Saturday, November 27, 2004

My book report

I spent the past 4 days in the Midwest visiting family for Thanksgiving. Things went well, and I was able to spend time with both my immediate and extended family. (I even ran into a college friend and his wife, who I recognized just 2 people ahead of me as we boarded the plane today). There were a few slip ups on pronouns and my name, but they all made great attempts to call me Kara and her/she. I even tried to be on my best behavior by not talking politics or anything about transition/surgery stuff unless directly asked.

On the flight home, though, I was finally able to finish off the book “The Man Who Would be Queen” by J. Michael Bailey. Although there were parts of it that were put together quite well and dealt with a lot of the issues for both gay men and transsexuals, he doesn’t really perform any solid research. In fact, he throws gender identity out the window. He basically instills a lot of men do this, homosexual transsexuals do this, autogynephilic transsexuals do this. He also seems big into calling and thinking of gay men as feminine. To me, gay men aren’t necessarily feminine, they are, and they are all different. He throws labels around but doesn’t define his labels. Perhaps he sees them as feminine because they are more confident in who they are, and aren’t afraid of living up to the stereotype of men having to act like men (tough, unemotional, rigid). But he doesn’t cover any of this, which to me seems like common sense.

He also states a lot of the general theories, that gay men have more psychological problems because, well, it’s not easy being gay (it's amazing how much stress the straight community can create), but then he rants into another theory...because their brains are more like women, and women have more psychological problems. Whew. It seems like a lot of passive aggression to me, even though he says he’s pro-gay and pro-T.

Finally, he talks a lot about transsexuals. He seems to place all of us into two general categories...homosexual transsexuals or autogynephilic transsexuals. A lot of people like to do this, categorize us, it seems. Why? Anyway, he says that we’re either a feminine version of gay men, or we’re men who have created an image of attractive women in their own bodies...that it’s actually a sort of paraphilia. The funny thing is that he says he’s just speculating, and even he himself says that it is basically impossible to understand another person without ESP, which he doesn’t believe in. He says that we must look at overt behavior that somehow signals fundamental similarity. The thing is, I don’t think he looks enough at the bigger picture, and even when he does, he just wants to feed and water his own ideas.

When I emailed him earlier this year concerning his book (which I hadn’t even started at that point), I asked him if a lot of the characteristics he mentioned were survival mechanisms. He said they weren’t, without even giving them consideration. He also even notes that he doesn’t know why autogynephilia transsexuals are attracted to being women. So, basically, he just wrote a passive aggressive book that puts forth a lot of his ideas in order for him to gain credibility and popularity (he even admits that some of the general ideas he (and his 10 year old son) came up with had already been popular theories, but his new ones would cause controversy). His ideas though, are based on skimming the surface of something he just doesn’t know enough of.

Let me shed some of my own light with my own theories. There are a variety of reasons people are transgender...ranging from womb issues to developmental issues....nature, nurture, and who knows what else. There could be genetic predispositions, chemical contaminants during development, or developmental issues dealing with other psychological messes. This could affect gender one sees themselves. Secondly, there is sexual preference, or orientation. Although identity and orientation are separate, they do affect one another. Transsexuals tend to find at least three general ways of dealing with their situation. Some seek “shelter” within the gay community, some withdraw from society to a degree, and some try to put up a male facade in order to hide their identity. T’s can be in one or more of those categories. Some can also abuse alcohol or other drugs in a way to escape from reality. The way one seek’s shelter is also affected by their orientation.

Transsexual feelings also vary in their intensity. Some are able to control it, some aren’t, some find a release for it, and some end up killing themselves. Cultural factors can also influence the ability and desires to transition, or just remain as either hetero or gay males.

As far as I am concerned, we’re all different, and to put us into two separate boxes is absurd, ridiculous, and just plain ignorant. People who do decide to transition though need to weigh the consequences of transition and understand what they are doing. Otherwise, people can do whatever they want.


While putting together this webpage/entry, I was looking around J. Michael Bailey's webpage that I linked to above, and ran across statements by some of his staff. It basically said that all gay men like masculine men and all lesbians like femmes. I found this preposterous. And since I happen to be one of those that is opinionated, I sent the student an email (which might have been a little too harsh):

    Hey Gerulf,

    I was reading over your bio on Professor Bailey's site, and you mention that lesbians don't want butches. Wow, how wrong could that be. Take a look at Craigslist and see for yourself. Lesbians like all types of women.

