Post-Op Day 1

The PCA button enabled me to sleep about an hour at a time from about 9pm until around 5 or 6 this morning.  It's all kinda hazy.  I feel refreshed, but it wasn't like I slept a continual 8 hours.

Today, I'm on bed rest.  Remembering my first time at Greenbaum, I had booty blisters after less than 2 days.  I think it was due to the absorbent pad they put under you in combination with the coarse fabric of the hospital's disposable underwear.  My body would get hot in those areas and start to sweat, and with constant pressure on the skin, blisters would form.  I guess I just have sensitive skin.

I made sure to push the absorbent pad to the side with the catheter connection and hopped into the nicer disposable underwear in Dr. Meltzer's goody bag.

For breakfast, I ate a bunch of fruit, but I wasn't that hungry.  For lunch, I had a salad.  When I was here with Amber when she had her SRS in 2004, she started back on fruits and salads.  I think it's a good way to get the system going again, plus they also give me stool softener.  I was almost going to ask for prune juice today, but I realized that I didn't want to have to shit in my bed, so I'll hold off.

Dr. Meltzer came in to check on me and said that the surgery went well.  He was able to open up the hole and removed a cyst about 5cm size which I think he said unfolded into the skin that was originally up there.  He said he removed as much skin from beyond the hole, except for a patch that was attached to my bladder.  He said he hit that patch with the cauterizer instead of risking cutting my bladder.  After that, he used the skin graft to reline the reopened portion of my vagina.

I asked him what happened to cause this...did I not dilate deep enough or what...because I dilated like crazy the first 6 months and on schedule for the first 5 years.  He figured that it took years for the vaginal skin to take hold and that it probably gradually closed up.  While he has performed vaginal deepening on numerous people who had their original SRS in Thailand, he said he has had to perform very few vaginal deepening procedures on his own patients.  He said I was around the 4th.  Out of several thousand, that's pretty good.  I just happened to be one of the unlucky ones.

Remembering back to that early gynecologist visit where she dug out the excess surgilube, probably from the same cavity, I wonder if I just jumped up too early in dilator sizes and didn't get the dilator past that little constricted area.  Years later, I bet this is also what caused the half day of funky discharge from my vagina after dilating.  Eventually, I bet it closed off until the cyst started producing discharge that I noticed. 

Dr. Meltzer was off to San Francisco to perform surgeries for Kaiser on Thursday and Friday.  He said Meg would be in to check on me while he was away.

My wife is not an early riser, so she made it in around midday.  Around that same time, they took me off the PCA pump.  No more deliciousness.  Fortunately, they put me on oral pain pills, which I guess are better for the body.

Otherwise, today was kinda boring.  I haven't done much.  We watched a movie on the hospital TV system and that's been about it.  My wife got me a local paper to read and some chocolate covered oreos from Godiva.  They are the manifestation of decadence, and quite delicious, but not quite as delicious as the pain pump.

Well, I'm about to shut down again.  It's late and I need to get some rest.  I figure tonight will be more difficult than last night since the PCA is not there to keep me asleep.

Back in Greenbaum, about to sign off for the night.

Day 0 - Surgery Day

I woke up at 4:30am this morning, took my shower, and then packed everything up.  I was ready to leave a little after 5am in order to be at the surgery center at 5:30am.  My wife, who on a normal work day can wake up and leave in under 20 minutes, was having a hard time getting out of bed and into motion.  Let's just say that we got to Greenbaum before 6am.  Seriously, it doesn't take 2 hours to prep for surgery, but I'm sure they want us there early to go over all of it and not have to rush with everyone.

This was my third time at Greenbaum.  I checked in, paid the copay, filled out the paperwork, and then headed back.  We did the normal vital check, and then I took off my clothes and put on the hospital gown.

The nurse prepping me, though, asked, "I just want to be sure...you don't have a uterus, right?"

I smiled.

"No, I don't have a uterus."

After that, I was on the gurney where she inserted the IV port and completed the prep.  Numerous people came by including the transport nurse, a surgical nurse, and, of course, my anesthesiologist.

