Last night, I just hung out and watched TV. I spotted one channel that had deaf families debating whether or not to have cochlear implants for their children. One family was more into preserving the deaf culture, while the other pondered giving their child a chance at a normal life. The debate then centered on what was normal, and that a deaf child could still have a normal life.
The way I see it, why not give a child a chance at a regular life. We have technology to enable some people to hear again. There are some that say that misery loves company, and that they are just trying to keep more people deaf so that they won’t be all alone.
This topic also rings true in the TS world. There are some TS out there that say transition wasn’t hard for them or that they have had remarkable physical results with their transition. They’ll say that their SRS results were wonderful, they have sex with guys, and have plenty of orgasms. In truth, though, there are some girls that have major troubles with transition, both physical and psychological. Some TS have so many troubles with their SRS that they basically can’t have sex, or the sex they do have is not pleasing. Problems range from inability to orgasm, to inability to accommodate their partner, to unpleasing aesthetics. A lot of these girls, just in general, end up alone, and thus will lie to get other girls to go through the same thing and join them in their misery.
I cannot exist as a woman with a penis. It’s not fulfilling to me. I will be pursuing SRS. I know the risks, but I follow the doctor’s guidelines on pursuing a complication free operation and recovery. I may be physically miserable afterward, but the psychological misery right now is definitely enough for me to know that SRS is the only answer.
For instance, a coworker whispered to me on Friday that a male friend of hers that came in to her desk to get something asked her who the cute girl was. He was referring to me. When she told me this, I whispered back, “Now, now...don’t cause any trouble.” Later that day, though, I queried her for more information on this guy who asked about me. But I mean, come on, I can’t do anything until after SRS...so why even tempt myself. Also, it’s probably better from a safety point that I not place myself in a situation where a pre-op transsexual gets her brain bashed in.
Speaking of being able to get out of having my brain bashed in, I made it out for a run along the bunny trail today. I ran, not hopped, most of the way, unlike this past week where I had a few short runs during my 3 mile walk. It felt good to get back out again, but I’m nowhere near where I was...but still able to outrun most would be attackers....I hope.
Sunday, April 11, 2004
29
For those that believe in the Easter Bunny....Happy Easter. For those that don’t....Happy Sunday.
Amber, Claire, and I took Amy out for her 29th birthday this past Friday. We had some awesome Korean BBQ. Yum. I kinda felt like the old hag of the group, though, since all three of them are now 29, while I am just a meager “29”. After we ate, we headed to find a cafe, and after one block of walking, Amy says she has to pee.
Uugggghhhh!!!!
There was a cafe nearby, but Claire and Amy said the bathroom was gross there, and that they knew another one just a little ways down. OK, so we’re walking, and walking, and walking...and, well, it wasn’t warm in the area that we’re walking. In fact, we’re less than a mile from the ocean to start with, and the chilly ocean breezes are definitely cutting through us. I joke to Claire, “We’re almost to the ocean” at which point Amber then let’s Claire in on the sarcasm of my remark. So, we head back the same way we came, only to have Claire realize that the cafe she was thinking about was the other way, and only a block away.
Gggggrrrrrrrr!
Anyway, once we warmed up, the topic turns to doing something else. Amber says, “Bowling!!!” in her hilariously cheerful manner and charm. I find a place to bowl in the available yellow pages, and off we go. I’m not sure if everyone was up for it since it’s not the most femme thing to do, but we decide to try it. We also stopped off at one of their nearby pool hall places “just to see if there were any cute boys there”, as Claire puts it. Anyway, we bowled. It was ok, and I had a fun time. Claire, however, likes to note that I am extremely competitive...both times in which we’ve played some type of sporting activity, pool and now bowling. Perhaps I am. I play to win, but I’m also a good sport. I’m not going to let someone else win just because they suck, but I will help them gain confidence and experience in trying to better themselves.
What’s really funny, though, is this morning I caught on TV the first ever women’s NCAA bowling championship. One of the old schools I used to square off against on occasion was in the finals. The women on the winning team for each game, though, were hyped up. They were totally pumped. Talk about competitive...wow! So, is our society set up such that men cannot show sensitivity and women cannot show competitiveness?
