I activated the Capitol One card I finally received in the mail. The credit line isn’t as high as I was hoping for, but I hope to call them to see if they can raise it.
Well, since I have felt kinda frazzled in the brain and still fight the stupid constipation with the pain killer pills for electrolysis, I’m going to try just half a pill from now on. It’s going to be hard, but I’m tired of putting up with their side effects.
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Pants on Fire
I was on a FFS group on Yahoo yesterday reading some of the posts and looking at pictures. One of the girls had posted some pictures after her surgery and I was not impressed. Sure, from a distance, she looked like a girl, but up close she looked way out of whack. What really bugged me is all of these other T’s were telling her how good she looked. People lie. I know that. But it’s kinda uncool to do that to a person...tell her she looks fine when she doesn’t. Of course, what can you tell a person who doesn’t look natural after going through FFS. I guess that’s the risk we take, though, trying to look natural after FFS, and like a female....like the girl on the inside. Like I have said before, that’s one of my biggest worries about FFS...not looking natural.
Money, money, money...take 7
I was able to sell some of my stocks recently after they made it back up to decent prices. I had one I bought at $14 a share that plummetted down to about $2 before recently coming back up. I sold it at $14.50. I think I made a buck with the commission fees. Another one I sold at $27 after buying it at $24. Nice. The last stock I own I bought a whole lot higher than it is now. I have a sell price attached to it now, and hope it makes it back up there. I might just hang on to it and sell some other stuff.
Today, I was finally able to get some answers on transferring my old 401k account over to my current 401k so that I can borrow from it. Hopefully I can get all of that arranged before having to pay the full amount to Dr. O in January.
Today, I was finally able to get some answers on transferring my old 401k account over to my current 401k so that I can borrow from it. Hopefully I can get all of that arranged before having to pay the full amount to Dr. O in January.
January
In my meeting today, we were discussing the date of a future meeting...in January. One of my coworkers was thoroughly impressed that I knew which days were what...such as January 2nd being a Friday...by asking, “How do you know so much about January?” Uhhh...they do make calendars. Actually, I told him, “It’s an inside joke.” How else would you explain....hey, I’ve got a face-to-face meeting set up with HR on January 2nd because I’m a transsexual. And, of course, with AB196 taking effect at midnight on New Year’s Eve, I know a lot about January 1st.
Sunday, October 12, 2003
Meeting Claire
Last week just kinda flew by. Every week I count down the time until my next electrolysis session. It’s pretty pathetic, but truthfully, I live for every time she’s zapping hairs. The more hair that is gone, the better I can be Kara without having to load up the makeup. I’ll be so glad when I can at least go out as Kara without too much makeup and still be called “ma’am.”
Last night, I went to a T dinner in the East Bay. It was a mixture of CD’s and TS. Since I arrived later than most, I was on the table that was last to fill. Actually, I enjoy sitting on those tables because I can meet new people. Although I like to keep up with friends, I also like to make new friends. Rachel and I did sit at the same table, but there were many new people I also met. Rachel and I had a decent conversation as usual. She told me she just turned 40 and was getting on with life. She was able to hang out with her female friends from work, and had a new guy she was seeing....sorta. Since she is currently Miss TGSF 2003, we also talked a little about the Cotillion. She’s having SRS right after it, and I’m looking at having FFS right around the same time. Those are bigs steps for the both of us.
In the program for the dinner, it had a line at the bottom that said all the crossdressers had to use the ladies room downstairs. Rachel explained to me that the city we were in had actually determined that a persons chromosomal makeup determined which bathroom one was to use. I thought she was kidding. I told Rachel, ”I’m not a crossdresser...I’m using the regular bathroom...not the men’s.” She said she was going to use the restroom upstairs or not at all. When I asked the organizer of the dinner, she said that TS could go wherever. So, when the time arose, we were both off to the women’s bathroom. No problem, even though there was a wedding party at the same facility with a lot of people in and out of the bathrooms. Rachel and I actually kidded around about crashing the wedding party just to do a little dancing and have a little fun. As we were leaving, we almost did. There was a bunch of young women that were leaving their party at the same time, though, and they all looked fabulous. Since we were walking right with them, Rachel turns to me and says, “OK, where are we all headed now?” and then chuckled. I laughed as well.
