Out and about with Courtney

Saturday - November 1, 2003

Yesterday morning, Courtney and I caught breakfast at IHOP. She pigged out on her favorite, chocolate chip pancakes. I did the same, except with some blueberry waffles.

After that, I went to a make up class for the two dance classes I missed this week. Whew, it was hard catching up on the items I’d missed. Courtney caught the end of our class and watched me mess up a bunch. Oh well.

We chilled after that. Later, we started preparing for the night by getting our Halloween costumes on. Courtney was a sexy nurse and I was the vampiress, like I was last weekend. Hey, why spend that much money on a costume once, when I can wear it twice?

After sitting around forever, Brandon called to let us know that Vaniity and Sam wouldn’t be making it up since there were some problems with the costumes. Brandon said he was headed up, though. We met him at one of the exits along the freeway, then drove up to the city together. Brandon looked awesome with his vampire prosthetic since he looked like he was right out of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. We spent a few hours at Diva’s since it was too cold to hang out in the Castro. They had a costume contest which all three of us participated in. Court and Brandon made the final cut, with Brandon taking the overall prize. They definitely loved his outfit.

This morning, I went for a run with Boobers. My roomie is out of town, so I’m watching her until Monday. After the run, Courtney and I caught a quick lunch and decided to do a little sight seeing. We drove along Ocean Beach, past the Cliff House, through the Presidio, then across the Golden Gate Bridge. We decided to take a fun little picture similar to a popular one that had been on GenderPeace. We had purchased fun little sunglasses and brought along our blue Dr. O pens. We asked a guy to take a picture while we held up the pens in one hand and mobile phones up to our ears with the other hand, with the Golden Gate Bridge in the background. After that, we drove up into the headlands and took a few more scenic pictures of the city and the bridge. (It was a GP gag.)

After that, we decided to waste a little time by going shopping and headed for Nordstrom Rack. As we were driving down Van Ness, we saw Tyler and Claire. What a coincidence. We yelled at them, but they didn’t hear us. I circled around, but we didn’t see them, so we just parked. I called up Claire as we were walking across Van Ness. I told her we were still at the bridge and wondered where they were. After finding out, we sneaked in and surprised them. Tyler was out looking for a new phone, and after finding one, we made our way to the Korean restaurant. Claire felt uncomfortable with a few of the people who she thought were staring at her, but they were harmless. We enjoyed some fabulous Korean BBQ, though.

Courtney crashes again

It’s late, and Courtney is, yet again, crashed on my bed. Too many Long Island Ice Tea’s.

This morning we stopped by the Cocoon House to look around, then visited Dr. O’s office again so I could view before and after slides of girls who have gone through his FFS. Courtney and I looked through the book and noted the different procedures. Some looked like women...and....some looked feminine, yet still not quite as well as I would like to look. He’s the best in the business, though, and since I am fairly lean in my face, I think he’ll be able to do some pretty good work....well, I hope he can. I put down the deposit and scheduled my surgery for the end of January. What a way to watch the Superbowl, huh?

Claire met us at the office as well. I decided to take them down to Noe Valley for lunch so they could see some of the area around the Cocoon House. After finding a parking spot, we walked down to the restaurants. As we walked along, there were a number of guys just sitting along the sidewalk area at one establishment. They did the leering thing, which made all three of us feel uncomfortable. Anyway, we had a nice economical lunch at a local Chinese restaurant.

I had scheduled voice therapy since I knew I would be off work a little this week. So, they dropped me off then took my car to do a little shopping. The voice therapist and I went over some different ways to work on my voice. She was impressed with my overall range, but the voice still needs a lot of work.

Court and Claire picked me up two hours later, then we grabbed a little ice cream. After that, we dropped Claire off then cruised home to get ready for tonight.

We had reservations for 8pm at AsiaSF. My two roomies, Courtney, and I crammed into my car and cruised up to the city. We were early and waited as the rest of the group showed up. After a while, Aaron, Devonna and her husband, Brandon, Sam, and Vaniity (yes, that's how she spells her name now) finally made their way to the restaurant. We enjoyed some pretty decent food, some lovely Tgirl waitresses, and the hourly shows. I will have to admit, Brandon and Courtney looked pretty good together. As you know, Courtney had a few too many...and since it’s late, I’m headed to bed again.

Courtney crashes

I was planning to work the entire day today since I had my meeting at 9am, and a rather important meeting at 2pm...and I don’t have that much vacation time built up. When I arrived at work, I found out the 2pm meeting had been canceled, so after finishing the work that I needed to get done, I took the afternoon off.

