. Adaptation.

I was never Princess Leia, but I have dressed up as the 90's version as Lara Croft. I also feel like I'm a fairly strong woman like Princess Leia. We'll mark this one checked off.

I'll never be a professional baseball player. I realized this in my youth when I never got that big. My dad used to try keeping my dream alive by telling me of a 5'5" second baseman that played for the Kansas City Royals back in the 70's, I believe. In my case, though, I knew it was never going to happen and I simply dropped this dream.

Up until I hit the home run last year, I'd never really been close. It felt really awesome to do it then, although I still tried to maintain a low profile about it.

Grand slam. Done.

I'm never going to be pregnant, but I can still have a child. We'll see how this dream progresses over the next 5-10 years.

Cool car. Check, it's cool enough.

Rock star., but I still like singing in the shower and in my car on occasion. Oh, and I got to perform on stage during both Ms. TGSF pageants. Hmm...well, let's just leave this one open...even though I can't sing that well.

Robin. Hmm...well, I dressed up as him one Halloween when I was a kid. The female version of Robin in the 1986 graphic novel, The Dark Knight Returns, added to the dream. I suppose, in a way, just being a good person is the best any of us can do to be our own superhero.

Track star. Ehh...close enough.

Olympic competitor. I wish I would have been good enough, but reaching that goal would have been incredible.

To fly? Well, I realized early on that flying around like Supergirl just wasn't going to happen. I have flown on plenty of airplanes...both large and small, and rode co-pilot on a very small plane once...such that, I was almost scared out of my pants as we blindly descended though a sea of clouds. One day, I think I would like to try free fall parachuting...but I'm still not sure I could make it past the airplane door.

There are a few other dreams that I haven't mentioned saving the world, or going into outer space, or writing a book or a screenplay, or scoring the winning touchdown...but there are some dreams that are meant to stay dreams and others we possibly work on down the road. (I have to have something I do while sleeping, right?)

I guess one of my most important dreams, though, was to be myself. That has probably been the dream I'm most proud of, and yes, it's checked off.

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Coming out

When I first came out, it was a very taxing thing to do. Telling people what you are about to embark on, and experiencing their reactions was very difficult. It became so hard to do that I left some of it to my mom and family. It's been basically 3.5 years since I first came out, and almost 3 years since I stopped having to come out to people.

I suppose coming out to a good friend that I have known for the past 2 years was a little harder than I thought it would be. She's never indicated that she knew, and for the most part, I thought she would handle it OK. Unfortunately, since she is dating the friend of the girl I am seeing, I felt it was time to inform her...mainly in case word leaked after I came out to the girl I am starting to date.

"Hey Leia, I have something important to tell you and I'm not exactly sure how to say it."

"Hmm...ok. Just say it."

"Well.......I was born with both male and female parts." (Some people might consider this lying, but it's an easier way of breaking someone in to the whole transgender thing. And, yes, in this case, I am considering my mind/brain to be the female part.)

"Hmmpphh. Really?"

"Yeah. And I lived as a guy for quite a while."

We chatted longer about some of the details...including how recently I transitioned (over 3.5 years ago). She seemed to do OK with it. In the past, she's mentioned some transgender topics, and although she didn't seem to have any issues with transgender people, she had perspectives on some aspects that weren't totally favorable...although, not really negative, either. It's OK, though, because I've known some T's with the same perspectives. And, really, you can't get the T perspective until you are really aware of the full situation. She did tell me, though, that she is helping a young FTM pay for hormones...which made me think some of her views might have been more for FTM's than MTF's.

Anyway, things went well...and I explained to her why I came out...because she knows the girl I am starting to date. I also explained why I was taking things a little slow with she could get to know me first. She asked when I was going to tell her, and I said it would likely be sometime late this week or into the weekend. We'll see how it goes.