Rachel and I at the dinner. I'm hiding my chin cuz it was a little swollen from electrolysis. ;)
I headed down to a fellow TGSF board member’s place to do a little revision to the TGSF website. We figured out how to add in a link for the 2004 Cotillion. We still have to take care of some of the PayPal issues. After that, I went to the city to catch a CD friend’s open art studio. I told her I wanted one of them. It’s a picture of a park bench in the rain. I guess I have always been one to enjoy the rain. I love running in the rain. Usually, I am the only one out running which makes it very peaceful. I told her I would love to have a picture of me running in the rain, and she actually mentioned that she was interested in taking of pictures of runners in Golden Gate Park while it was raining. We’ll have to coordinate all of that with Mother Nature.
Afterward, I met up with Claire from GenderPeace. A friend from the board mentioned to me that she was really eager to get out, but since she hadn’t been out that much, she preferred to go with someone. Actually, that’s a very wise decision, and I still prefer the buddy system when going out.
So, this was Claire’s first interactive time out in public. She presented very well for only her third time out. I was impressed. We met in the Castro since they have some decent restaurants, and since it’s mainly a gay male population, one usually won’t run into any problems. We talked over some pasta, then fed our sweet toothes (or is it sweet teeth?) at Ben & Jerry’s. She said she was nervous most of the night, but to me she looked very calm and collective.
After talking, we found we were both military brats growing up in different parts of the US. She’s out to two friends, but afraid to tell her parents for fear that they’ll abandon her. I told her it was good to tell them so they can see the baby steps instead of showing up one day and saying “Look Mom, I have boobs.” I also told her, however, that the downside was if one was relying on them financially, or as a financial backup, then it might be best not to tell them. Unfortunately, everyone reacts differently. In the end, I figure she knows her family best, and she’ll do what’s best for her.
Last night, I went to a T dinner in the East Bay. It was a mixture of CD’s and TS. Since I arrived later than most, I was on the table that was last to fill. Actually, I enjoy sitting on those tables because I can meet new people. Although I like to keep up with friends, I also like to make new friends. Rachel and I did sit at the same table, but there were many new people I also met. Rachel and I had a decent conversation as usual. She told me she just turned 40 and was getting on with life. She was able to hang out with her female friends from work, and had a new guy she was seeing....sorta. Since she is currently Miss TGSF 2003, we also talked a little about the Cotillion. She’s having SRS right after it, and I’m looking at having FFS right around the same time. Those are bigs steps for the both of us.
In the program for the dinner, it had a line at the bottom that said all the crossdressers had to use the ladies room downstairs. Rachel explained to me that the city we were in had actually determined that a persons chromosomal makeup determined which bathroom one was to use. I thought she was kidding. I told Rachel, ”I’m not a crossdresser...I’m using the regular bathroom...not the men’s.” She said she was going to use the restroom upstairs or not at all. When I asked the organizer of the dinner, she said that TS could go wherever. So, when the time arose, we were both off to the women’s bathroom. No problem, even though there was a wedding party at the same facility with a lot of people in and out of the bathrooms. Rachel and I actually kidded around about crashing the wedding party just to do a little dancing and have a little fun. As we were leaving, we almost did. There was a bunch of young women that were leaving their party at the same time, though, and they all looked fabulous. Since we were walking right with them, Rachel turns to me and says, “OK, where are we all headed now?” and then chuckled. I laughed as well.
Rachel and I at the dinner. I'm hiding my chin cuz it was a little swollen from electrolysis. ;)I headed down to a fellow TGSF board member’s place to do a little revision to the TGSF website. We figured out how to add in a link for the 2004 Cotillion. We still have to take care of some of the PayPal issues. After that, I went to the city to catch a CD friend’s open art studio. I told her I wanted one of them. It’s a picture of a park bench in the rain. I guess I have always been one to enjoy the rain. I love running in the rain. Usually, I am the only one out running which makes it very peaceful. I told her I would love to have a picture of me running in the rain, and she actually mentioned that she was interested in taking of pictures of runners in Golden Gate Park while it was raining. We’ll have to coordinate all of that with Mother Nature.
Afterward, I met up with Claire from GenderPeace. A friend from the board mentioned to me that she was really eager to get out, but since she hadn’t been out that much, she preferred to go with someone. Actually, that’s a very wise decision, and I still prefer the buddy system when going out.