Saturday morning, I went for electrolysis. On my way in, I usually grab my electro a latte to ensure that she’s in a good mood and loaded with caffeine. Plus, she likes...er...loves coffee. I usually head to Starbucks for her usual latte, but after talking to her on the phone, she says, “In the spirit of not relying on foreign markets for their oil, why don’t you stop off at that other place”, so I do. I order, turn around, then spot Amber sitting at one of the tables. She hasn’t seen or heard me yet, so I casually walk over to her table. I knew she’d be in the area since she was having her car worked on, but I really didn’t think we’d run into one another there. Anyway, I had a few minutes to spare (actually a lot, since my electro was running a little behind), so we chatted for a bit. She got to see me in ugly mode since I hadn’t shaved in over a day and wasn’t wearing any makeup. Soon, hopefully, I’ll have the facial hair back to getting zapped on a weekly basis with not much showing through.
Anyway, we did two hours on my cheeks. I’m looking less hairy, but I still have the lower half of my goatee. We’re saving that area for last since it’s still a bit sore. Hopefully next week most of the hair on my face will be gone, although it will still be regrowing in some portion or another. I have a wedding at the end of the month I would really like to be in some type of decent shape for.
My zapper and I usually have some nice little conversations during our sessions. Because I’m on pain killers, though, I don’t always remember what we talked about. I took a Vicodin this time, the first time to take it for the pain. It didn’t last as long, nor perform as well as my usual stuff, which I will probably go back to next week. During our discussion, though, we somehow got on a subject that’s a little sore for her. She mentioned that a lot of the people that she has worked on and built a friendship with, have often just ceased their friendship once they are done with zapping. I told her that we’ll be friends forever since I have so much hair still to zap, including the stuff downstairs as well as my hands, feet, etc., where I don’t want to see any hair. Then I told her I’d invite her to my wedding if I ever got married. She said she wouldn’t come because it’s hard for her to be around people who have moved on to a “regular life”. She has a pretty good life now, owns a house, makes a very good income in her business, is well liked by many of the TS community...but just wants more. I don’t blame her.
After electro, I was looking pretty shabby, so I just headed home while grabbing some comfort food for the road. I was sir’d going through the drive thru...gotta work more on the voice. I think it made it harder to do the voice since I wasn’t in full femme regalia, but more andro. I psyched myself out.
Amber, Claire, and I took Amy out for her 29th birthday this past Friday. We had some awesome Korean BBQ. Yum. I kinda felt like the old hag of the group, though, since all three of them are now 29, while I am just a meager “29”. After we ate, we headed to find a cafe, and after one block of walking, Amy says she has to pee.
Uugggghhhh!!!!
There was a cafe nearby, but Claire and Amy said the bathroom was gross there, and that they knew another one just a little ways down. OK, so we’re walking, and walking, and walking...and, well, it wasn’t warm in the area that we’re walking. In fact, we’re less than a mile from the ocean to start with, and the chilly ocean breezes are definitely cutting through us. I joke to Claire, “We’re almost to the ocean” at which point Amber then let’s Claire in on the sarcasm of my remark. So, we head back the same way we came, only to have Claire realize that the cafe she was thinking about was the other way, and only a block away.
Gggggrrrrrrrr!
Anyway, once we warmed up, the topic turns to doing something else. Amber says, “Bowling!!!” in her hilariously cheerful manner and charm. I find a place to bowl in the available yellow pages, and off we go. I’m not sure if everyone was up for it since it’s not the most femme thing to do, but we decide to try it. We also stopped off at one of their nearby pool hall places “just to see if there were any cute boys there”, as Claire puts it. Anyway, we bowled. It was ok, and I had a fun time. Claire, however, likes to note that I am extremely competitive...both times in which we’ve played some type of sporting activity, pool and now bowling. Perhaps I am. I play to win, but I’m also a good sport. I’m not going to let someone else win just because they suck, but I will help them gain confidence and experience in trying to better themselves.
What’s really funny, though, is this morning I caught on TV the first ever women’s NCAA bowling championship. One of the old schools I used to square off against on occasion was in the finals. The women on the winning team for each game, though, were hyped up. They were totally pumped. Talk about competitive...wow! So, is our society set up such that men cannot show sensitivity and women cannot show competitiveness?
Saturday morning, I went for electrolysis. On my way in, I usually grab my electro a latte to ensure that she’s in a good mood and loaded with caffeine. Plus, she likes...er...loves coffee. I usually head to Starbucks for her usual latte, but after talking to her on the phone, she says, “In the spirit of not relying on foreign markets for their oil, why don’t you stop off at that other place”, so I do. I order, turn around, then spot Amber sitting at one of the tables. She hasn’t seen or heard me yet, so I casually walk over to her table. I knew she’d be in the area since she was having her car worked on, but I really didn’t think we’d run into one another there. Anyway, I had a few minutes to spare (actually a lot, since my electro was running a little behind), so we chatted for a bit. She got to see me in ugly mode since I hadn’t shaved in over a day and wasn’t wearing any makeup. Soon, hopefully, I’ll have the facial hair back to getting zapped on a weekly basis with not much showing through.