I just realized that everyone that has performed surgery on me has always been older than me.  At 45, I'm not a spring pup anymore, but it's interesting that my surgeons have all been older then me.  Realizing that I was well past 40 now, and the recovery time from surgery takes a lot longer than my 30's, I had actually spent the past year trying to get in really good shape.  I usually don't get out of shape, but I had a bout of plantar fasciitis hit me about a year and a half ago that stopped my running for several months.  Once I was able to run again, I pushed myself for more miles each month.  Hopefully getting my metabolism in good shape should help with recovery and the ability to ambulate.

My wife came into the OR prep area after a while.  She had already coordinated the delivery of my suitcase upstairs to the recovery floor.  I wanted to do it before surgery because I didn't want her lifting the big bag down from the vehicle while she is pregnant.

Dr. Meltzer stopped by one last time before surgery.  He had ridden in on his bicycle.  Soon, they were ready to take me into the OR.  I said good-bye to my wife and the anesthesiologist hit me with some calming juice.  I actually never felt anything as we drove through the lower hallways of Greenbaum.  Once in the OR, they had me hop over to the surgery table, and the anesthesiologist hit me with something stronger because I don't remember anything until waking up in the recovery area.

Waking up in the recovery area is a very unique experience.  I realized where I was almost immediately, but since I wear strong glasses, I couldn't make out anything in particular.  I tried keeping my eyes open and staying awake, but gravity and sleepiness kept pulling me back down.  Eventually, I was alert and awake enough that they moved me upstairs.  I want to say I made it up here by 2pm.  I had probably been in the recovery area for 2 hours, so it looks like Dr. Meltzer only took about 4 hours, quite a bit less than the 6 hours he said he would usually book.

My wife caught up with me in my room where she was able to put my glasses on me.  Surprisingly, I had stall 14 in the pre-op area and room 14 upstairs. 

The nice thing is that I was hooked up to a PCA pump which delivered a small amount of pain meds on a continual basis, and more pain meds when I pressed the button.  Delicious!  I'm not in that much pain with the low level dose, but when I press the button, it usually knocks me out.

I was actually alert enough to eat dinner tonight, but now I realize that I shouldn't have told them that I was lactose intolerant.  They have shut me down from ordering anything with dairy in it.  The thing is, I have my Lactaid pills with me which enable me to eat dairy without any consequences, but I guess they don't want to risk it.

Anyway, I am shutting down and pressing the button for some delicious sleep.

Pre-Op Visit

I had my pre-op appointment with Dr. Meltzer this morning.  I first met with Michelle, one of Dr. Meltzer's staff, to go over the bag of goodies. 

The bag included a mirror, airline neck cushion (for sitting on), white robe, feminine pads, bacitracin, douche kit, colace, arnica, 3x disposable underwear, and the dreaded prep bottle.

After we went over the bag, she started to talk about the time of the surgery.  Originally, I was scheduled for April 20th, then moved up to April 12 for some reason.  For the past few months, I was scheduled for the 7:30am surgery and had to be at Greenbaum by 5:30am.  Early!  Within the past week, I had been pushed to the 1:30pm surgery with a report time of 11:30.  Honestly, I wanted the early surgery because then I wouldn't have to sit around even longer without anything in my stomach.

When we were in Dr. Meltzer's reception area, though, we heard one patient telling Dr. Meltzer's staff that she was having concerns about her early surgery time.  We hoped she was currently before us, because I wanted the early spot.

Sure enough, Michelle says we've been moved back up to the 7:30am spot.  I told her that the early time was good and we'd heard the other patient had concerns.

After that, Dr. Meltzer came in, took a look at my vagina again, probed the hole a little, and then drew lines on my stomach where he would be taking the skin graft.  We chatted a little about the surgery and he described very basically what he would be doing which would hopefully resolve this constant discharge issue.

I was supposed to be on clear liquids the day before surgery, but they also said I could have one bottle of Ensure for each meal.  They said no dairy, but when I looked at the ingredients for Ensure, it says it has milk in it.  I love my morning English Breakfast tea latte, and since Starbucks is right next to Dr. Meltzer's office, I figured a little bit of dairy that morning wouldn't hurt since they were allowing Ensure throughout the day.  I told myself that I wouldn't have any more dairy or Ensure the rest of the day.  I also got a tall instead of a grande.

