Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Numb

Last Friday was my final day of employment. It's OK, I'm financially set for a while...enough to let me take a break for a bit.

I had my exit interview with HR on Thursday, and my boss and I went over the final checklist on Friday. About an hour before the final checklist, though, I went around to say my good-byes.

Note to self: Skip the estrogen prior to your last day at work.

It is very hard saying good-bye to a lot of good people that I've spent time with over the past 8.5 years. I tried to hold back the tears, but I know my eyes were glistening. My voice cracked a few times, too, when I could barely find the air to speak.

I'd almost wished I hadn't taken any estrogen that morning...maybe to lessen the degree of emotion I felt. The estrogen seems to enhance and amplify emotions for me. Was there any need to feel the extra pain and suffering of saying good-bye?

But then I thought, if I wasn't feeling the emotion...if I wasn't expressing the emotion...if I wasn't absorbing the emotion, would I be living? Isn't life all about the experience?

It was funny, though...while I was very emotional in saying good-bye to a lot of coworkers, I felt fine on my drive home. Maybe I'm looking forward to the break, spending some time with my mom, and the chance to do a little freelance writing this week.

4 comments:

Kelly said...

Kara, I'm so sorry about you losing your job. I can sorta understand how you feel. When I had to leave my old school a few years ago after being there for 6 years, it was very hard for me. I cried quite a bit but time heals that.

Anonymous said...

Aww, hope you feel better soon. Taking a good break can be, good. I'm in similar shoes, trying to find a better job cause the one I have doesn't pay so well and work hours are limited, to sometimes, none. That's the downside of being on-call.

Ol' Guy said...

Hang in there. There's life after layoff. Believe me. Been there.

Lorri Lee Lown -- velogirl said...

remember, my layoff opened the door to an exciting new life and career for me. enjoy your time off and spend some time thinking about what you're really like to do. if you're still riding, let me know and we'll hook up for a ride sometime, okay?

Lorri