Anyway, we did two hours on my cheeks. I’m looking less hairy, but I still have the lower half of my goatee. We’re saving that area for last since it’s still a bit sore. Hopefully next week most of the hair on my face will be gone, although it will still be regrowing in some portion or another. I have a wedding at the end of the month I would really like to be in some type of decent shape for.
My zapper and I usually have some nice little conversations during our sessions. Because I’m on pain killers, though, I don’t always remember what we talked about. I took a Vicodin this time, the first time to take it for the pain. It didn’t last as long, nor perform as well as my usual stuff, which I will probably go back to next week. During our discussion, though, we somehow got on a subject that’s a little sore for her. She mentioned that a lot of the people that she has worked on and built a friendship with, have often just ceased their friendship once they are done with zapping. I told her that we’ll be friends forever since I have so much hair still to zap, including the stuff downstairs as well as my hands, feet, etc., where I don’t want to see any hair. Then I told her I’d invite her to my wedding if I ever got married. She said she wouldn’t come because it’s hard for her to be around people who have moved on to a “regular life”. She has a pretty good life now, owns a house, makes a very good income in her business, is well liked by many of the TS community...but just wants more. I don’t blame her.
After electro, I was looking pretty shabby, so I just headed home while grabbing some comfort food for the road. I was sir’d going through the drive thru...gotta work more on the voice. I think it made it harder to do the voice since I wasn’t in full femme regalia, but more andro. I psyched myself out.
Thursday, April 08, 2004
The worst daughter in the world
Doh! I forgot to call my mom again. Ggggrrrrr! My memory is really going. I left work at 8pm again...a little too late to call her since she’s two time zones different. OK, OK...I’ll definitely make up for it on Friday.
This whole week has been kinda messed up for me with the time change and being sick early on. I was still sick Sunday night and Monday morning, so much so that I slept in until 11:30am. It was horrible...I woke up at 5am with a stomach ache and hallucinations while trying to sleep. I stayed up for a while, then went back to bed before the alarm went off around 7. The head and stomach were still hurting, so I called in to work and told Robi I wouldn’t be in until noon at the earliest. I think I made it in by 1pm, and stayed late to try to get caught up. And since I slept in, it was hard getting to bed on time Monday night. I didn’t sleep that well again on Monday night, and thus made it to work a little later than usual. It’s been that way all week long, except I started sleeping better Tuesday night.
As I was taking care of some stuff late tonight, a coworker and I start talking. She asks if she can ask a personal question. I say sure. She wants to know if I have had THE surgery. I tell her I haven’t had surgery down below since I have to live as a woman first, but that I have had facial surgery. I then showed her some of the things that were done. I also had to explain what hormones do and don’t do, and that what voice change I do have was earned with practice.
She also asked me about my hair and if I had done anything with it. I told her no, since they said to wait 1.5 months until after surgery. She said it looked a little frazzled and that I should get the split ends cut. She also talked about some different products. The thing is, I’ve tried a ton of different products, and none of them seems to work so good. She brought up a straightening iron, or a curling iron, but after having a stylist tell me she wouldn’t be able to iron out my hair in an hour, I have kinda given up on ironing it myself. She also mentioned a few other items, but what always came back to my mind was the split ends thing. I looked tonight, and almost all of my hair looks pretty good on the end, it’s just that my hair goes everywhere. It looks frazzled because it’s super frizzy. I’ve also been going fairly poofy this week, because next week I have an appointment to have my hair straightened permanently. Yep, I’m going for the straight hair. Well, I’m going for mostly straight. I had a consult with the stylist this past Saturday, and he says that he’ll be able to get it mostly straight, but that there might be some waviness to it. I think I can handle wavy, just as long as it isn’t super frizzy curls. So, stay tuned.
This whole week has been kinda messed up for me with the time change and being sick early on. I was still sick Sunday night and Monday morning, so much so that I slept in until 11:30am. It was horrible...I woke up at 5am with a stomach ache and hallucinations while trying to sleep. I stayed up for a while, then went back to bed before the alarm went off around 7. The head and stomach were still hurting, so I called in to work and told Robi I wouldn’t be in until noon at the earliest. I think I made it in by 1pm, and stayed late to try to get caught up. And since I slept in, it was hard getting to bed on time Monday night. I didn’t sleep that well again on Monday night, and thus made it to work a little later than usual. It’s been that way all week long, except I started sleeping better Tuesday night.