So, this was Claire’s first interactive time out in public. She presented very well for only her third time out. I was impressed. We met in the Castro since they have some decent restaurants, and since it’s mainly a gay male population, one usually won’t run into any problems. We talked over some pasta, then fed our sweet toothes (or is it sweet teeth?) at Ben & Jerry’s. She said she was nervous most of the night, but to me she looked very calm and collective.
After talking, we found we were both military brats growing up in different parts of the US. She’s out to two friends, but afraid to tell her parents for fear that they’ll abandon her. I told her it was good to tell them so they can see the baby steps instead of showing up one day and saying “Look Mom, I have boobs.” I also told her, however, that the downside was if one was relying on them financially, or as a financial backup, then it might be best not to tell them. Unfortunately, everyone reacts differently. In the end, I figure she knows her family best, and she’ll do what’s best for her.
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Dreads
I walked into work yesterday and the first thing I noticed was my boss cut off all of his dreadlocks (yeah, my boss had dreads....how cool, huh?). “Oh great!” I thought, “Mark is really going to bash me now that I’m the only one with long hair.” Sure enough, Mark was pretty quick on the draw, but this time it was easily seen well in advance. Today he also made comments about it again. My boss also ganged up by saying I needed to get a motorcycle and a leather outfit to go along with my hair. Mark was quick to point out that I had none of the other characteristics that went along with my longer hair. Stereotypes?
Before work today I voted in California’s recall election. Oooohhh...politics. Well, since Gray Davis signed AB196 adding gender identity to the non discrimination policy of the state, I decided to vote to keep him in office. Unfortunately, tonight they proclaim that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be our next governor. How whacked is that?
Before work today I voted in California’s recall election. Oooohhh...politics. Well, since Gray Davis signed AB196 adding gender identity to the non discrimination policy of the state, I decided to vote to keep him in office. Unfortunately, tonight they proclaim that Arnold Schwarzenegger will be our next governor. How whacked is that?
Sunday, October 05, 2003
Kool-Aid
My electrologist was able to squeeze me in last Tuesday when she got back from Europe. I was heading out that weekend, missing my usual appointments, so luckily she was able to get in 2 hours on me. We did the upper lip, and damn, that thing was all swollen up. I iced it Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, and even tried taking Benedryl that morning. Wow...something about the pain killer the night before plus the Benedryl really zonkered me Wednesday morning.
I run a meeting every Wednesday morning, and I knew all eyes would possibly be on my upper lip. Sure enough, a coworker made a comment, “It looks like you’ve been drinking Kool-Aid.”
The only response I could manage at that time was, “My razor and I didn’t get along this morning.” I think they bought it.
Thursday, I flew in to the Midwest for a little Homecoming with old college friends. I flew in girl mode and had no trouble at SFO on the way out. At the gate, the Cal Bears Women’s Soccer Team was flying out as well. These are the type of women I think I would have been if I would have been born a girl. I super envy them. Feminine yet sporty....that’s me. I remember totally being in love with this girl in college. My friends thought I was totally obsessed with her. The thing was....she was the person I thought I should have been. I wanted to live vicariously through her...because she was me if I would have been the right gender in the first place....or even perhaps if I had figured all of this out a bit sooner.
Once I flew into the midwest, I took the shuttle to the car rental place. The lady at the car rental place didn’t even flinch when I handed her my boy license. I have a girl picture ID card, but the driver’s license is still in boy mode. I can’t wait until I get that one fixed.
I went down to Joe and Susan’s for dinner with an old roommate/coworker named Craig, and his wife. This was their first view of me in girl mode, even if it was 8 hours after I got ready. They did well, although the pronouns were pretty hard for them. At least they are trying.
After that, I drove down to the town I used to live in and met up with 3 old friends. I was hoping to see a few more, but a lot of them say they aren’t ready. I was able to chat with Dawn, Cindy, and Sam (whose real name is not Sam, but is way to unique to put on here). We shared a few baskets of chips and salsa while discussing the latest events in their lives, as well as my journey. Sam said (in a half kidding, half not kidding manner) he showed up just to check me out.
Cindy seemed pretty carefree on the topic, but Dawn was very concerned for me. She didn’t want me having any surgeries and was worried about my future. They definitely had a hard time with the pronouns, but at least they showed up to say hey. Dawn and I used to work pretty close together and got along so well that a lot of people seemed to think we were fooling around. We used to have a lot of good conversations that were very thought stimulating...and since both of us were thick skulled, we didn’t back down much. Dawn’s a smart cookie, though, and I know she’s just looking out for me. I did a hypothetical on her though...suggesting that some girls just move away and ditch all their old friends. People who don’t know the T before transition do a lot better just knowing her as a girl instead of seeing their male friend disappear only to be replaced by some girl they don’t really know. She didn’t like that...and said I had better stay in contact with her. I will, trust me.