    Perhaps you need to talk to a few more lesbians before making such statements.


His response:

    these findings apply to group averages but not do every single person.

    Gerulf Rieger, Square-Master
    Department of Psychology
    Northwestern University
    2029 Sheridan Rd
    Swift Hall #102
    Evanston, IL 60208

To be honest, I find any scientific approach to behavior that's constructed with absolutes based on "averages" to be basically worthless.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Double Digits

A friend and I had dinner last night, during which we briefly discussed the aspects and logistics of our upcoming SRS’s. Her labiaplasty is slightly after my vaginoplasty, and like my trip in July, we’ll both be hanging out together...except, well, I’m having the main surgery. She noticed hers was less than 100 days away...which meant mine was less than 100 days way as well.

No one would probably expect anyone to discuss some of the physical aspects of SRS using sushi, but we did - both of us laughing over the similarities between a penis and salmon-covered sliced sushi. Wasabi became the testes. I asked her mainly about the position/location where the erectile tissue ended. I think for most male bodies, the erectile tissue runs thru the penis (obviously), then along the underside of the perineum before disappearing into the body. She told me there was still some there, probably to act as an anchor of some sort.

So, yeah, SRS is just around the corner - Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Superbowl, MLK Jr. Day, then Happy Vagina Day. I received the final copy of my second letter last week after having received a draft copy that needed just a slight tweak.

I also visited with my primary therapist last week. One of our two topics was, of course, SRS. I mentioned to her that some of my friends toned down the event simply because going full time was their main event. Other friends (plus stories I have read) indicate that SRS was their main liberating experience. It was that final step - that last memory of a vestige that still made them a man. I told her this was similar to an astronaut dreaming all of his/her life of walking on the moon, or going into space. It was something - that driving ambition - that led them to pursue something few would ever experience. I can’t imagine the emotion and awe that someone like Neil Armstrong went through in the time leading up to his historic journey to the moon. Is it similar to what a lot of TS go thru leading up to SRS? What happened after he walked on the moon? What type of ambitions does one have after walking on the moon?

Anyway, I told her that going full time and having FFS was a huge event for me. I welcomed finally being me. I knew there would be pain and a long recovery time. Although it was a physical change, it was more of a social event. People recognized the change from male to female. SRS, though, is also a huge event. This time, though, it’s more of a physical journey. Few see what I have below the belt, and I, of course, see it any time I’m naked. This one will be for me. It does, however, open up quite a few social doors, as well as closes several more. Anyway, they are both big events for me - yet for very different reasons.

Finally, Dr. Meltzer’s pre-surgical information packet arrived last week. I skimmed over it, but I haven’t read it in detail, yet. I was also finally able to reach the Meltzer crew to schedule labiaplasty for next summer. I’m also down for body contouring around the waist for more of a feminine figure. Now, my big debate is whether to schedule breast augmentation during either surgery. I was really hoping that my natural breasts would reach a size that I felt comfortable with, but unfortunately, they have kinda puttered out slightly shy of an A cup. I haven’t seen any growth in basically six months. If I do choose to have breast augmentation, I’m not likely to get them very big. I’m just thinking a regular B cup, which still gives plenty of room if they decide to grow more down the line. But they also have to be changed out every 10 years...which kinda sucks.

Last week I received an email from Trista, an old high school semi-girlfriend. She’d recently seen my name on one of those high school reunion websites, and emailed me asking about the “Kara” thing. So, I emailed her back, and gave her the scoop.

Like almost everyone I know from my past, she never thought I would do what I’m doing now. She thought I was very shy as a high schooler (which I was) and wasn’t sure I really liked her or not. I also disclosed something I’ve observed from my limited dating history. I was often attracted to women who were relatively smart and athletic. I told her I wasn’t sure if I was physically and psychologically attracted to her, or if I just tried to live vicariously thru her since I thought we’d be very similar if I had been born physically female. It’s probably a combination of the two. She took things quite well, though.

I’ve also noticed that two of the women I have dated had curly brown hair. Coincidence?