As I was taking care of some stuff late tonight, a coworker and I start talking. She asks if she can ask a personal question. I say sure. She wants to know if I have had THE surgery. I tell her I haven’t had surgery down below since I have to live as a woman first, but that I have had facial surgery. I then showed her some of the things that were done. I also had to explain what hormones do and don’t do, and that what voice change I do have was earned with practice.
She also asked me about my hair and if I had done anything with it. I told her no, since they said to wait 1.5 months until after surgery. She said it looked a little frazzled and that I should get the split ends cut. She also talked about some different products. The thing is, I’ve tried a ton of different products, and none of them seems to work so good. She brought up a straightening iron, or a curling iron, but after having a stylist tell me she wouldn’t be able to iron out my hair in an hour, I have kinda given up on ironing it myself. She also mentioned a few other items, but what always came back to my mind was the split ends thing. I looked tonight, and almost all of my hair looks pretty good on the end, it’s just that my hair goes everywhere. It looks frazzled because it’s super frizzy. I’ve also been going fairly poofy this week, because next week I have an appointment to have my hair straightened permanently. Yep, I’m going for the straight hair. Well, I’m going for mostly straight. I had a consult with the stylist this past Saturday, and he says that he’ll be able to get it mostly straight, but that there might be some waviness to it. I think I can handle wavy, just as long as it isn’t super frizzy curls. So, stay tuned.
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
$6.10
Six dollars and ten cents. That’s how much last week’s paycheck was.
Uncool.
I looked at the itemized listing and it said I had 80 hours of unpaid time, plus six dollars and ten cents for travel reimbursement I had been chasing down a problem a few weeks back. I managed to get a hold of someone in payroll and they thought I was still out. Doh! So, I managed to get them sorted out with the benefits guy who had my letter from Dr. O sending me back to work. They are supposed to be mailing a check to me...making up the past 2.5 weeks. If my tax returns hadn’t come in this past week, I’d be getting a little low...although not that low. It’s nice to know, though, that things will hopefully be returning somewhat to normal. Unfortunately, since my paycheck had no money in it, I will again have to send in a check to my 401k loan. Hopefully they don’t default me on this due to the stupid error.
Speaking of stupid, I forgot to call my mom for her birthday yesterday, and tonight when I remembered as I was heading out of the office, it was well past 10pm her time. Tomorrow, I promise.
Uncool.
I looked at the itemized listing and it said I had 80 hours of unpaid time, plus six dollars and ten cents for travel reimbursement I had been chasing down a problem a few weeks back. I managed to get a hold of someone in payroll and they thought I was still out. Doh! So, I managed to get them sorted out with the benefits guy who had my letter from Dr. O sending me back to work. They are supposed to be mailing a check to me...making up the past 2.5 weeks. If my tax returns hadn’t come in this past week, I’d be getting a little low...although not that low. It’s nice to know, though, that things will hopefully be returning somewhat to normal. Unfortunately, since my paycheck had no money in it, I will again have to send in a check to my 401k loan. Hopefully they don’t default me on this due to the stupid error.
Speaking of stupid, I forgot to call my mom for her birthday yesterday, and tonight when I remembered as I was heading out of the office, it was well past 10pm her time. Tomorrow, I promise.
That's what friends do
I was on my way to the city last night to see KateW and her mom in the Cocoon House, when this guy in a truck on the freeway cuts right in front of me. You’d think I would be used to it because they do it to me every time I’m out on the freeway....but nooooo....I still get upset. I gave him a dirty look as I went by him....but he never saw me.
Do you ever notice that when someone you don’t know does something very annoying to you, you feel this horrible disgust for them...but when it’s a friend, you just let it slide. It’s always different for friends compared to others we don’t know, but then again, that’s why they’re our friends, right?
After saying “hi” to a much improved KateW and her mom still in very good spirits, I went over to have a little talk with a friend. Ms. Friend has been going through a rough period with finances and some of the ugly side--effects of GID, so I went up to talk to her about her situation. That’s what friends are for.
We talked over salads and a pizza, discussing her different options if she runs out of money while unemployed. She has a few opportunities coming up, but because it takes a while for money to start coming in once you do get a job, I was especially worried about her short term situation. She also said that a few other friends had called her with different possibilities, so she does have a few options if things do not go well. I told her I could let her stay at my place, but there wouldn’t be that much room.
Her transition has progressed fairly well, and she seems to have done well in her past year, but there are still a number of residual items to work out when you transition so fast. I was also worried about her well-being since it’s hard enough in this world being unemployed, let alone being a transsexual who has lost, hopefully only in the short-term, some of those dear to her. It’s also hard being alone in this world. I know.
