Bacon

I should have been a vegetarian.

I grew up in the Midwest, so, meat was a regular part of my diet as a kid. Early on, any time that I had to eat meat, I typically struggled if it was anything but on the verge of being burnt. Steak with any pinkish color on the inside made me gag. Eating chicken with the meat still on the bone grossed me out. Hot dogs that weren't burned to a crisp on the outside caused me to spit it out. As long as it no longer resembled anything alive, I did OK. The only exception was bologna. Somehow I was fine with it up until like 8th or 9th grade when all of a sudden I realized it seemed like raw meat and the whole gagging thing kicked in again.

When I tell people that I should have been a vegetarian and how I used to gag on non-burnt meat as a kid, they tell me it's never too late to stop eating meat. Perhaps I could do it, but I think I would inevitably return to meat, mainly for one reason.

Bacon!

I have heard numerous stories about vegetarians going back to meat simply for bacon. Some go back for burgers. I tell friends that once you taste bacon, it's almost impossible to give it up. There's just no going back. Unfortunately for me, a vegetarian isn't the only thing I should have been.

I should have been a girl.

I grew up with male genes, so being a boy and doing masculine things was part of growing up. Early on, though, I knew something was different, but I didn't have any words for it. I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it, and that feeling continued to well up inside. I just did what I thought boys were supposed to do. As long as I didn't think too much about it, I did OK. The only exception was when girls were around...and, well, they were around a lot. Somehow I managed up until 7th or 8th grade when puberty hit. Once testosterone arrived on the scene, I would go through periods where things were mild, and at other times, I would go through these just horrible periods of my life.

I recently watched an intersex documentary about two girls born XY. They were never exposed to testosterone, and thus, looked like genetic girls. Another intersex person had the same condition, but had been treated with testosterone at an early age, and thus, was affected by the nasty drug. She ended up having the same journey as most transsexuals, at that point.

If I had never been exposed to testosterone, I think I would have lived a fairly "normal" female life. Once you're exposed to testosterone, though, there's just no going back.

That's not to say it isn't worth trying, though. You see, for me, there was no bacon in the gender world.

In the world of food, you're a vegetarian until you eat meat. Once you eat meat, you're no longer considered a vegetarian. But if you're a meat eater, once you eat a vegetable, you're still considered, well, you're still considered a meat eater.

Hypocrisy!

I suppose I am a vegetarian in between the times that I eat meat. I like to call myself a flexitarian. I like vegetables, but I eat meat once in a while. So many people cannot see the gray area, though. Why can't I be vegetarianish and still eat meat?

I live in that gray area in a lot of things. I know I am a girl, but I was exposed to the testosterone. I may have a different past than most girls, but I can still be a girl...just hold the bacon.