Frameline 2014

Another San Francisco Pride brings with it another Frameline film fest.  This is my yearly review of the films that I saw.  Long story short:  go see Boy Meets Girl!

Broken Heart Land (IMdb)
I grew up in Texas, Colorado, South Dakota, and Missouri, so when I saw this film about a gay kid committing suicide in Oklahoma, I figured it would be an interesting film.  The story centers on the family of Zachary Harrington after Zachary has died.  The only glimpse one gets of him is his journal entries that are voiced at certain times during the film.

The rest of the movie deals with the family coming to grips with Zachary's sexuality and HIV status.  The film also covers a very interesting political battle over city council seats.  Overall, it was a decent film but the only out people appeared to be the lesbian couple in the political battle.  All of the other gay people still appeared to be in denial and well into the closet.  (Seriously...watch the film.  Every time there was someone bashing gay people, my girlfriend and I stared at each other and pointed out just how gay they were.)

Fun In Girls Shorts

Usually I don't post anything about the shorts programs, but I figured I would mention Marisa Tomei's She Said, She Said (watch the short on Vimeo) about two lesbians going through a divorce.  I thought it was a cute little short, and, with big name actors, I knew the acting would be pretty decent.

Get Animated

Another shorts program, in a category I had never seen at Frameline, was one involving animated stories.  Because animated stories typically allow a wider story to be told than the regular live actor films, especially more sci-fi type stories, I thought this one could be really cool.  I was lured in by the picture in Frameline's movie catalog from a short called Bendik and the Monster (see a teaser on Youtube), which turned out to be the only decent short in this set, both in story and quality of the animation.  The only other one that was semi-decent was Tord and Tord (see a teaser on Vimeo), but that one kinda left you without an answer at the end.  The rest of the shorts weren't worth watching.

Open Up to Me (IMdb / preview on Youtube )

My girlfriend was out of town during the week, so I went by myself to a few films.  In this "slice of life" movie, Maarit, a post-op transwoman, finds herself in a dead-end cleaning job but longs to find a position that utilizes her true skills.  After happening across a married couple struggling with their relationship, she becomes the girl on the side with someone distantly from her past.  Although they had a woman play the transwoman role, the film was decent and showed that our world isn't so black and white, but actually quite gray.

Boulevard (IMdb / Netflix)

With big names like Marisa Tomei showing up for a lesbian short, I was semi-surprised to see this feature with a lot of big names.  Robin Williams, Kathy Baker, and Bob Odenkirk star in this film about an older married man coming to grips with his sexuality by hiring a gay prostitute to hang out with him.  There were a lot of slow scenes and some awkward scenes, but Bob Odenkirk totally stole this film whenever he was in it (which is probably why he was given his own spin-off show later this fall in Better Call Saul.)  Overall, interesting story, but a little awkward and slow.  The only thing saving it are the big name actors.

Songs for Alexis (IMdb / Netflix)

Eighteen year old Ryan Cassata falls for sixteen year old Alexis in this coming of age film set in both New York and San Francisco.  After meeting Alexis in California, Ryan convinces Alexis to spend time with him in New York, but the distance and Alexis' conservative parents end up keeping the two apart.  Ryan uses the experience to put his emotion into song.  The two hook up again at the end of the film and decide to move to San Francisco.

Ryan attended the film and was able to give a personal update since filming ended two years ago.  Sadly to say, Ryan is now single.  This film will probably appeal more toward the younger crowd, but it's very interesting to watch these youth in probably their first serious relationship.  Ryan has had top surgery, but is non-op and non-hormones, which makes him more of an eternal boy without testosterone clogging his veins.

Drunktown's Finest (IMdb / Netflix)

It's always nice to see transwomen play transwomen roles, which is why I wanted to see this film.  Three stories are woven together about Native American lives on and around the reservation.  Carmen Moore, who I see actually is a porn star, seemed to fit the role of the transsexual selling her body for cash.  It was also nice to see the other side of that life with her grandparents.  Overall, this was a decent film and I liked how the stories were woven together.