Courtney and I were able to get some fast shopping done. Courtney suggested some prenatal vitamins since my therapist had mentioned for me to start taking a multi-vitamin. I looked at the contents and noted that there is no potassium in them....good, because it’s not recommended while taking spiro. We then came back home to get ready for dinner with the other GenderPeacers. I wore a simple little top and jeans, with my jacket from Nordstrom’s Rack, and my new purse from Macy’s. Courtney and I were able to find parking nearby and were early to dinner at Fino’s. We waited for a while until JoanB showed up, with Tyler not too far behind her. Claire was running a little late, so we decided to be seated and just wait on her from there.

I had angel hair pasta with tomatoes and garlic for dinner. I liked it. The conversation was even better. Courtney started feeling a little happy between her 2nd and 3rd Long Island Ice Tea and made Claire blush when we got on the subject of “exercising”.

I also told the rest of them that I think I had finally decided on my name. Courtney continued to call Scooby a "he" because she thought the name Scooby was a boy name, even though she was presented with a girl dog. My mom couldn’t get past calling Scooby "he" either, and I was always correcting her as well. So, with that, I know I will be going with Kara instead of trying to use the female version of my own name. Now, it’s just picking out a middle name.

Well, Courtney crashed on my bed earlier, and it’s getting late, so I’m off to sleep.

Courtney arrives

Yesterday was pretty packed. I took an early lunch yesterday and went to a book signing of one of my favorite authors. It was so cool finally meeting him in person. He signed a few of my books, then off I went back to work.

After that, I spent a few hours at work trying to get everything done but all I could think about was Courtney arriving later that afternoon. I tracked her flight online to make sure it wasn’t delayed, then headed for the airport. I parked in the short term parking, then hiked over to the baggage area. Right when I made it up to that area, I saw a large crowd had just begun flowing down the stairs. I looked at the current crowd, then flowed with them while checking the group ahead of me as they moved toward her airline’s baggage claim. I circled around the stairs since I didn’t see her, and as I re-approached the stairs, I saw her....a tall blond girl wearing a comfy T-shirt and baggy jeans carrying a backpack.

She didn’t see me as I approached her from behind. She was still considerably ahead of me but I reached her at the baggage claim. I tried calling her number just to be a smart ass, but it didn’t go through, so I just whispered her name. She slowly turned to see who I was.

We hugged.

We dropped her stuff off at my place, then did some brief shopping as we waited for Brandon to make his way up for dinner. She was starving since it was rather late for her. We met Brandon at TGIFridays for dinner about 8pm our time, then crashed back at my place. Since I have a queen sized bed, Courtney and I just slept in it instead of forcing someone to take the couch. I was worried at first since she is rather tall and might “push” me out of bed, but it worked out fine.

This morning, I got up early and went for over 3 hours of electro. After we were done, I met a TS named Rachel who was having “down below” worked on. She looked great...maybe a few inches taller than me, slim, not overly muscular, and a cute face with nice hair. Some of my electrologist’s clients aren’t involved with the T community that much, and simply just get to where they need to be without really making many TS friends. This was one such girl. She had a great GG support group, and was getting to where she needed to be.

Sometimes people ask me why I have my stuff on the web. I guess I am one of those that just likes to help people. I never found any good sites while I was trying to figure all of this TS stuff out, and not until recently have I seen some good ones pop up. If I can add my own story of an early 30 something TS making her way through transition, then maybe someone else down the road will have something to get them through their own journey. Plus, my family and friends can learn a little more about the person they think they never really knew. Some think I have lied to them for a long time...and in a way, I have, but it was to protect them and myself from the rough cruelty that society inflicts on those that are different.

Anyway...back off tangent. After electro, Courtney and I drove up to the city for her to get her X-rays. We stopped off at In-N-Out on the way there, barely making it to the appointment on time. As soon as we walked in, I spotted another TS friend from the young TS group I’ve been to a few times. The girl is like 22, skinny as a rail, and has a father that is going to pay for FFS. Whew, lucky girl. We chatted for a little while, and after getting her X rays, convinced her to look at them before heading over to Dr. O’s. I told her that her bone structure looked a lot like mine and quoted her a price near $40k, but she was hoping for something far less. Between the time Claudia left and Courtney had her X-rays, I was only able to read about 2-3 pages of Middlesex. And people wonder why it takes me so long to read books.

After that, we headed over to Dr. O’s, and like myself before, she got in a little early. I finished a few more pages before Claudia and I struck up another conversation after her consult. My quotation came out about right, and she was a little disappointed. We talked a little more about where she was in her journey, and what the future held for her. I envy her. She’s young and is just finishing college, with a financially-supportive father.

Courtney joined us after her consult with a dollar figure just barely above mine. It appears he raised the rate on two items between our two consultations. We took the conversation rather late in the office waiting area, and I think at one point they were gradually trying to get us to leave.

We grabbed some pizza tonight at one of the local pizza shops. I finally got her to try artichokes on her pizza. She said she wasn’t that impressed, but at least she tried them.

