Karaoke

This past weekend, our softball team took home the championship trophy. Afterward, a lot of us decided to celebrate at a local bar.

This season, I was a half-timer, meaning I split the season with another girl, so we were basically called upon when needed. She's a lefty, and I'm a righty, and we can both pummel the ball to our own sides of the field.

I was usually available to play most weeks, but once in awhile, I wasn't available, and would mention it so we could schedule which weeks the two of us would show up. Of course, we also had male substitutes that played, too.

When I hurt my knee earlier this year, I mentioned to the team that I wouldn't be there for awhile. One of the substitute guys replied to me that he was torn...that he'll get to play since they need a few extra people to play, but the girl he has a crush on won't be there.

Now, if I read it right, he was saying he had a crush on me since I wasn't going to be there, but I really wasn't sure, so I responded to him asking which girl. He then says that perhaps his email wasn't clear, and that he had a crush on me.

OK, whoa.

This guy is pretty cute. He's about 5'9, in very nice shape, and 10 years my younger. (What is up with all the young people?)

The team gathered the previous weekend after a long day in a tournament. We got on the subject of music and a variety of different songs, and my fondness for alternative songs from the 90's...one of which was Mr. Jones.

So, this weekend, they have Karaoke going on and he wants me to pick a song to sing if he sings Mr. Jones.

"You did like Mr. Jones, right?"

So, I pick out a song that I like, not realizing how hard it would be to sing it, and sing it well, nor that it's not a really fun fun song to sing and have others sing along with you.

So, let's call him K. K says he'll actually go up and sing first.

And he does.

And he actually sang fairly well, and really got into the song.

And, well, I have to admit I was super turned on that he was kinda singing that song for me.

But he's my teammate!!!

...and if I come out to him, well, I could possibly kiss good-bye ever playing softball around this neck of the woods.

Sigh.

I already know that he likes me, for some reason or another. He's kinda known for being a partier, but he's getting close to 30 and you can see that he's no longer a kid. He seems pretty mature, and I haven't really seen him act immature or anything.

So, I get up there to sing, and things just did not feel right. A few chords into this difficult song to sing I start getting super paranoid and kinda freak out. The heart races and everything starts moving in slow motion...so I stop singing. I tell the karaoke dude that I am going to stop and kindly put the microphone back on the stand.

The karaoke guy is very kind and tells people that I was forced to do it and was super drunk...which I wasn't.

When I get back to my teammates, they ask what happened. I tell them I felt a bit off, the song was different than the one I am used to, and made up some other lame excuses. Seriously, though, what was I going to tell them?

"Well, you see, I'm a transsexual, and although I can speak with a fairly decent female voice, getting in front of a bunch of non-T people to sing really freaked me out since I can't really sing that well with a female voice and I was afraid all of you would hear me sound like a guy or something..."

But, I didn't say that, of course.

They said I didn't sound that bad, and that they could barely hear me...so some of it was probably just in my head, but I already know that. Most of it was caused by my own paranoia.

So, what went from a super cool version of Mr. Jones ended with my sorry ass up on stage chickening out. Maybe K won't be so into me now, and I don't have to ever worry about coming out to him.

Sigh.