Boy Meets Girl (IMdb)

I usually see about ten sets of films during Frameline, and typically there are only one or two gems.  This one was it, and was definitely my favorite film of Frameline38.  I laughed and I cried during this movie, and really enjoyed this polished product.  Even my girlfriend, who rarely cries at the movies, was caught wiping away tears at the end of this one.

In this story, Ricky and Robby have been best friends since they were six years old.  They both live in a small town in Kentucky, but what makes it interesting is that Ricky transitioned early on.  When the rich and beautiful Francesca rolls into Ricky's coffee shop, Ricky and Francesca find themselves in an unexpected lesbian relationship.  To complicate things, Francesca is planning to marry one of the locals when he returns from a military tour.  The present day story is interwoven with amusing and heartbreaking flashbacks of their past.  Michael Welch, who attended the film and spoke afterward, gave a strong performance as Robby, and newcomer, Michele Hendley (twitter) did a great job as Ricky.  Out of all of the films, this is the one to see, and hopefully it will do well with any type of moderate release.

David Alan Grier Loves Transsexuals

My girlfriend, C, heard David Alan Grier on the radio a few months ago and bought us tickets to a comedy show in San Francisco for that night.  She thought he was funny and I had remembered liking him from In Living Color.  It sounded like a fun time.

We had dinner at some little Italian place on Columbus Avenue, grabbed a little tea at Starbucks, then found some decent seats at Cobb's Comedy Club.

A local woman opened up the show and had some decent jokes.  Dave Siegel was up next and did a pretty good job.  He wove his recent relationship adventures into some pretty decent comedy.  C and I related to a number of the tales, including the need for toenails to be trimmed otherwise major screaming can be involved.  One of Dave's defining moments of his time on stage, though, was pointing out the difference between comedy and tragedy.

"Tragedy is your dog dying.  Comedy is your cat dying."

OK, I will admit, I laughed.  C wasn't too happy but probably laughed under her breath.  I'm sure that Dave likely distanced himself from half of the audience, but he did make a point.  Comedy and tragedy can sometimes depend on your point of view.

The final comedian was David Alan Grier.  I was totally ready to laugh my ass off.

Unfortunately, David decided to start off his act with a joke about transsexuals.  The bad part is that it wasn't even a joke, it was just a verbal bashing of a transwoman that he had seen earlier in the day.

"God didn't know whether to make it a man or a woman," said David during his little rant on transsexuals.

I swear, 1 out of every 2 comedians that I see in San Francisco who are not from the Bay Area tend to rip on transsexuals.  The jokes are typically classless and low, and it sometimes feels like any out-of-towner can come here and make fun of transsexuals.

I suppose many feel that transsexuals are the lowest rung on the totem pole.  There aren't many "below" us, and, thus, they feel it is easy to make fun of us.  After listening to David during his bit, one can easily surmise that David does not have a firm grasp on his own life.  It may be because his personal life is not so great that he needs to bash types of people that he thinks are lower.  It may be because he actually thinks his jokes are funny, who knows.

Either way, David probably didn't know that he had at least one transsexual sitting in the audience.  One kinda pissed transsexual.  One kinda kinda pissed transsexual who knows how to throw.

If I had had something soft at my table, I probably would have heaved it, but I only had a drinking glass. While it would have been comedic if I hit him, it probably would have ended fairly tragic for both of us.

10 years post-FFS

It is hard to believe that 10 years ago, at this moment, I was unconscious on an operating table with Dr. Ousterhout rearranging my face.  While it cost a huge chunk of money and took months to fully recover, it was one hell of an investment.

I'm not saying transition would have been any better or worse without it; it just made it different.  Almost everyone at work still knew my past, so it's not like they all thought I was a genetic girl.  They didn't.

The thing I heard years later, though, was that everyone noticed how much happier I was after transition.

They were right.  I was finally me.

I was 33 when I had FFS.  I'm 43 now.  Since then, I've had a number of girlfriends:  E, S, B, and now C.  I lost my mom, but I gained another nephew.  I've been laid off from my old company after a merger and I now work at one of my former competitors.  Some people from my old company work at my new company, so I haven't totally disappeared off the radar.  I'm also not sure if any of the stories of where I used to work have made it over to where I work now since I still have many of the same contacts that I had before.  Luckily, most people don't seem to care.