When I was in a large store having some recent pictures developed, there was a person at the door asking for donations for some charity. I didn’t give. I felt bad. I’ve become much more self-centered in my journey. I’ve worked fairly hard for my money, gave up 10 years of my life just trying to be a man earning a decent wage, and now I’m using that money to finally be me. I didn’t give to the woman at the store, but I do give to friends. I bought my friend’s dinner and made her take home the leftover pizza because that’s what friends do.
Do you ever notice that when someone you don’t know does something very annoying to you, you feel this horrible disgust for them...but when it’s a friend, you just let it slide. It’s always different for friends compared to others we don’t know, but then again, that’s why they’re our friends, right?
After saying “hi” to a much improved KateW and her mom still in very good spirits, I went over to have a little talk with a friend. Ms. Friend has been going through a rough period with finances and some of the ugly side--effects of GID, so I went up to talk to her about her situation. That’s what friends are for.
We talked over salads and a pizza, discussing her different options if she runs out of money while unemployed. She has a few opportunities coming up, but because it takes a while for money to start coming in once you do get a job, I was especially worried about her short term situation. She also said that a few other friends had called her with different possibilities, so she does have a few options if things do not go well. I told her I could let her stay at my place, but there wouldn’t be that much room.
Her transition has progressed fairly well, and she seems to have done well in her past year, but there are still a number of residual items to work out when you transition so fast. I was also worried about her well-being since it’s hard enough in this world being unemployed, let alone being a transsexual who has lost, hopefully only in the short-term, some of those dear to her. It’s also hard being alone in this world. I know.
When I was in a large store having some recent pictures developed, there was a person at the door asking for donations for some charity. I didn’t give. I felt bad. I’ve become much more self-centered in my journey. I’ve worked fairly hard for my money, gave up 10 years of my life just trying to be a man earning a decent wage, and now I’m using that money to finally be me. I didn’t give to the woman at the store, but I do give to friends. I bought my friend’s dinner and made her take home the leftover pizza because that’s what friends do.
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Trouble
I’m usually one to do things strictly by the book, especially when it comes to my health. Well, this weekend, I didn’t. So sue me.
Dr. O and Mira state waiting 3 months after FFS before returning to electrolysis or laser. Unofficially, it’s been stated that no one has had any trouble beyond 2 months.
I have a lot of things going for me...I’m short, I’m fairly thin (although still quite muscular), I still have most of the hair on top of my head, I have a decent job to afford FFS and SRS, I have parents that still love me through my transition, and I live in one of the best areas of the world in which to transition. One of the biggest detractors from my transition, though, is my facial hair. I have very coarse, dark persistent facial hair. I spent the first 150 hours basically thinning the stuff because I didn’t want people at work noticing tracks of hair that were missing after an electrolysis session. I didn’t start stripping the areas until I felt that the remaining shadow was light enough. That was over 100 hours ago and I still have a ton of hair. And, of course, not being able to have electrolysis the two weeks prior to FFS and three months after is hard to deal with when you’re trying to move on with your life. So, I talked to my electrologist about my situation. I told her I was ready to come back this week, 6.5 weeks after FFS. I asked her to turn the power down to minimal and to not “dig”, which she sometimes has to do to get some of those nasty little boogers out. Since she works with strictly galvanic power, she said I should be fine. We’d take the normal sanitary precautions, and if there were any bad reactions, we’d stop.
So, yesterday, I had 1.5 hours of electrolysis across the upper lip and under the lower lip. Ahhhhh! Finally, less hair. It’s pretty dense right now, though, so it’s still going to take a while before we start clearing in 4 hours again. Yes, 4 hours. That’s the lowest I have been on full clearing time....or, well, mostly clearing.
Yes, I’m breaking the rules. So be it. I’m taking my chances. It’s my life, my face, and my skin. I’m taking full responsibility for my actions. I know the risks, but I need the hair gone. I need a life. I want to be able to go out into the world. I don’t want some guy to see me from a distance, approach me, then beat the crap out of me when he sees my facial hair. That’s not a good situation.
So, don’t do as I do...do as they recommend and wait. Most people will wait, simply because they hopefully won’t have the persistent hair that I have, or they will have taken care of all of it before going through FFS.
So, after electro yesterday, I had lunch with Brooke. Wow, she can really pig out. The girl is skinny as a rail with a bottomless stomach, and keeping up with Ms. Jones is basically impossible. I had a doggie bag. She didn’t.