Friday, Jamie, Joe, and I played golf in the rain. OK, well, we played the first 9 holes without getting wet, but I was so cold and wet on the next 5 holes that I called it a day. Jamie and Joe weren’t that cold, but I was freezing my ass off. Have the hormones made me a captive to the cold? I always used to the be the one who had to turn the thermostat down because I was hot, but I think times have changed. It’s good, I think I might fall in the normal range now.
I drove to my old college after that and met up with some old friends in a bar. I went in girl mode, and they recognized me right away. They said it was easy since I was the only one left who they knew would be sitting down with them. One admitted that he wouldn’t have recognized me if I had just walked by. They did well with the situation, but they were far off on the pronouns.
I participated in another event which I can’t really mention on here, but let’s just say that the college kids were unphased. I went to a party with a mixture of college kids and alum, but in boy mode. As I was leaving, one of the college kids had some fairly affirming words for me...I was impressed.
On Sunday I was back in girl mode. I returned the rental car and found a very warm gentleman eager to help me aboard the shuttle, but I told him I was in no hurry and needed to take care of returning the car still. Inside, I found the same clerk that had checked out the car to me. Great. Anyway, there was another big dude with her, and someone behind the corner who I could hear laughing. The dude around the corner continued to laugh for the better part of my time spent checking in the car. The big dude sorta followed me out and asked me kind questions like “How was your time here?” and “Did the car give you any trouble?” I was the lone person to board the shuttle back to the airport. The driver of this shuttle bus starts up a conversation with the other shuttle (I can only assume the first guy who was very warm in helping me get my bags on the shuttle) about how he saw John Goodman at Hertz within the past hour. The other shuttle driver says something about seeing one of the local pro football players. A third voice breaks into the conversation with “Maybe you will get lucky.” A few minutes later we hear “Did you get lucky?” My driver responds with “What do you mean by that?” Silence. Yeah, I think it was the big dude messing with him since he knew I was TS. The funny thing about all of it was the only person I didn’t feel “discriminated” against was a white guy and the older black gentleman that initially was going to help me with my bags. The rest were minorities. The girl behind the counter was Latina and the big dude was black. It kinda sucks when some of the cultures and races that have been discriminated against for a long time are the ones still discriminating against or making fun of others.
The lady at the airline check-in counter stared long and hard at my girl ID. As I was walking away, I could swear she said “That’s a man” to one of her coworkers. I think I faintly heard “...used to be a man” from her male coworker to correct her.
I used to love picking up people as they arrived into the airport. I am such a people watcher. Now, I’m just limited to people watching when I’m flying. The bad part is, however, I have been flying in girl mode the past several times. It’s a little harder to watch people when they are watching me.
As I approached my gate, I noticed a woman staring heavily at me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. When she’d stared long enough at me, I stared directly at her...and she’d turn away. I’ve found this method works well with kids as well. When they continually stare, I’ve found staring directly back at them usually gets them to turn away....at which point I usually smile.
I run a meeting every Wednesday morning, and I knew all eyes would possibly be on my upper lip. Sure enough, a coworker made a comment, “It looks like you’ve been drinking Kool-Aid.”
The only response I could manage at that time was, “My razor and I didn’t get along this morning.” I think they bought it.
Thursday, I flew in to the Midwest for a little Homecoming with old college friends. I flew in girl mode and had no trouble at SFO on the way out. At the gate, the Cal Bears Women’s Soccer Team was flying out as well. These are the type of women I think I would have been if I would have been born a girl. I super envy them. Feminine yet sporty....that’s me. I remember totally being in love with this girl in college. My friends thought I was totally obsessed with her. The thing was....she was the person I thought I should have been. I wanted to live vicariously through her...because she was me if I would have been the right gender in the first place....or even perhaps if I had figured all of this out a bit sooner.
Once I flew into the midwest, I took the shuttle to the car rental place. The lady at the car rental place didn’t even flinch when I handed her my boy license. I have a girl picture ID card, but the driver’s license is still in boy mode. I can’t wait until I get that one fixed.