With midday rapidly approaching and the 5:30pm start time for the bowel prep, there wasn't much time to do anything major like drive to the Grand Canyon and look around.  Instead, we decided to chill, catch a movie, and then walk around before my wife ate dinner.

Finally, the time came to start the bowel prep.  I had already been drinking my fluids throughout the afternoon, so I downed the bowel prep right on time and then continued to drink fluids as listed in the notes.  Just like before, I started having bowel movements within an hour after drinking the prep solution.  By the time I was ready to insert the suppository at 9pm tonight, it felt like I was starting to wind down.  I inserted it, anyway, and waited for the last stuff to come out.  I was getting tired and my wife was ready for bed, so I did my last dump and now I'm heading to bed.  I'm setting the alarm for 4:30am.

ADDENDUM:
Rather than write about what happened between bedtime and surgery in another post, I figured I would add on here.

I woke up around 12:30am that night with a horrible stomach ache.  It was really bad.  I went to the toilet and basically sat there hoping the feeling would go away.  After about 5 minutes but what seemed like forever, a ton of fluids gushed from my bowels.  I felt better, but not great.  I wiped, then stood up, but I still felt bad.  I started to see stars, which seems like the prelude to passing out.  I made it back to the toilet and sat there again for what seemed like forever.  Finally, more fluids gushed from my bowels and I finally felt decent enough to go back to bed.

I woke up again around 2:30am to have more fluids gush from my bowels, but it was 100 times less extreme than the 12:30am adventure.  Still, that 12:30am episode was one of the worst feelings I have had my entire life.

Back in Scottsdale

I honestly thought I would never be back in Scottsdale, Arizona to see Dr. Meltzer.  That's what I was thinking last year when I flew in for a consult and this year when I came in for surgery.

So, let me back up a little and start at the beginning...or at least some semblance of the beginning.  I had vaginoplasty (SRS) with Dr. Meltzer on February 22, 2005, and labiaplasty with Dr. Meltzer on July 6, 2005.  (I still haven't finished moving all of my old SRS blog entries over to blogspot, yet, but I need to.)

I started out with just over 5 inches (12.5cm) of depth and dilated like crazy the first six months (I think I only missed a handful of scheduled dilations).  This included hundreds of dilations, sometimes even four times a day.

I remember after my labiaplasty that I had a yeast infection and that it felt like I had lost some depth.  It felt like I was down to about 4" of depth.  I also remember going to a trans OB/GYN months after my labiaplasty for a checkup.  She said that I had a bunch of surgilube up in my vagina and proceeded to scoop it all out.

For the next nine years, every time I dilated, I also seemed to get a smelly discharge for about half a day to a full day.  In the summer of 2012, I pretty much stopped dilating altogether as I noticed I wasn't loosing any of my 3.5" of depth and I wasn't having penetrative sex...and when I had, it just didn't feel good.

I met my current partner in the spring of 2013.  We enjoyed doing a lot of things together, like hiking, playing sports, and riding bikes.  During the California drought of 2013-2015, the winter months had very little rain and the mountain biking trails remained open almost year round.  After one of those rides in early 2014, I noticed vaginal discharge...very similar to what I had seen (and smelled) in the half day following a typical dilation.

This discharge continued daily in small amounts.  After a few months, I called Dr. Melzter's office.  They said to douche.  They sent me a new douche kit and I douched.  The discharge continued.  They said to really get in there and use some force with the water.  I did, and on one douche, it hurt.  I put my finger up my vagina and felt where the pain had come from.  It was a hole.  Fuck!

Of course, I contacted Dr. Meltzer's office again and they said I should get it checked by one of my Kaiser gynecologists.  I did.  They didn't see anything.  They sent me to a trans-specialist gynecologist in Oakland.  They didn't really see anything, either, but upon probing for a bacterial infection, I noticed that she found the "hole".  Her swab came out bloody.

I contacted Dr. Meltzer's office again.  They suggested that I probably had some granular tissue and to have my gynecologist hit it with some silver nitrate.  They did, and it stung.  We did that for 3 sessions, with a couple weeks between sessions.  Nothing changed.