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Day of Remembrance

...was yesterday. I spent most of the day volunteering at Genderblast V. I met a lot of the younger crowd, which was mainly either FTM or others who did not appear to be blatantly gender variant. I even ended up chatting with an AP reporter who was doing a story on TS youth. She wondered where all of the younger MTF’s were. Good question. Well, many of the ones I know online are either more worried about living stealth, are too busy with college, or are playing DDR and video games. The others could be sleeping after spending a night working the streets. OK, I’m stereotyping - but, unfortunately, that’s what some of the TS youth are doing - not all by choice, to a degree.

As that started to wrap up, I was off to the SF LGBT Center to work as the site coordinator for the 6th Annual Transgender Day of Remembrance. Susan and I met up, grabbed a light bite to eat, and then received last minute instructions from Gwen before she headed out to the march site. She also dropped off a lot of the setup supplies. Susan got the sound going while I organized most of the rest.

The marchers were actually early, and about half of the 500-600 people filed into the room. Gwen started off with some symbolic words before a few more speakers spoke.

I simply cannot put most of the evening into words, but the most somber part of the event was the reading of the names of people who died in the past year due to anti-transgender violence. There were 21. Several were nameless. One died less than 10 miles from where we stood. One non-T died protecting several transpeople. We can’t bring any of them back, but we can remember them, honor them, and let others know who they were - that they didn’t deserve to be killed simply for being themselves.

By the end of the night, my feet were hurting pretty bad. I did a lot of rushing around being basically the stage manager. I had a good time doing it, especially since it was my first time to do such a job...which leads into another subject.

After Susan and I finished putting everything away, we grabbed a bite to eat at the diner across the street. We talked about the event and how I enjoyed being stage coordinator. We talked about careers. She mentioned that she could see me as a publicist of some sort. I told her that I’d recently taken an abbreviated online vocational aptitude test. The result: Engineer. Yeah, I couldn’t believe it either, but it still popped up my current occupation. I’ll probably look at more in-depth tests, but they cost money.

Dr. Frankenstein, I presume

I usually don’t get up this early on a Sunday morning, but I was off to the city for a date. A date with a guy. He’s a doctor. Today, of course, he’s going to be pulling staples out of my head.

I pulled into Davies’ parking structure around 8:30am and walked into their otherwise empty office. I heard Dr. O and two others in one of the exam rooms - one was having her nose packing removed. After they were finished, he called me back to the examining room where he examined my 9 day old incision.

“You’ve healed up quite well,” he said.

He then proceeded to pull the staples out of my head. They don’t hurt too bad when he slides them out - about half to a quarter of the pain of electro. They bled slightly and he patted the area with some gauze. When he was finished, I ran my fingers along the incision line - noticing two rigid objects still in my head on the left side.

“There’s still two on this side,” I said.

“Let me check. Well, how about that, there sure are.”

He then pulled those two staples out and rechecked the other side, where he noticed two others.

Dr. O then proceeded to tell me the story of one woman from Seattle who pulled out a missed staple on her flight home. I’d heard a similar story or two, which is why I have checked my head both of the times I’ve had the staples removed.

He asked if I had any questions. Sure....I always have questions:

“How long before I can shower after just having the staples removed?”

“Wait about 30 minutes.”

“How long before I can start exercising again?”

“Wait until next weekend.”

“OK, I guess I won’t be able to eat as much on Thanksgiving.”

After that, he said he was headed home to blast some music that the neighbors hated. Too funny.

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Post-hairline advancement

Well, the surgery part went well. I was in and out of the OR in less than an hour. It started hurting before I even made it out of the OR though, and that, coupled with my upset stomach, made yesterday not much fun.

M and I’s surgeries were adjusted back a little with some type of hospital function, so Kathy and I only had to be there by 9am. I changed into the gown, reviewed paperwork with the nurse, and had the IV entry port placed into my arm.

After a while, they wheeled me down to the surgical waiting area that I fell asleep in last time. Mary-Lou, of Cocoon House lore, stopped by to tell me she would be in the OR with me, as well as Pam, who also stopped by. Dr. O also stopped by to check up on everything, said M’s surgery went excellent, and that he would be in his office until things were ready to go.