I went down to Joe and Susan’s for dinner with an old roommate/coworker named Craig, and his wife. This was their first view of me in girl mode, even if it was 8 hours after I got ready. They did well, although the pronouns were pretty hard for them. At least they are trying.
After that, I drove down to the town I used to live in and met up with 3 old friends. I was hoping to see a few more, but a lot of them say they aren’t ready. I was able to chat with Dawn, Cindy, and Sam (whose real name is not Sam, but is way to unique to put on here). We shared a few baskets of chips and salsa while discussing the latest events in their lives, as well as my journey. Sam said (in a half kidding, half not kidding manner) he showed up just to check me out.
Cindy seemed pretty carefree on the topic, but Dawn was very concerned for me. She didn’t want me having any surgeries and was worried about my future. They definitely had a hard time with the pronouns, but at least they showed up to say hey. Dawn and I used to work pretty close together and got along so well that a lot of people seemed to think we were fooling around. We used to have a lot of good conversations that were very thought stimulating...and since both of us were thick skulled, we didn’t back down much. Dawn’s a smart cookie, though, and I know she’s just looking out for me. I did a hypothetical on her though...suggesting that some girls just move away and ditch all their old friends. People who don’t know the T before transition do a lot better just knowing her as a girl instead of seeing their male friend disappear only to be replaced by some girl they don’t really know. She didn’t like that...and said I had better stay in contact with her. I will, trust me.
Friday, Jamie, Joe, and I played golf in the rain. OK, well, we played the first 9 holes without getting wet, but I was so cold and wet on the next 5 holes that I called it a day. Jamie and Joe weren’t that cold, but I was freezing my ass off. Have the hormones made me a captive to the cold? I always used to the be the one who had to turn the thermostat down because I was hot, but I think times have changed. It’s good, I think I might fall in the normal range now.
I drove to my old college after that and met up with some old friends in a bar. I went in girl mode, and they recognized me right away. They said it was easy since I was the only one left who they knew would be sitting down with them. One admitted that he wouldn’t have recognized me if I had just walked by. They did well with the situation, but they were far off on the pronouns.
I participated in another event which I can’t really mention on here, but let’s just say that the college kids were unphased. I went to a party with a mixture of college kids and alum, but in boy mode. As I was leaving, one of the college kids had some fairly affirming words for me...I was impressed.
On Sunday I was back in girl mode. I returned the rental car and found a very warm gentleman eager to help me aboard the shuttle, but I told him I was in no hurry and needed to take care of returning the car still. Inside, I found the same clerk that had checked out the car to me. Great. Anyway, there was another big dude with her, and someone behind the corner who I could hear laughing. The dude around the corner continued to laugh for the better part of my time spent checking in the car. The big dude sorta followed me out and asked me kind questions like “How was your time here?” and “Did the car give you any trouble?” I was the lone person to board the shuttle back to the airport. The driver of this shuttle bus starts up a conversation with the other shuttle (I can only assume the first guy who was very warm in helping me get my bags on the shuttle) about how he saw John Goodman at Hertz within the past hour. The other shuttle driver says something about seeing one of the local pro football players. A third voice breaks into the conversation with “Maybe you will get lucky.” A few minutes later we hear “Did you get lucky?” My driver responds with “What do you mean by that?” Silence. Yeah, I think it was the big dude messing with him since he knew I was TS. The funny thing about all of it was the only person I didn’t feel “discriminated” against was a white guy and the older black gentleman that initially was going to help me with my bags. The rest were minorities. The girl behind the counter was Latina and the big dude was black. It kinda sucks when some of the cultures and races that have been discriminated against for a long time are the ones still discriminating against or making fun of others.
The lady at the airline check-in counter stared long and hard at my girl ID. As I was walking away, I could swear she said “That’s a man” to one of her coworkers. I think I faintly heard “...used to be a man” from her male coworker to correct her.
I used to love picking up people as they arrived into the airport. I am such a people watcher. Now, I’m just limited to people watching when I’m flying. The bad part is, however, I have been flying in girl mode the past several times. It’s a little harder to watch people when they are watching me.
As I approached my gate, I noticed a woman staring heavily at me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. When she’d stared long enough at me, I stared directly at her...and she’d turn away. I’ve found this method works well with kids as well. When they continually stare, I’ve found staring directly back at them usually gets them to turn away....at which point I usually smile.
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