On my 4th visit, I asked her if she saw a hole or something...whatever she was putting the silver nitrate on.  I asked her if she could gently probe that area with a cotton swab.  She did.  She said it went in about 4cm.  She semi-freaked out in the office and called some trans-specialists in San Francisco.  They set up an appointment to see me.

So, I went to San Francisco to talk to them.  They didn't really check me out, but they said that Kaiser was partnered with Dr. Meltzer and they would send me for a consult.  In the meantime, they had me get a CT scan of my pelvic region.  The doctor who analyzed the scan said there was probably a cyst above the vaginal cavity.  Great.

All of that took about a year from first noticing the discharge in January 2012, to calling Dr. Meltzer in May/June 2012, to probing the hole in December 2012.

So, I had an appointment with Dr. Meltzer scheduled for February 2nd, 2015 in Scottsdale, Arizona.  I flew in that morning.  For those that don't follow football, Superbowl 49 was played in Phoenix on February 1, 2015, so I arrived in Phoenix the morning after the Superbowl.  Had the Packers not had their catastrophic collapse against the Seattle Seahawks in the NFC title game two weeks prior, I probably would have been there to see the Packers play AND see Dr. Meltzer, but, alas, I was only there for the evaluation.  My partner went, too.

When we flew in, I realized that I was 20 days shy of 10 years since my initial SRS.  We drove over to his office for the late morning appointment with me hoping that he could simply just close the hole and I could go home.

After he looked things over, the best way that I can describe what he said is that a portion of the initial cavity at the top had sorta closed in on itself and that there was a cyst up there producing the discharge.  He said he would need to open up the area, remove the cyst or whatever was causing the discharge, and then reline the vaginal cavity with a skin graft.  It wasn't a simple "close the hole" type of activity since the tissue up inside the hole would continue to produce the discharge.  I agreed to the procedure, especially since Kaiser would cover it, and met with his scheduler to set something up.  Remember, this is February 2, 2015 when I am there.

When the scheduler said "April,", I thought, that's not too bad...I'll have to wait 2 months to get this fixed.  When she said "April 2016", my mind said, "Fuck! I gotta wait another year to get this thing fixed?"  I booked it, because, really, I had no other options.  I'd already been dealing with the discharge for 13 months...and I'd have to wait another 14 more months, so basically, I was halfway.

While I knew that Dr. Meltzer was right, I wanted a second opinion, anyway, and with Dr. Marci Bowers in the Bay Area, I made an appointment with her.  That appointment also had a several month lead time associated with it.

Let me say that I went to Dr. Bowers with an open mind and without prejudice over any SRS surgeon.  I think they all do great work for the trans-community at large.

I showed up early for the appointment and sat in the waiting area.  She appeared to have two office personnel, with one of them wanting to take off early for some type of event.  I could hear Dr. Bowers having some sort of conversation with someone, via a translator, in Japan, I believe.  The conversation went on for quite a while, well beyond our scheduled time period.  I was finally called and put in a super tiny exam room.  It appeared that they were renovating the building that Dr. Bowers worked out of.

After a long wait, Dr. Bowers took a look and saw the small hole in my vagina.  Instead of asking for permission to do anything and then tell me what she was going to do, she basically started trimming out granular tissue.  I looked down at what she was doing and saw her discarding bloody skin in the waste.  She said, "Don't look at that!"

After she was done, she said the discharge would be better or non-existent, but that I would still have that hole.

She was wrong.  The discharge continued and was nearly the same as before.  (I'm going to include pictures of the discharge at the very bottom of this post.)

This reinforced what Meltzer was saying.  Perhaps a second "opinion" isn't always best.

So, I waited the extra 14 months from the consult in February 2015.  In that time, I had almost constant discharge.  It was usually the worst in the hours before a bowel movement.

Meltzer also had me increase my dilation schedule and had me douching on a more regular basis.  I had dilated with the #2 for many years, but I slowly worked back up to the #4 the past month.  I still only have about 3.5" of depth.  I can feel the hole at the top of my vaginal cavity.  When I probe it with my fingers, it will often start to bleed.