I feel older now.  Back then, I felt like I still had a lot of my youth, but now I can feel it slowly starting to fade away.  I have a lot of gray hair and my wrinkles are starting to become more prominent.  I'm told that I look younger than my age, but some of that could be due to a youthful nature or, as my sister would swear, due to the mini-facelift from FFS.

The past 10 years as a woman, in comparison to the first 33 as a man, provide a different perspective. As I watch my two nephews grow up (one is 7 and the other just turned 11), I realize just how much of a boy or man that I wasn't.  They play rough and they do silly things that my family says boys do.  I don't remember doing many of those things, but maybe it has been so long since I was a kid that I forgot what I did back then.  Besides studying my ass off, I seem to remember being more interested in riding my bike and hanging out at the local kickball game than anything else.

I saw an old friend this weekend and mentioned to her that it has been 10 years.

"Has it been that long," she asked.

Time flies.  The past 10 years have moved fast when viewed in the grander scale, but slow when viewed on a day by day basis. And, it's funny.  I just calculated the cost of my FFS if spread out over 10 years.  $11.50.  That's no interest, of course, but it's interesting to see the cost spread out as such.  It's not so much when spread out like that.

And, there are still lingering affects from FFS.  The feeling on top of my head is about 70-80% there.  The same with the four front teeth on the bottom.  I can feel a few of the screws that held my chin in place and the scar along the bottom of my mouth still feels tight once in a while.  (He went in twice...once to fix a bump that I had.)  I still have a small bump on my nose, too.  I had implants on the hairline to hide the incision, and have been wearing my hair back for a few years.

So, while there are ups and downs, it's still been worth every penny.

Sasha

I caught a local news program this morning about a youth who had their skirt set on fire as they were sleeping in the back of an AC transit bus.  This happened basically in my backyard, so it hits a little too close to home.  We have a lot of tolerance in the Bay Area, but there are still those that just don't get it or have some fear of what they don't understand.

Sasha, the person that was set on fire, identifies as agender and prefers to use the pronoun 'they' when being identified.  She's recovering in a local hospital and they are reporting that she will need skin grafts. 

KTVU, which was the channel that aired the four incorrect names of the pilots in the Asiana plane crash and called Gwen Araujo 'he' and 'Eddie' numerous times, has continued to use improper pronouns in tonight's broadcast.  Outside of that, though, they have been doing a fairly decent job in the coverage.

Upon watching this evening's coverage of the event, even Sasha's dad struggles to use 'they', but he did recover during the interview and went back to using 'they' with a glance to his wife.  It's not easy being thrust into the spotlight in cases like this, but I'm hoping they can weather the storm.  With Transgender Day of Remembrance later this month, I'm just glad that Sasha survived the attack.

Keeping Jelly Belly's out of kids hands

Apologies for not posting much at all this year.  I started dating C about six months ago and have enjoyed spending a significant amount of time with her.

She and I went to the Transgender Law Center's fundraiser recently and, while there, I spoke briefly with Masen Davis, TLC's Executive Director.  He mentioned that some of the same people behind Prop 8 are now going after trans-kids.  California recently passed Assembly Bill 1266 which provides some equal protections to trans-kids.  The bill goes into effect on January 1, 2014 and was co-sponsored by the Transgender Law Center.  TLC secures much of their money from grants and donations, and to take on the Prop 8 people will not be cheap.  If you can spare any funds, please donate.

Also, I ran across another article about the chairman of Jelly Belly donating money against the California law that protects trans-kids.  Really?  Sigh.  I loved those jelly beans and, now, well, I'm done with them.  At least my dentist will be happier.  There is even a petition on Change.org to get our Jelly Belly's back.  If you have time, please sign.

Peeing in China

I was recently in China on my eleventh trip there for work.  The places that I typically visit, either for work or  at the hotel, have a western style toilet.  I learned early on, though, that most of the area restaurants probably do not have one, though, so I usually pee right before leaving work and heading out to get dinner.

