After the workshop, I visited Kate at Cocoon. She’d escaped from the hospital earlier that morning and was now resting in her upright position. A very pretty girl answered the door for Kate, but disappeared into the back room once I was in.
Kate was very swollen. Duh, huh? She was only 2 days post-op and had the usual chin bandage, nose cast, and nose-base bandage. Despite the surgery, Kate was still surprisingly quite talkative.
I showed her how to make a smoothie, which for something that I actually made, tasted really well...probably courtesy of the excellent food items that Tricia and Mary-Lou stock the frig with. I also showed Kate where the bandages and tape were for changing the nose dressing. Otherwise, it was just a nice afternoon hanging out in the Cocoon House.
Saturday, October 09, 2004
Affirmation
Awhile back, a few of us from TGSF were invited to attend a workshop being presented by Affirmation: Gay and Lesbian Mormons who were holding an international conference in San Francisco. They asked if we would talk a little about our transitions as well as have a question and answer session after that.
So, after Roxy, Dawnne, Alli, Tyler, and I had breakfast at a diner near the Castro, we spent a little time chatting with a few interested souls. We’re all a bit different ranging from Roxy who’s in her mid-50’s and transitioned at work, but doesn’t plan on SRS; to Alli who is a few years younger than me, but like many T’s, doesn’t quite have the financial resources for SRS; to Dawnne, also in her 50’s, who used to be one of the most homophobic right-wing religious Texans in the south, but who has now embraced who she is; to Tyler, our only FTM attendee who likes where he exists within the gay male community. Oh, and me, too.
They had some interesting questions including how we came to self acceptance and what our sexual orientations were...and everything in between...although it was hard to answer questions relatively fast with 5 panelists and a variety of backgrounds.
So, after Roxy, Dawnne, Alli, Tyler, and I had breakfast at a diner near the Castro, we spent a little time chatting with a few interested souls. We’re all a bit different ranging from Roxy who’s in her mid-50’s and transitioned at work, but doesn’t plan on SRS; to Alli who is a few years younger than me, but like many T’s, doesn’t quite have the financial resources for SRS; to Dawnne, also in her 50’s, who used to be one of the most homophobic right-wing religious Texans in the south, but who has now embraced who she is; to Tyler, our only FTM attendee who likes where he exists within the gay male community. Oh, and me, too.
They had some interesting questions including how we came to self acceptance and what our sexual orientations were...and everything in between...although it was hard to answer questions relatively fast with 5 panelists and a variety of backgrounds.
Thursday, October 07, 2004
Beneath the Planet of the Kate's
I stopped by the hospital tonight to check in on Kate. She was garnished with the usual bandages when I arrived at her room, but surprisingly, she was quite conscious.
She was in the same room that I was in; the same room that Claire stayed in. When I dipped into the bathroom to get out of the way of the nurses, I spotted myself in the mirror...the same mirror I looked at myself post FFS for the first time. I hadn’t looked in this mirror since then. It was eerie revisiting a path I took what seems like ages ago - yet, just 8 months have passed.
To be honest, when Spock, Captain Kirk, and Bones debated if “life is but a dream” throughout the quite horrible Star Trek 5, I always kinda thought it was sort of a stupid conversation. But the more I live my life, I’ve come to realize that life is more a dream than anything else. We only exist in the present which comes and goes, leaving only our memories as a record of the past. The past tends to fade, and soon, it becomes simply a dream.
FFS almost seems like a dream now. It’s sorta weird seeing old pictures of me, simply because I have become used to seeing me now...and not as someone that I wasn’t. The memories of what I went through - of staying in the room that Kate now resides in, of seeing my new, yet very swollen, face for the first time - seem distant. And one day, this entry will be but another dream. And then, one day, my whole life...just a dream. And then someone else will dream until all of the dreams are dreamt. Row, row, row your boat......
She was in the same room that I was in; the same room that Claire stayed in. When I dipped into the bathroom to get out of the way of the nurses, I spotted myself in the mirror...the same mirror I looked at myself post FFS for the first time. I hadn’t looked in this mirror since then. It was eerie revisiting a path I took what seems like ages ago - yet, just 8 months have passed.
To be honest, when Spock, Captain Kirk, and Bones debated if “life is but a dream” throughout the quite horrible Star Trek 5, I always kinda thought it was sort of a stupid conversation. But the more I live my life, I’ve come to realize that life is more a dream than anything else. We only exist in the present which comes and goes, leaving only our memories as a record of the past. The past tends to fade, and soon, it becomes simply a dream.
FFS almost seems like a dream now. It’s sorta weird seeing old pictures of me, simply because I have become used to seeing me now...and not as someone that I wasn’t. The memories of what I went through - of staying in the room that Kate now resides in, of seeing my new, yet very swollen, face for the first time - seem distant. And one day, this entry will be but another dream. And then, one day, my whole life...just a dream. And then someone else will dream until all of the dreams are dreamt. Row, row, row your boat......