TGSF Halloween Party

The TGSF Halloween Party was last night, with me going as a vampiress. Brandon enlightened me on where to find some kick ass fangs via www.screamteam.com. I also was able to piece together a little bit of a dark, sexy outfit....sorta Underworld meets Matrix...with the jacket and fangs getting the most attention. Brooke and I both went over together, and I crashed at her place after we were done since I had electrolysis this morning. I was able to get in 3 hours yesterday and 2 this morning.

Anyway, as Brooke, Michelle, and I were standing around outside on the balcony during the party, I saw a falling star behind them. I told them I just saw it, and that I’m living my wishes from a long time in the past. I told them it was a thing that came up plenty in my past, and they said the same thing. Anytime “wishing opportunities” came up in the past, usually “fixing the GID thing in some manner or another” was right there at the top of the list. This ranged from birthday wishes, wishbones, and shooting stars...especially shooting stars.

On the way over, Brooke mentioned that she was finally noticing breast nodules under her nipples. She says because she doesn’t feel pain (I think I mentioned her bike accident before) that she really hadn’t noticed the breasts starting to grow, but that she had felt a little twinge when she bumped it the wrong way. She mentioned the “I’m actually doing this” feeling I’ve also experienced lately. When we ran into Rachel at the party, we talked a little more about her upcoming SRS in January and she too mentioned the same thing, except she’s at a stage quite a ways further down. And, of course, I’m having the same feelings with going full time early in 2004 and having FFS as well.

As we were cleaning up after the party was finished, I stood on a chair and reached up to take down one of the decorations. At that point, I fell out of my tube top. Whoops! Hmm....I’ll have to watch that a little closer next time.

A transsexual walks into a bar. Bartender says...

Kathy called me at work late tonight as I was putting in quite a few extra hours. She sounded like she was in a small room because her voice was resonating. She asks me if I know a local TS and I tell her I do. She says that she is hanging out with two of our friends at the bar one of them works at, and that the TS is at the bar talking with all of them. Kathy is definitely excited while talking to me. I, on the other hand, can’t believe they ran into one another. Kathy is quite joyful and tells me she’s glad I picked up. She was worried I was at electrolysis and not able to talk to her about the current situation. She said our two friends were doing quite well with the TS.

Kathy called me later tonight after I had made it home and told me that our two friends did awesome, and that they were still calling the TS “her” after she left. I guess my TS friend mentioned quite a few things with transition, but never quite fully came out that she was a transsexual. I guess Kathy and her got into a conversation about the whole transition thing. Kathy asked if she had read Millie’s book, how her family was taking it, and if her employer was OK with it all. Since Kathy had met Marina earlier this year, she used Marina as her source of information into the transgender world, and not my name. Our two friends were impressed, and of course inquired more about Marina.

Anyway, Kathy thought our two friends would do OK with my situation. I told her that it’s much easier to meet someone after they have transitioned than a person they knew as one sex changing to another.....but it’s definitely encouraging based on the events from tonight. I told her we just have a few more months to go before we’ll find out.

Vendor

I was in yet another meeting with a vendor this morning, when she tells me she will be taking a trip to the company I used to work for. She's going there to discuss business and sales stuff.

Unfortunately, I'm out to my old employer...and since it's in a small town in middle America, not all of them responded well. Because my vendor knows that I used to work there, she will probably bring my name up to people that know about me. With the statewide non-discrimination policy going into effect Jan 1, and full time status looming on the horizon, I’m just not going to get this close and have it all taken away from me. Yeah, I'm being totally pessimistic about my job, but you have to walk side by side with reality.

Should I come out to her before she visits my old company, or should I tell my former company to please not mention the TS stuff? My fear is that one of my former co-workers will mention it, and then she would not have heard it directly from me, at which point I am afraid that the news will travel back to my current company.

Well, after talking to Susan this afternoon and Jamie at my old company, they both said what I was thinking....come clean to her because it's going to be harder to shut all of my old coworkers up if my name is mentioned during her visit.

So, I called her late this afternoon and told her I was a transsexual.

She laughed.

I said, "I'm serious."

She said, "You're kidding me."

I said, "no."

She apologized for laughing and then we had a short conversation on the situation. She understood and said she would keep it to herself.

I hate telling people in person, or over the phone. I just don't get good reactions. People need their space when reacting to this situation, and telling them in person just doesn’t give them the room they need to come to grips with it. I prefer telling people via a letter or email, which allows them to respond in any initial manner they choose without hurting me, or thinking that they are hurting me.

What's even worse is when they think I am kidding. I guess I am just doing the guy thing too well. It would be nice once in a while if they would say "oh, yeah, we knew...we were just waiting for you to feel comfortable enough to tell us." Oh well, I guess the positive side is I'm still doing well at acting like a man.