The initial discharge was a yellowish-greenish mess.  Sometimes it had more of a brownish color.  After I opened up the hole during douching, the discharge increased, probably because it could leave the hole easier.  Any time the hole was probed, I would bleed a little for at least a day.  After Dr. Bowers cut out some of the granulation tissue, I would basically have discharge all of the time.  Sometimes, after dilating or bowel movement exertions, the discharge would be bloody.  Other times, it would just be the greenish-yellow discharge...or a combo of the two.  (see below)

I tried using pads initially, but the pads would get wet from the constant discharge and aggravate my skin, so I switched to putting tissues there and changing them out when I could.  This seemed to save my skin from being aggravated.  I did this for two years.  In the hour before a bowel movement, sometimes I would also notice a very bad smell emanate from my vagina.  It had the same similar smell as the discharge.  Doing that for two years wore on me.  I had to be careful that "accidents" didn't happen.

When one of the old GenderPeace group made it to San Francisco a few weeks ago, we decided to have a little reunion and catch up with what everyone was doing.  Rachel has been all around the US with her partner, but was finally back in the area to visit.  Amber got married a few years ago and is doing well in her techie job.  Claire made it up from SoCal.  She's been working with a few startups.  Anne moved on to another company a few years ago and has been doing really well, too.  I see some of them once in a while; others more often.  I told them about my situation and what I was going to have done, and we all reminisced about our prior journeys some 10-12 years ago.  They were quite understanding.  They always have been.

But, just thinking back since this discharge stuff started, so many other things have happened in my life.  I got promoted to manager at work, proposed to my girlfriend (she said yes), moved in together (with her dog), bought a house together, remodeled a house together, got braces, ran a ton of miles, played a bunch of softball games, got my braces off, planned a wedding, got married, bought a new car, had to put our dog down, and, finally, after a lot of effort, my wife is pregnant.

But here I am, sitting in a hotel room in Scottsdale, waiting to see the wizard again and somehow hope to find another pair of ruby slippers that still fit.

Typical greenish-yellow discharge.

Bloody discharge.

Combo blood and blah.

  

Dance Like a Man

I've been catching up on my summer TV shows lately, and I wish I had stayed more up to date with So You Think You Can Dance.

When I was watching their "Vegas" week, I noticed one of the male dancers, named Moises Parra, that danced with great skill but had a definite feminine aura about him.

In these "weed-out" rounds, they had 4 - 6 dancers in a group all doing the same routine, and then critique, praise, or boot them.  As I watched the group that Moises was in, he was kicking their asses.  When the group finished, I was then surprised to hear Paula Abdul (who had actually been a joy to see...up until then) tell Moises that he had to "dance like a man."

W.  T.  F?

It was really hard to believe such harsh criticism and heteronormative bullshit was coming from one within the dance community, a place where the LGBT community is very prominent.  They criticized him so much that they made him "dance for his life" even though he had already proven that he was the best in his group.  Luckily, he again kicked ass during his performance and the judges had no way of booting him.

The Top 20 (Top 10 Stage and Top 10 Street) were announced at the end of "Vegas" week, and Moises was there with the best.  I was glad that he made the top 10 stage dancers and was hoping that he would progress relatively far, although there were a number of other strong dancers, too.

Moises is not built that big, which is something they often treasure with the men on SYTYCD since they pair them with women for some of the dance lifts, so I knew that was going to be one thing that could hurt him.  His dancing has been fantastic, though, and I have been surprised that he has ended up in the bottom three each week.  His performance in Top 20 and Top 18 should easily have earned him a pass for both weeks, but only the Twitter vote saved him in Top 20 before going into the Top 18.

On the Top 18 show that I watched tonight, they said good-bye to Moises after neither the Twitter vote, nor the judges failed to save him.  It was too bad.  He's such a graceful and elegant dancer, and I love that he dances with all of his soul.  He's a better dancer than most of the street dancers, and had this been the regular format, I think he could have gone quite a ways.

Congrats on such a strong performance, Moises, and I hope we see more of you in the coming years!