So, Pam wheeled me down to the OR, a trip I didn’t get to see last time. Yeah, I finally got to see the OR. It smelled very sterile; sterile in more of an anti-septic way than a “fresh” way. I moved from the gurney to the OR table. They hooked up the IV, put my arms in these little pads along the sides of my body, placed a bunch of blankets over me, placed sensors on my chest to monitor my heart, placed these gooey pads on my legs (which they said were to ground me for the cauterizer), and then called Dr. O to tell him things were ready. I felt calm, but yet, I was also nervous a bit, evident by the small amount of shaking in my legs.

The nervousness began to dissipate as the magic juice in the IV ran thru my veins. My legs stopped shaking. With the different sensation, I asked, "Is the magic juice flowing?" I think I heard someone chuckle.

Dr. O looked at my hairline and I again mentioned that the right side was higher up than the left, which made the right side the place to start. He shot me up with the local anesthesia, and after it had taken hold, he began to use the cauterizer to cut thru my skin. I knew this as I heard the popping sound of the electric knife cut and sear my skin at the same time. He’d initially told me that he’d probably get 15mm out of each side, but as he worked on my right side he said, “I’ve got good news, it looks like I can get 17mm on this side. No wait, 18.” Nice!

After he made cuts along the upper and lower portion of the skin he would remove, I kinda felt him peel it away from my head...actually, heard it more than felt it. He sewed the incisions together where there was open skin on one side, then used the staple gun in areas where there was only hair to keep it together.

He then moved on to the left side and I think he said he’d get about 16 or 17mm for it after he’d already sliced and diced. Again, the cutting and popping, along with the peeling away of the skin from my head. He sewed the opening together, then used the staple gun again. Before I was even out of the OR, it started to feel very tight and began to hurt. Dr. O looked over the results and said it was very symmetrical, and that I was a great patient. Awww...thanks.

They then stuck my hair in a plastic bag and washed off the area he’d worked, to get rid of the blood and goo around the surgical site. The surgical area and the rest of my head was then wrapped in gauze and I was shipped back to the room I started in. We met Kathy on the way back, and we all rode up in the elevator together.

The recovery nurse made sure I was well taken care of with apple juice and some graham crackers. I was thirsty since I hadn’t had anything to drink since the night before, even though I peed a ton right after getting back to the room (likely from the IV hydration). I was feeling the pain pretty good, so she gave me a Percocet after I ate a little. Unfortunately, things felt a little off in my stomach. I was able to walk around pretty easily and was still quite conscious, so I was ready to go home. Kathy pulled the car up and the nurse helped me downstairs. We waited in the lobby for a few minutes for her to pull up, and at the same time, saw the Scott Peterson guilty verdict posted all over the TV screen. The results of the trial were far from the thoughts running through my head.

I then guided Kathy out of the hospital area and back home. I’d brought some of my stuff along in a plastic bag, and had that as a back up...just in case. As we pulled near my place, I felt my stomach start to rumble. I cleared everything out of the plastic bag as soon as I could before I let forth the first of four solid pukes. It was all apple juice and graham crackers. I felt a lot better after that, and Kathy didn’t seem all that grossed out, but was happy that I had the bag to throw up into, instead of her car.

I took a Vicodin about 3pm since I figured the Percocet probably came up with the graham crackers...but I took it alone since I worried about puking it up again. I snoozed for a few hours then tried eating again...this time applesauce and water. About 30-45 minutes later, I was puking in the garbage can again. This time it even came out of my nose. Do you know how nice it is to have applesauce dripping out of your nose? Not very.

I tried some hot cocoa a few hours later and was able to keep it down. After that, I went to bed...sleeping about 1-2 hours before waking up each time. I got up around 5am and ate a little Cheerios...which actually stayed down. Yeah!!! I slept a few more hours then ate a little more cereal which seemed pretty easy on my stomach.

The pain is much better than yesterday, but I’m still taking an occasional Vicodin. I just took the head dressing off about 2pm today, and showered to get the rest of the goo out of my hair. I’m very swollen in my forehead...all the way down to the upper portion of my cheeks on the sides of my head to the upper area of my nose at eye level. My right eyelid is turning black. My new hairline isn’t as good as I thought it might be, but it’s also still very swollen. I guess I’ll compare the results when the swelling goes down. As for now, though, I look like a Vulcan...except for the ears.

