I think I'm a hypocrite

I admit, I enjoy my anonymity. Sure, I've had a woman at work tell me she read my website before, but I can go most places in the world and not have to worry about someone going, "Hey, are you Kara Flynn?"...and then, even if they did, they would likely be T friendly.

I realized a while back that I have now been a woman longer in my current job than I was a man. Three years and one month versus three years and two months. It's still a pain when someone uses the wrong pronoun, but the people that knew me before grow smaller and smaller with time. Most simply have always known me as Kara...and most people seem to have down fairly well with now calling me Kara and 'she'.

So, now over three years later, I find I like people not really knowing my past. OK, it's not the people who know who are OK with things, it's dealing with the people who somehow have an issue with it. It's only a certain few who are the real troublemakers.

Most of my good friends at work know my situation. They seem cool with it, especially since most of them never knew me as a guy. It's the ones that either knew before and haven't fully adjusted yet, or the ones who never knew me before, who find out, and then start using the wrong pronouns or have an issue with it that bother me.

And, thus, I have found that a lot of people really don't want to know. Sure, there are some people that do want to know, but they are typically very positive about it. So, I guess, it's better to be safe, than to be sorry. If I came out to a large group, sure, I'd get the supporters, but I'd also get the haters or people who have an issue with it.

I recently received a note from one of my teammates. She's set up one of our practices to have a local newspaper come out to interview us and take pictures. Initially, I didn't respond, and then got an email from her saying I was the only one that hadn't responded. She asked if I would be OK with all of it. I told her it was OK, but I'm still cautious. I don't really want my picture plastered all over the local area. I guess I'd just like to have my teammates continue to see and hear me as female...and not as a transsexual (assuming they don't already know). I know, it's bad, but it really does suck when one person has trouble seeing you as female after knowing, even if they never would have known if you hadn't told them. It just takes one to ruin it for all of the rest.

And, surprising as it may seem, sometimes people may suspect the T stuff, but never really care that much to bother asking about it or inquiring if it is true. They'd just rather not know, and, you know, I think I rather not tell unless they ask about it.