Caitlyn Jenner

I watched the Diane Sawyer interview of Bruce Jenner a while back and thought it was well done.  A lot of people were surprised that one of the most masculine men of the past few decades announced that he's really a she.  I wasn't.  Some LGBT people still in the closet go ultra far in the other direction to compensate for what they are dealing with.  When I was growing up, I found sports to be my man-shield.   During the interview, though, I think what surprised me the most was that Jenner is a Republican, but after looking at Jenner's past, I suppose I shouldn't have been as surprised.  It will be interesting to see if Jenner transitions more to the middle of the road or Liberal side once she's seen the Republican party through the eyes of a trans person.

Let me first say that I've never watched more than 15 seconds of Keeping up with the Kardashians, so outside of the Olympic stuff, I had no idea of who Jenner really was until watching the special.  Sure, I've seen the hints over the past few years and if someone would have asked me years ago when the transition rumors started surfacing, I would have put down money that Jenner was indeed trans just based on the subtle changes and the knowledge of all the other transitions I have seen.

It appears that Vanity Fair pictures of Caitlyn Jenner are appearing on the internet today.  It looks like she had a little FFS...mainly on the jaw, and the professional photography and lighting are a plus.  She looks good.  I'm happy for her.

A few months ago, I was going to write an entry after watching the Diane Sawyer interview, but I had DVR'd it and it took me a few days to find some spare time to watch it.  I thought about JLo'ing her name into BJen (Be Jen) and suggesting that Jennifer Jenner has kind of a superheroine alter-ego ring to it, but I never got around to it.  I didn't expect a "Caitlyn," though.

A number of years back, I wrote a small screenplay for a friend.  He wanted it to be about 2 trans people who fell in love.  I named them Kate and Aiden.  Why?  Because I ran into a lot of transpeople named that.  While the name Kate has a classy appeal to it, the name didn't have a resurgence until the mid-1960's. Aiden is a relatively new name...and if you were over the age of 20 (when I wrote the screenplay), then I basically knew that you were trans.  How?  Because Aiden wasn't a name when you were born!  That's how!

The name "Caitlyn" wasn't even a name when Jenner was born. 

I did a little homework when picking out Kara, but then again, I had it picked out in the early 80's when it peaked.  OK, while the "name versus time" thing is a pet peeve of mine, it's sorta one of those things I just kinda laugh off and shrug my shoulders at.  I guess it's actually better than the secret trans handshake, though, because with the name thing I usually know in advance.  For instance, I got a Facebook friend request from someone named Kaden who shared a number of my high school friends. Ding, ding, ding...the trans radar went off simply based on the name, and sure enough, one of my female high school classmates was transitioning into a man.

In all honesty, though, I want people to be happy.  I just want people to realize the consequences of choosing a name that isn't common or even existent when they were born.

So, back to Caitlyn.  Some people are judging her transition timeline.  I'm sure some people think she's taking things too fast.  Everyone is different, and with a good support network, one can go as fast as they feel.  And you know what, she's not unaccustomed to going fast.  She did kick everyone's ass in the decathlon back in the 70's.  That reminds me...one question that wasn't talked about in the Diane Sawyer interview was how Jenner reacted to Renee Richards' transition back around that same time.  I wonder if Jenner went more in the closet or if that opened her eyes to her situation.  Who knows. 

While transition isn't a race, I can say that I beat Caitlyn in at least one thing.  Her best time in the 1500 meters:  4:12.6.  My best time in the 1500 meters:  4:05.98.  She'd kick my ass in the other 9 events, though.

Frameline 2014

Another San Francisco Pride brings with it another Frameline film fest.  This is my yearly review of the films that I saw.  Long story short:  go see Boy Meets Girl!

Broken Heart Land (IMdb)
I grew up in Texas, Colorado, South Dakota, and Missouri, so when I saw this film about a gay kid committing suicide in Oklahoma, I figured it would be an interesting film.  The story centers on the family of Zachary Harrington after Zachary has died.  The only glimpse one gets of him is his journal entries that are voiced at certain times during the film.

The rest of the movie deals with the family coming to grips with Zachary's sexuality and HIV status.  The film also covers a very interesting political battle over city council seats.  Overall, it was a decent film but the only out people appeared to be the lesbian couple in the political battle.  All of the other gay people still appeared to be in denial and well into the closet.  (Seriously...watch the film.  Every time there was someone bashing gay people, my girlfriend and I stared at each other and pointed out just how gay they were.)