On this latest trip, though, I visited a vendor that I rarely see.  From the outside of the building, the facility looked very nice and contemporary, especially for China.  While the inside of the building was still very clean and nice, the toilets were not.

I had previously been to Japan twice in the 90's and had to use the Asian style "squat" toilets there.  The difference is, though, that I was still living as a man.  I did have to use the squat toilets there for #2, but there wasn't really any coordination needed other than keeping the ends of your pants from hitting the floor.  Japan also had fairly dry and clean facilities.

China doesn't.

So, I have to use the restroom at the vendor around mid-morning.  I walk in and open a stall door, only to be staring at something similar to the picture on the right. (I found this picture on the internet.)   Gah!  So, I look around the facilities to see if there is a western style toilet, but I didn't see anything on the stall doors suggesting such.  A Chinese woman then motions for me, grabs a bunch of tissue from the dispense unit near the door, and hands it to me before shooing me into a stall.

Now, this isn't the first time that I have used a Chinese style toilet as a woman.  I tried once before, but because I was wearing really nice clothes, I took off my pants before even attempting to pee in the trough.  The previous time was also in a more upscale Chinese style toilet that was a single small room.  This time, though, I was wearing jeans and wanted to try it without taking off my pants....especially since the floor was wet and I didn't want to get anything on my jeans or socks.

First thing I'm wondering, though, is which way do I stand.  There was a little "shield" on one end with the toilet exit on the other end.  I figured I should face the door since the shield was hopefully there to prevent spraying.

I align my feet over the trough, pull my pants down to my knees, grab the crotch of my jeans to keep them out of the way of any spray, then squat.  For an American that has never really had to squat to pee, this is not an easy position.  One of my old coworkers once joked that Asians had finely sculpted calves and could jump so high because of the squatting.  Who knows if that helps or not, but I think growing up using a squat toilet or simply using one on a constant basis probably helps get one in shape to use it without such physical strain.

Anyway, I start to pee while still holding the crouch of my jeans and keeping a nice wide stance.  It was not very comfortable at all, but I did manage to keep my jeans pee-free.  I did this twice while I was at the facility and seemed to be successful on both attempts.

When I speak at colleges, I am often asked if I miss anything from living as a man.  I oftentimes ask them if they have ever lived anywhere else and if they miss anything from where they used to live.  They usually say they miss something.  I ask them if they like where they live now.  They usually say yes.  Then I tell them that I miss a few things.

One of the things that I miss is being able to pee while standing up.

Fortunately, I like where I live now...both figurative and urinary.

Transgender Day of Remembrance 2012

I attended my first Transgender Day of Remembrance on November 20, 2002.  That event was ten years ago and was just months into my own transition.

At that time, Gwen Araujo had been killed the previous month by four young men and a girl who decided to rat Gwen out at an intoxicating party.  I attended her funeral with several transgender friends, but it was at that first TDOR when I experienced something for the first time.

It had been around three months since I had started hormones, and when Gwen's story of her murder was told and a bell was rung for her, it was the first time that I felt such an intense emotional response and overwhelming realization of the path I was on.

I cried.

I cried for her, and for all the other guys and gals who were murdered simply for trying to be themselves.  Sure, some girls and guys put themselves into not so safe situations, but that doesn't mean they deserve to die.  Some find themselves working the streets because it's the only way to earn the money needed to survive, but not everyone on the streets is a victim.

On the Transgender Day of Remembrance website, it lists 72 transgender people that have been killed in the past year.  Of them, at least one was murdered in the Bay Area, and quite a few are from Brazil, which has been a hot spot for transwomen murders the past few years.  On the slide show at the local TDOR event, they posted that 265 transgender people have been murdered in the past year.

The numbers are staggering.

Sometimes, I forget that there are such fierce predators in the world, but I have survived these past ten years fairly well.  I have cherished the good times, have grown from the bad times, and have tried to make do as best that I can.  I haven't tried to be me...I simply have been me.  And if I am ever killed for that simplest notion, I shall have no regrets for the journeys I have partaken, the friends I have made, nor the times I have shared.