Wednesday, October 06, 2004
Planet of the Kate's
Another Kate is in town...this one from the UK. I swear, it’s an invasion...not only from the UK, but one from the Planet of the Kate's. Run for your lives.
We chatted over a little pasta, with a chocolate souffle a la mode for dessert. Although all of our stories are different, they are, in a way, very similar. After watching Nip/Tuck the other night, they mentioned that the TS community is leery of outsiders poking around into the personal life of other TS, but yet, one TS and another TS can almost create a bond as soon as they first meet. It’s a different type of bond, separate from friendship or love, that’s almost indescribable. We’ve shared a view, a vision perhaps, of life that many people will never see.
We chatted over a little pasta, with a chocolate souffle a la mode for dessert. Although all of our stories are different, they are, in a way, very similar. After watching Nip/Tuck the other night, they mentioned that the TS community is leery of outsiders poking around into the personal life of other TS, but yet, one TS and another TS can almost create a bond as soon as they first meet. It’s a different type of bond, separate from friendship or love, that’s almost indescribable. We’ve shared a view, a vision perhaps, of life that many people will never see.
Tuesday, October 05, 2004
Flawless
Tonight’s episode of Nip/Tuck had yet another sensational fictitious story of a TS. And, of course, she was super hot with the only way anyone knowing she was TS was if they had a really long large penis. Ahhh...you gotta love Hollywood. OK, yeah, I know a few hot T's that you’d probably never guess were once men, but these girls still have very small things that give them away to the trained eye. The two TS characters in the episode that had speaking roles (that were obviously played by genetic women), though, were flawless.
What wasn’t flawless, however, was some of the research for the episode. Although they did well with pronouns, threw around a few transgender words properly, and talked about some of the issues, they messed up with some of the basic stuff that T's would know.
For instance, the TS character was taking Spironolactone but was also 17 years post-op. Normally, once one is post-op, spiro is no longer needed...especially 17 years after SRS. In fact, sometimes testosterone in very small dosages is administered simply to increase libido.
They also had an FTM character who was describing his trip to the open-trough urinal and peeing with the rest of the guys, having had a newly constructed penis, of course, yet he had no physical sign along either forearm - the typical donation area for penile tissue.
One day, though, we can hope to have just a plain-ol’-boring normal-looking TS character on some TV show...but then again, would we even watch it if he/she were that boring?
What wasn’t flawless, however, was some of the research for the episode. Although they did well with pronouns, threw around a few transgender words properly, and talked about some of the issues, they messed up with some of the basic stuff that T's would know.
For instance, the TS character was taking Spironolactone but was also 17 years post-op. Normally, once one is post-op, spiro is no longer needed...especially 17 years after SRS. In fact, sometimes testosterone in very small dosages is administered simply to increase libido.
They also had an FTM character who was describing his trip to the open-trough urinal and peeing with the rest of the guys, having had a newly constructed penis, of course, yet he had no physical sign along either forearm - the typical donation area for penile tissue.
One day, though, we can hope to have just a plain-ol’-boring normal-looking TS character on some TV show...but then again, would we even watch it if he/she were that boring?
Saturday, October 02, 2004
Co-worker Mark
Ahhh...yes, Mark is still around. He, and a few others, have started loosening up around me instead of being so rigid all of the time. As JoanB told me recently, “They start to forget.” She’s right. I’ve felt it lately as people start to joke with me and have warmer conversations.
Anyway, I have been totally swamped at work lately. I’m fixing a lot of problems, and they continue to come in, it seems. Problems left, problems right, problems all around - problems which I get to solve. Fun.
So, I’m working later than normal this past Tuesday - so is coworker Mark. He walks by my cube and we chat for a few minutes about why each of us is there so late. He then mentions that he is still screwing up the pronouns but that he is trying to get them right. We chatted for a little longer, and then he asks me when the BIG surgery is. I cut him off as he stumbles for the right words to describe his inquiry, and tell him that it’s scheduled for early next year. He asks if it is a long surgery and I say that it’s typically only 4 hours or so. Then I ask him if he wants to see pictures.
“NO HO HO!” he says, and cringes as he shuffles off. I, though, sat there chuckling for a few minutes.
Anyway, I have been totally swamped at work lately. I’m fixing a lot of problems, and they continue to come in, it seems. Problems left, problems right, problems all around - problems which I get to solve. Fun.
So, I’m working later than normal this past Tuesday - so is coworker Mark. He walks by my cube and we chat for a few minutes about why each of us is there so late. He then mentions that he is still screwing up the pronouns but that he is trying to get them right. We chatted for a little longer, and then he asks me when the BIG surgery is. I cut him off as he stumbles for the right words to describe his inquiry, and tell him that it’s scheduled for early next year. He asks if it is a long surgery and I say that it’s typically only 4 hours or so. Then I ask him if he wants to see pictures.