As for the areas of sensation, it’s very strange that I still have a very small triangle of feeling in the very front that exists between the two incisions. That triangle of sensation ends about 4cm back from my hairline. The areas around the new incisions and up towards the crown of my head, however, are numb like before.

Live long and prosper.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

That’s where they removed the horns

So, tomorrow I’m up for a hairline advancement. I’m becoming a usual visitor to Dr. O’s office, although I’ve only been there once for surgery thus far. Considering the initial consultation, escorting Courtney there, my own review of pictures and down payment, the pre-surgical visit, the day of FFS, the removal of sutures and nose packing, the removal of staples, the 3 week checkup, the 3 month checkup, the 6 month checkup and hairline consultation, and finally tonite’s pre-surgical visit, I guess I’m a veteran to some degree.

So, tonight we reviewed where he would cut and the likelihood that I would again loose sensation on top of my head. He explained some of the medications he will use to relax and numb me, and Mira went over the do’s and don’ts for the next few days.

I also talked to Dr. O a little about the option of using extra skin to plump up the nasolabial fold. He said that there probably wouldn’t be enough skin, and he didn’t think it was a good idea. He mentioned another filler, similar to the one I already had injected, as well as some plastic surgeon colleagues that might be able to do a good job with some of my own body fat. I’ll check with Dr. Meltzer to see if he is good at doing the nasolabial folds since I’ll probably have him perform the body contouring.

I also happened to run into a friend as I walked into Dr. O’s office. M yelled “Kara!” from the waiting room, and after conversing for a few minutes, we found out we had back to back surgeries scheduled for tomorrow. Wild. And we didn’t even know about one another’s schedules. She’s having the trachea shave before my hairline revision.

What was nice is we decided to grab a bite to eat after our pre-surgical visits. She ironically chose Fuzio’s in the Castro, a place I’ve visited often with Dr. O activities. We chatted a little about the paths each of us was taking, mainly, though, about her new path. This is her first surgery, and is basically dipping her toe in the water to check the temperature.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Ten minutes, five for fighting

I don’t write in my journal about everything that’s happening in my life. Some of it shall remain private...for me, and for others. I do try to write about personal experiences, though, and try to keep it as close to the truth as possible. Sometimes sarcasm may intermingle with the words I compose, causing the message to become a little foggy. For that, I’m sorry. It’s just my writing style. Hopefully the message shines through. For those that just see the fog, understand that I do not mean any serious discourse to anyone. I may complain or rant, but a lot of it is just frustration over a lack of support from a system that says one thing but practices another.

Anyway, today, I made travel arrangements for Thanksgiving. Let’s just say that even the airline webpage was giving me trouble. Most people will be happy to see me, but others....well, we’ll see. I’ll just hope for the best.

So, my mind wandered a bit today, slightly stressed about traveling home to see some of the family. After returning to my desk from a meeting, I looked at my phone. “1 message” was in the window. It read:

“Hi. Five For Fighting is going to be playing in just ten minutes. Call me.”

It was from Amber. She’s in Boston visiting a friend the past few days. She also left a voice message: “yo yo yo, Kara, hey, when you get this message give me a call...quick. Umm...I’m over here in a particular Borders and you’ll never guess who is actually right here playing. Five for Fighting..oddly enough...”

I call her back. No answer. I leave a message. A few moments later, my phone again tells me I have a text message. It reads:

“Hey. Sorry, I was talking to John...!”

OMG...I am so jealous. I call her back. In the background, I can hear someone on a microphone talking. Amber finally says, “Hey, I’ll call you back.” She does.

All I hear is a guy talking again. It’s John. I can tell he’s introducing Superman. I’m stoked. He begins to sing. Even though I heard it over a cellphone, I will say it was still very cool. Thanks Ambs!!! You made my day. Hopefully I’ll get the whole story from her sometime.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004


I went into the 2000 election thinking that Gore had a good chance since everyone would see that Dubya was a bonehead and he was just riding the coattails of his father. I was wrong. This year, I kinda knew going in that Dubya would win, I just hoped I was wrong. I wasn’t. After rereading last night’s entry, I guess I’m just a sore loser.

Coworker Mark, though, was able to provide some lighthearted humor today. Yeah, Mark’s not that bad a person. We often chat about a variety of, politics, reality TV, transition, etc. Today, was of course, politics.