I cruised up to see the visiting KateW from the UK who had her FFS this past week. Claire and Amber were already at the Cocoon House when I arrived. KateW was 4 days post-op and looking pretty good. She still had the nose packing in, which came out earlier today, and was very woozy from the entire affair. She mentioned that she didn’t have much recollection of the past four days. We asked her if she remembered Claire visiting her the first night, and she said she only remembered her being there. I asked her if she remembered my visit, and she basically looked at me as though I was kidding. I asked her if she remembered us taking a lap around the ward. Ahhh...that caught her memory. She said she did remember it, but only when I brought it up. That is one of the nice things about the pain killers...you don’t really remember much from the entire event.
Anyway, after visiting with KateW, I had dinner with Amy, Amber, and Claire....yep, those three again. Trouble follows them around...well, at least that’s what they like to call me.
Anyway, I’m tired. I think I ate something bad yesterday as my stomach has been feeling woozy since the middle of last night.
Dr. O and Mira state waiting 3 months after FFS before returning to electrolysis or laser. Unofficially, it’s been stated that no one has had any trouble beyond 2 months.
I have a lot of things going for me...I’m short, I’m fairly thin (although still quite muscular), I still have most of the hair on top of my head, I have a decent job to afford FFS and SRS, I have parents that still love me through my transition, and I live in one of the best areas of the world in which to transition. One of the biggest detractors from my transition, though, is my facial hair. I have very coarse, dark persistent facial hair. I spent the first 150 hours basically thinning the stuff because I didn’t want people at work noticing tracks of hair that were missing after an electrolysis session. I didn’t start stripping the areas until I felt that the remaining shadow was light enough. That was over 100 hours ago and I still have a ton of hair. And, of course, not being able to have electrolysis the two weeks prior to FFS and three months after is hard to deal with when you’re trying to move on with your life. So, I talked to my electrologist about my situation. I told her I was ready to come back this week, 6.5 weeks after FFS. I asked her to turn the power down to minimal and to not “dig”, which she sometimes has to do to get some of those nasty little boogers out. Since she works with strictly galvanic power, she said I should be fine. We’d take the normal sanitary precautions, and if there were any bad reactions, we’d stop.
So, yesterday, I had 1.5 hours of electrolysis across the upper lip and under the lower lip. Ahhhhh! Finally, less hair. It’s pretty dense right now, though, so it’s still going to take a while before we start clearing in 4 hours again. Yes, 4 hours. That’s the lowest I have been on full clearing time....or, well, mostly clearing.
Yes, I’m breaking the rules. So be it. I’m taking my chances. It’s my life, my face, and my skin. I’m taking full responsibility for my actions. I know the risks, but I need the hair gone. I need a life. I want to be able to go out into the world. I don’t want some guy to see me from a distance, approach me, then beat the crap out of me when he sees my facial hair. That’s not a good situation.
So, don’t do as I do...do as they recommend and wait. Most people will wait, simply because they hopefully won’t have the persistent hair that I have, or they will have taken care of all of it before going through FFS.
So, after electro yesterday, I had lunch with Brooke. Wow, she can really pig out. The girl is skinny as a rail with a bottomless stomach, and keeping up with Ms. Jones is basically impossible. I had a doggie bag. She didn’t.
I cruised up to see the visiting KateW from the UK who had her FFS this past week. Claire and Amber were already at the Cocoon House when I arrived. KateW was 4 days post-op and looking pretty good. She still had the nose packing in, which came out earlier today, and was very woozy from the entire affair. She mentioned that she didn’t have much recollection of the past four days. We asked her if she remembered Claire visiting her the first night, and she said she only remembered her being there. I asked her if she remembered my visit, and she basically looked at me as though I was kidding. I asked her if she remembered us taking a lap around the ward. Ahhh...that caught her memory. She said she did remember it, but only when I brought it up. That is one of the nice things about the pain killers...you don’t really remember much from the entire event.
Anyway, after visiting with KateW, I had dinner with Amy, Amber, and Claire....yep, those three again. Trouble follows them around...well, at least that’s what they like to call me.
Anyway, I’m tired. I think I ate something bad yesterday as my stomach has been feeling woozy since the middle of last night.
Friday, April 02, 2004
Adding things up
It’s basically been over a week since I wrote in here, but I guess you could say I haven’t had that much new to say. Well, just nothing major to say, so maybe as separate items they were small, but together they all add up.