Fun In Girls Shorts

Usually I don't post anything about the shorts programs, but I figured I would mention Marisa Tomei's She Said, She Said (watch the short on Vimeo) about two lesbians going through a divorce.  I thought it was a cute little short, and, with big name actors, I knew the acting would be pretty decent.

Get Animated

Another shorts program, in a category I had never seen at Frameline, was one involving animated stories.  Because animated stories typically allow a wider story to be told than the regular live actor films, especially more sci-fi type stories, I thought this one could be really cool.  I was lured in by the picture in Frameline's movie catalog from a short called Bendik and the Monster (see a teaser on Youtube), which turned out to be the only decent short in this set, both in story and quality of the animation.  The only other one that was semi-decent was Tord and Tord (see a teaser on Vimeo), but that one kinda left you without an answer at the end.  The rest of the shorts weren't worth watching.

Open Up to Me (IMdb / preview on Youtube )

My girlfriend was out of town during the week, so I went by myself to a few films.  In this "slice of life" movie, Maarit, a post-op transwoman, finds herself in a dead-end cleaning job but longs to find a position that utilizes her true skills.  After happening across a married couple struggling with their relationship, she becomes the girl on the side with someone distantly from her past.  Although they had a woman play the transwoman role, the film was decent and showed that our world isn't so black and white, but actually quite gray.

Boulevard (IMdb / Netflix)

With big names like Marisa Tomei showing up for a lesbian short, I was semi-surprised to see this feature with a lot of big names.  Robin Williams, Kathy Baker, and Bob Odenkirk star in this film about an older married man coming to grips with his sexuality by hiring a gay prostitute to hang out with him.  There were a lot of slow scenes and some awkward scenes, but Bob Odenkirk totally stole this film whenever he was in it (which is probably why he was given his own spin-off show later this fall in Better Call Saul.)  Overall, interesting story, but a little awkward and slow.  The only thing saving it are the big name actors.

Songs for Alexis (IMdb / Netflix)

Eighteen year old Ryan Cassata falls for sixteen year old Alexis in this coming of age film set in both New York and San Francisco.  After meeting Alexis in California, Ryan convinces Alexis to spend time with him in New York, but the distance and Alexis' conservative parents end up keeping the two apart.  Ryan uses the experience to put his emotion into song.  The two hook up again at the end of the film and decide to move to San Francisco.

Ryan attended the film and was able to give a personal update since filming ended two years ago.  Sadly to say, Ryan is now single.  This film will probably appeal more toward the younger crowd, but it's very interesting to watch these youth in probably their first serious relationship.  Ryan has had top surgery, but is non-op and non-hormones, which makes him more of an eternal boy without testosterone clogging his veins.

Drunktown's Finest (IMdb / Netflix)

It's always nice to see transwomen play transwomen roles, which is why I wanted to see this film.  Three stories are woven together about Native American lives on and around the reservation.  Carmen Moore, who I see actually is a porn star, seemed to fit the role of the transsexual selling her body for cash.  It was also nice to see the other side of that life with her grandparents.  Overall, this was a decent film and I liked how the stories were woven together.

Boy Meets Girl (IMdb)

I usually see about ten sets of films during Frameline, and typically there are only one or two gems.  This one was it, and was definitely my favorite film of Frameline38.  I laughed and I cried during this movie, and really enjoyed this polished product.  Even my girlfriend, who rarely cries at the movies, was caught wiping away tears at the end of this one.

In this story, Ricky and Robby have been best friends since they were six years old.  They both live in a small town in Kentucky, but what makes it interesting is that Ricky transitioned early on.  When the rich and beautiful Francesca rolls into Ricky's coffee shop, Ricky and Francesca find themselves in an unexpected lesbian relationship.  To complicate things, Francesca is planning to marry one of the locals when he returns from a military tour.  The present day story is interwoven with amusing and heartbreaking flashbacks of their past.  Michael Welch, who attended the film and spoke afterward, gave a strong performance as Robby, and newcomer, Michele Hendley (twitter) did a great job as Ricky.  Out of all of the films, this is the one to see, and hopefully it will do well with any type of moderate release.