Transgender blog and website tips

If one has ever searched for transgender websites, it's not too hard to find them. There are actually a lot. It almost seems like this little ritual of "Hey world, I'm here, I'm me, I'm proud....hear me roar." Perhaps some of us choose to have them to share our experience, find friends who are also going through the same stuff, but also to provide a glimpse of who we are (before going full time). I can say that I've done all of the above.

The problem is some of these websites can come back to haunt people. (I'm lucky...it hasn't happened to me so far, but in fact, has helped since I met my ex sorta via it.) Take for example, Vanessa Edwards Foster's recent editorial about a potential employer simply googling her to find out her transgender work history. Now, she works in advocacy, so having her contact information on their advocacy website is to be expected, but by simply having a transgender related website with your real name on it can come back to haunt you. One just has to be careful to not share too much information...thus, I wrote up my top 10 list of tips (in no particular order) for having a transgender related website:

#1. Don't use your real last name.

This is very important, because should you ever decide to change jobs or just in general, you don't want people to easily google your name and see that you're a transgender person. If you are out and proud, that's fine, but just to be on the safe side, you don't want people discriminating against you just with a simple google search.

#2. Choose a first name that sounds the same as your real name, but is spelled differently.

This one is not required, but it is likely the best option. If you can, it would be good to use a different first name altogether, but the problem with that is when you meet new friends via the site. You're friends then have to deal with learning a new name for you or have to call you a different name in different situations. The best thing would be to spell a name slightly different than your real name. Thus, for me, I probably should have gone with Kera/Kara, but it's too late now. So, people could still call you by your real name, but it could be spelled differently online.

#3. Don't mention places you frequent by name.

When discussing places one visits on a regular basis, use a code word or call it something else...but try not to list the actual place one is visiting. When I go home, or anywhere near it, I usually list it as Oz, and leave it at that.

#4. Don't mention places you will be in the future unless they are public events.

This is just a safety one in general and is very similar to #3. One doesn't need people tracking you down because you're going to the local pub every Thursday night. Now, public events like a Gay Pride or transgender event might be ok, as long as there are supportive people there.

#5. Don't out anyone else. (this includes pictures)

This one isn't necessarily for the individual with the website, but for friends or acquaintances of that person. Outing people is uncool. Unfortunately, I've probably done it in the past, as well. One of the hardest parts about this one is the association factor. A person who passes fairly well might not when placed in the context of a transgender setting. Who knows. So, it's safe practice just to not post pictures of other transgender people unless you have their permission or they are already out-out.

#6. Show respect.

This is more of a general rule for anything. Of course, respect (and its opposite) creates a fine line between disrespect and constructive criticism. I guess what I am trying to say here is don't bash someone who can't defend themselves or isn't in the public eye. Don't trash someone who called you 'sir' during one of your initial trips out in girl-mode, but let us know how you felt about it. Put us in your shoes and let us experience it as well.

#7. Try to stay semi-focused.

I'm not saying that an unfocused blog isn't entertaining, but sometimes maintaining a little focus can keep people coming back for more. If one starts rambling about how Star Wars is so much better than Star Trek, or vice versa, or how Battlestar Galactica's season cliffhanger left us going 'huh?', it's a deviation from the norm. Perhaps the best way to deal with items that aren't transgender in nature is to relate them to the transgender topic. For instance, in Star Trek, the human element is taken more into context of the future being a fairly tolerant world, but Star Wars never really delves into the issues. Instead, they show a world in which many different races and beings are fighting for their freedom.

#8. Don't whine all of the time.

It's ok to whine once in a while, but don't make it a habit. People like to hear about the good and the bad, not just the bad stuff all of the time. If you want to write about having no money to do stuff, tell us about how you and your friends sought out more economic ways to entertain yourself...or how you are planning to finance your transition when working a minimal wage job.

#9. If you're gonna mention something crazy, at least mention what you learned from the experience.

I think some of the more memorable 'crazy' events I can remember reading about involved either Kate or a girl on a forum. Kate described situations that are likely something that has crossed most of our minds at some point or another. She was dealing with 'making out' options while still pre-op. The other person was a little more risky and got herself into a situation which I'm surprised she survived. Kate seemed to learn something from her experience...the latter didn't seem to.

#10. Be honest.

Nothing hurts the transgender world, and possibly the rest of the world reading a transgender related site, more than misinformation or lies. From the false or misleading promises and pictures on Transformation, to DIY electrolysis kits, to fake personal websites like boy2woman.com or Lori MacNeil's Yahoo 360 page, these sites can provide false hopes for people going through transition. The truth of the matter is, most of us will still have some telltale sign that will give us away upon close examination. Most people aren't looking for it since they don't typically even know we exist, but some people can and do catch on. The problem is when a transitioner is misled into believing that they will pass flawlessly once they have transitioned. It is true that a lot of transitioners do fairly well once transitioned, but it does take a lot of effort, and in some cases, a lot of money.

While I appreciate those that do put their real name out there, or are simply too famous to not have their real name on the internet, they are very courageous individuals and deserve the best. Unfortunately, we still live in a world where people discriminate based on ones sexual orientation or gender identity/expression.