This past weekend, I put a note up on an FTM board that I was ditching all of my guy clothes and if anyone was interested in some of the clothes, they’d better get a hold of me soon. Bobby, who I met during the Cotillion, gave me a call and stopped by Saturday afternoon. He picked up some ties and a few shirts, but otherwise we just kinda sat around and chatted for 4 hours. We had some pretty good conversations, including a hypothetical situation:
So, Bobby, what if they could switch our genetics around and I could give you my Y and you could give me one of your X’s, but in doing so, you’d now be half white, half asian (Bobby is Chinese). Would you do it to be genetically male, yet also be half-asian and half-white?
He said “No.” He’d rather be an FTM with his original ancestry than a genetic guy without it. I told him I’d have no problem being a half-asian/half-white genetic woman, instead of a white MTF. I’d be ok with any race, just to get rid of the GID.
The following day, last Sunday, I hung out with Claire and Amber in the city, then met Amy, Rachel, KateW from the UK, and KateW’s mom. We ate some thick pizza over at Zachary’s again and talked about KateW’s upcoming FFS. As I mentioned a few things that I had gone through with my recent surgery, such as the depression about 2 weeks after it, she said she'd read my journal and was prepared to deal with it if it came up.
I stopped by to see her in the hospital Wednesday night. Yep, train wreck, but she was doing pretty good. She didn’t have much bruising, except for a little under the eyes, and she was quite mobile. Claire had visited the previous night and told me that KateW was quite coherent. KateW said she remembered a little from the previous night, but not much. I told her she probably wouldn’t remember much from my visit as well, and that her memories would probably be more vague than sharp.
Claire mentioned that KateW had thrown up blood at least once before she visited and that it appeared Kate’s already made it through the worst of it. Kate was still fighting through some of the remnants of having a catheter when I visited, but hopefully she got all of that worked out. Yes, people do have discomforts they have to work through with surgery/FFS, but I guess I got fairly lucky with my first two nights in the hospital. But since the drugs have a memory loss associated with their use, you don’t really remember much of the discomforts.
Claire and I had dinner after my visit. She’s still working through some of the facets of her transition, so it was good to talk to her about it. Claire has come a long way over the past year, and her essence has really shown through.
The following morning, I got up early to meet the owner of one of my main vendors for coffee, although HE was the only one drinking coffee. We talked a bit about my transition and how things were going with it. He also talked a little about his own family, and how they’d all dealt with some of the dynamics of a particular situation. I think a lot of people are afraid to admit that they are seeing a therapist, but once people know about my transition, and the accompanying details such as my own therapist visits, people seem to open up to me on occasion to talk about their own little secrets.
He also asked about how things were going at work, which many people ask me, and I simply say that things are going pretty good....quite nonchalant, in fact. I told him about my therapist’s 5-90-5 rule, with 5% really supportive, 90% not caring, and 5% morally opposed, and that I’d run across the good 5 and the non-caring 90, but hadn’t seen the bad 5 yet. I told him they usually come out later on, and I’m sure that they are around....somewhere.
Tonite, Amber drove over to just kinda hang out. We ate some Japanese food, her some soup and sushi, while I downed some Rock N Roll (grilled eel), a Chicken Roll, and a regular California Roll (sorta-crab with avocado). Again, we talked about different aspects of our lives. Doesn’t all of this seem very Seinfield-esque? I once joked with some friends that there was a new reality show coming out called Sex and TSity about 4 transsexuals who lived in San Francisco who talked about sex and life, but never really did anything but sit around and eat. They all laughed at the reality of the situation.
Anyway, after dinner, I remembered that one of my friends was working her usual Friday routine as a bartender in a local bar. We walked a few blocks to the place, then, after spotting Kathy at the bar, sat down right next to her. Kathy only noticed that someone was moving to the seats she had her coat on and promptly moved it as we approached. Julie grabbed two napkins and went into her little speech about her already announcing last call, but that she could get us something if we liked. She looked right at me for a second, then went, “OMG, I didn’t even recognize you.” Kathy basically said the same thing when she noticed Julie’s response.
We all chatted for a while about my recovery, our different jobs, how I was obsessing over my nose, and the program Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, with Julie’s boyfriend telling us how he shaves his face after having watched the program. I’d met Julie’s boyfriend before about 3 months ago when I was still presenting as a guy, and wasn’t sure how he would react, but he seemed fairly ok with the entire event. And like I said, he was very social in the discussion about his face shaving.
Little milestones this past week included new bank checks, a new name plaque, new business cards, and my new bank card. Cool....but I still have a ton of name change items to work on.