It’s nice living in California and working in a technical industry. Most of the people I work with are liberals to some degree, and only a few here and there are Republicans. It’s far different from all of the other places I have ever lived where I was always in the minority.

So, Mark and L were discussing yesterday’s election when I perk up with “Hey, did you see that more women voted for Kerry over Bush?

“All women should vote for Kerry!” Mark exclaims. “If you’re a woman or a minority, you should vote Democratic because Republicans are the ‘white man party’.”

After a little more discussion, Mark tells us that his oldest daughter, who must just be in like 1st grade, had a mock election at school. He said his daughter said she voted for the Democrats, just like her Mommy (and Daddy, although she emphasized the Mommy part a lot more), who won 15-3 in her class. She then turned to her father and asked, “What’s a Republican?”

Mark, in his usual wit, responds with, “Well, you see, Honey, there are some people who (just aren't that smart).”

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

The fat lady is a hummin'

As I write this entry, it looks like George Frickin’ W. Bush is going to be our fearless leader for another 4 years. Great.

It’s not that I have a problem with Republicans, it’s that I have a problem with homophobic freedom-stealing bonehead hypocrites. Republicans...Democrats...most of their policies don’t drastically affect me. Dubya and his fellow religious fanatics, though, preach one thing, but practice another. Sorry, I’m just venting.

So, what do I mean? Well, George likes to talk about the US being in Iraq and Afghanistan to “extend the peace by seeking to extend the benefits of freedom and prosperity across the globe.” Yet, here at home, 11 states decided to take away the freedom of gay couples by not allowing them to share benefits between two loved ones...or to share a relationship with someone they love. Who led this march against freedom??? Was it Hitler? Nope. It was George W. Bush with his constitutional amendment proposal to define marriage as between a man and a woman. Why can’t we have freedom for all...and not just the few that George seems to approve of?

There is a way around least in California. Unfortunately, if this loophole were abused, it would probably mean bad things for people actually trying to transition....even the possibility that they’d strip away legal recognition of our correct gender. There is a DMV form (DL 328) that allows one to change gender. It has both “transitional” and “complete” check boxes. All one needs is a licensed therapist or physician to declare one person in a same sex relationship as transitional and they would now be man and woman...male and female...husband and wife. Could we just say that one of the partners was labeled as the “man” or “woman” in a relationship? Who’s to say that one of the couple doesn’t express as being more masculine or feminine? What is gender...what is gender identity? Basically, it just requires a sympathizing physician or therapist. Of course, that would probably remove the “licensed” part before their job title if they did sympathize with the loophole.

So, anyway, people seem to have this that the conservative party has really been able to manipulate. What are people afraid of? Well, they are afraid of terrorism, homosexuals, and anything else that might destroy their children and prevent them from raising them how they want to raise them. I can see why people are afraid of terrorists...they strike anywhere and they strike with the intent to kill. In our country where we are a mixture of so many races and cultures (something I think is a strength), one can move around with relative ease...well, within the more metropolitan areas, that is. In other countries, though, people sometimes stick out.....perhaps like a black person in Japan, or a white person in the middle of Africa. People are afraid that terrorism can happen here...and they are right to be afraid, especially with ol’ George raking the coals in the Middle East. But, people should not be afraid of homosexuals. Gay people are just like regular people, except they just happen to like others of the same sex. This doesn’t make them immoral, or child molesters, or monsters. Hell, I’d rather leave a child with a gay person over a priest any day of the year. Damn, there I go getting myself in trouble again.

So, here we stand...a nation divided...with one side easily preyed upon by their Iraqnophobia and homophobia, and the other side wondering who voted for this bonehead. I see both sides...and to be honest, I voted for neither Kerry nor Bush. I voted for the Green Party. I voted for them because they are one of only a few parties that actually support LGBT rights. It was my statement to both the Republicans and Democrats that they suck. Honestly, if I would have voted for Kerry, it would not have been a vote of support for him, but merely a vote against Bush. Don’t worry, my vote didn’t matter...simply because in California, there are an overabundant number of Democrats. I wouldn’t have voted for the Green Party had that not been the case.

But, I did vote. Although a mere squeak, I made my voice heard. I doubt anyone heard it over the fat lady singing.

Tell ya what, why don’t we just let the fat lady sit on George for a while and see how he likes it?