“NO HO HO!” he says, and cringes as he shuffles off. I, though, sat there chuckling for a few minutes.
I was driving along the freeway into the city today when I spot an Eclipse, a car similar to my own, coming up along my left side going pretty fast in the fast lane. As the car zooms past me I notice that it’s velocity slows until it’s not longer going faster than me, and slowly drifts back to my position before matching my speed for a few seconds. Through the corner of my eye, I can tell the passenger is looking at me, so I look over just briefly to see him wave at me. As they slightly increase their speed to get in front of me so I have to look at them, I see the guy looking back at me with one of those innocent friendly smiles. They then move over into my lane and as they drive off I see the passenger wave at me through the sun roof. Ahhhh...thanks guys, you made me smile.
So, I was headed to the city for a meeting with SF TEAM, a group I initially started with several years ago...although we were called something else then. I haven’t participated lately with my surgery and everything else that has kept me fairly busy. I figured it was time to get active again.
As I sat waiting for the rest of the people to show up, it was just myself and another in the room. Feeling the silence to be way too awkward, I finally strike up a conversation. I recognize her, but don’t fully remember which of the two people she is. Unfortunately, I guessed wrong, but recovered quite nicely by asking some questions on how things are going for her. Her name is Theresa Sparks - San Francisco police commissioner, 2003 California Woman of the Year, and Civil Rights lobbyist who just happens to be a transsexual.
It also happened that a friend named Mikayla, who has previously been on a Discovery Channel program, had been contacted to do a follow up program on where she was now. She has recently started working with the SF TEAM group, and the Discovery Channel people wanted to film some of our interaction. She’d also put out an invite to some of us about having a round table discussion last night, but I told her I had electro and figured I should probably address that instead of worrying if I am on TV or not. Plus, they already had an excellent representation including Gwen Smith and a few others.
Once we changed rooms and settled into the relative seating, the cameraman decides that the best shot for about 30 seconds is less than a foot from my head. Hmmm..he must be a Dr. O fan. Seriously, though, he was parked on my interaction with Mikayla for, although short, too much time at an uncomfortable distance. I didn’t think they would start filming so fast as we all filed into the room. And as soon as I sat down, he was right there. Anyway, Mikayla mentioned that they did some similar stuff on her previous taping session, but it was all cut for the hour long presentation. Most likely, I see them doing the same with our meeting.
After the meeting, I went upstairs in the LGBT Center to say hi to Molly, one of the people heading out on the Marriage Equality caravan. They’re traveling from San Francisco to DC, making stops along the way to talk about marriage equality. Along for the ride are several couples who were married in San Francisco who had their marriages voided when California’s Supreme Court nixed all of the ones that were performed earlier this year. Wish them well, and if anyone is near their route, they might try to catch them...or visit their website to read the blogs.
So, I was headed to the city for a meeting with SF TEAM, a group I initially started with several years ago...although we were called something else then. I haven’t participated lately with my surgery and everything else that has kept me fairly busy. I figured it was time to get active again.
As I sat waiting for the rest of the people to show up, it was just myself and another in the room. Feeling the silence to be way too awkward, I finally strike up a conversation. I recognize her, but don’t fully remember which of the two people she is. Unfortunately, I guessed wrong, but recovered quite nicely by asking some questions on how things are going for her. Her name is Theresa Sparks - San Francisco police commissioner, 2003 California Woman of the Year, and Civil Rights lobbyist who just happens to be a transsexual.
It also happened that a friend named Mikayla, who has previously been on a Discovery Channel program, had been contacted to do a follow up program on where she was now. She has recently started working with the SF TEAM group, and the Discovery Channel people wanted to film some of our interaction. She’d also put out an invite to some of us about having a round table discussion last night, but I told her I had electro and figured I should probably address that instead of worrying if I am on TV or not. Plus, they already had an excellent representation including Gwen Smith and a few others.
Once we changed rooms and settled into the relative seating, the cameraman decides that the best shot for about 30 seconds is less than a foot from my head. Hmmm..he must be a Dr. O fan. Seriously, though, he was parked on my interaction with Mikayla for, although short, too much time at an uncomfortable distance. I didn’t think they would start filming so fast as we all filed into the room. And as soon as I sat down, he was right there. Anyway, Mikayla mentioned that they did some similar stuff on her previous taping session, but it was all cut for the hour long presentation. Most likely, I see them doing the same with our meeting.
After the meeting, I went upstairs in the LGBT Center to say hi to Molly, one of the people heading out on the Marriage Equality caravan. They’re traveling from San Francisco to DC, making stops along the way to talk about marriage equality. Along for the ride are several couples who were married in San Francisco who had their marriages voided when California’s Supreme Court nixed all of the ones that were performed earlier this year. Wish them well, and if anyone is near their route, they might try to catch them...or visit their website to read the blogs.
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