Anyway, I think I’m caught up...off to bed
This past weekend, I put a note up on an FTM board that I was ditching all of my guy clothes and if anyone was interested in some of the clothes, they’d better get a hold of me soon. Bobby, who I met during the Cotillion, gave me a call and stopped by Saturday afternoon. He picked up some ties and a few shirts, but otherwise we just kinda sat around and chatted for 4 hours. We had some pretty good conversations, including a hypothetical situation:
So, Bobby, what if they could switch our genetics around and I could give you my Y and you could give me one of your X’s, but in doing so, you’d now be half white, half asian (Bobby is Chinese). Would you do it to be genetically male, yet also be half-asian and half-white?
He said “No.” He’d rather be an FTM with his original ancestry than a genetic guy without it. I told him I’d have no problem being a half-asian/half-white genetic woman, instead of a white MTF. I’d be ok with any race, just to get rid of the GID.
The following day, last Sunday, I hung out with Claire and Amber in the city, then met Amy, Rachel, KateW from the UK, and KateW’s mom. We ate some thick pizza over at Zachary’s again and talked about KateW’s upcoming FFS. As I mentioned a few things that I had gone through with my recent surgery, such as the depression about 2 weeks after it, she said she'd read my journal and was prepared to deal with it if it came up.
I stopped by to see her in the hospital Wednesday night. Yep, train wreck, but she was doing pretty good. She didn’t have much bruising, except for a little under the eyes, and she was quite mobile. Claire had visited the previous night and told me that KateW was quite coherent. KateW said she remembered a little from the previous night, but not much. I told her she probably wouldn’t remember much from my visit as well, and that her memories would probably be more vague than sharp.
Claire mentioned that KateW had thrown up blood at least once before she visited and that it appeared Kate’s already made it through the worst of it. Kate was still fighting through some of the remnants of having a catheter when I visited, but hopefully she got all of that worked out. Yes, people do have discomforts they have to work through with surgery/FFS, but I guess I got fairly lucky with my first two nights in the hospital. But since the drugs have a memory loss associated with their use, you don’t really remember much of the discomforts.
Claire and I had dinner after my visit. She’s still working through some of the facets of her transition, so it was good to talk to her about it. Claire has come a long way over the past year, and her essence has really shown through.
The following morning, I got up early to meet the owner of one of my main vendors for coffee, although HE was the only one drinking coffee. We talked a bit about my transition and how things were going with it. He also talked a little about his own family, and how they’d all dealt with some of the dynamics of a particular situation. I think a lot of people are afraid to admit that they are seeing a therapist, but once people know about my transition, and the accompanying details such as my own therapist visits, people seem to open up to me on occasion to talk about their own little secrets.
He also asked about how things were going at work, which many people ask me, and I simply say that things are going pretty good....quite nonchalant, in fact. I told him about my therapist’s 5-90-5 rule, with 5% really supportive, 90% not caring, and 5% morally opposed, and that I’d run across the good 5 and the non-caring 90, but hadn’t seen the bad 5 yet. I told him they usually come out later on, and I’m sure that they are around....somewhere.
Tonite, Amber drove over to just kinda hang out. We ate some Japanese food, her some soup and sushi, while I downed some Rock N Roll (grilled eel), a Chicken Roll, and a regular California Roll (sorta-crab with avocado). Again, we talked about different aspects of our lives. Doesn’t all of this seem very Seinfield-esque? I once joked with some friends that there was a new reality show coming out called Sex and TSity about 4 transsexuals who lived in San Francisco who talked about sex and life, but never really did anything but sit around and eat. They all laughed at the reality of the situation.
Anyway, after dinner, I remembered that one of my friends was working her usual Friday routine as a bartender in a local bar. We walked a few blocks to the place, then, after spotting Kathy at the bar, sat down right next to her. Kathy only noticed that someone was moving to the seats she had her coat on and promptly moved it as we approached. Julie grabbed two napkins and went into her little speech about her already announcing last call, but that she could get us something if we liked. She looked right at me for a second, then went, “OMG, I didn’t even recognize you.” Kathy basically said the same thing when she noticed Julie’s response.
We all chatted for a while about my recovery, our different jobs, how I was obsessing over my nose, and the program Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, with Julie’s boyfriend telling us how he shaves his face after having watched the program. I’d met Julie’s boyfriend before about 3 months ago when I was still presenting as a guy, and wasn’t sure how he would react, but he seemed fairly ok with the entire event. And like I said, he was very social in the discussion about his face shaving.
Little milestones this past week included new bank checks, a new name plaque, new business cards, and my new bank card. Cool....but I still have a ton of name change items to work on.
Anyway, I think I’m caught up...off to bed
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