Puissance

Amber, Amy, and I went to the Vagina Monologues in Napa yesterday. It was a nice little theatre (the Napa Valley Opera House) that, from the program book, had been restored from once horrible conditions. I was really impressed with the nice facility. Unfortunately, I think I was less impressed with the Vagina Monologues, even though it does talk about how powerful a woman and her vagina can be. In February of this year, there was a special transgender version of the Vagina Monologues presented in LA by Andrea James and Calpernica Addams. Several of my friends attended said event, but I, however, was laid up in the Cocoon House recovering from FFS. So, this was my chance to catch a glimpse of what I missed…although I knew it wouldn’t come close to the presentation in LA. We missed about the first 10-15 minutes, and since I don’t have a vagina yet, I couldn’t quite relate on many of the topics. I was almost as clueless as the large older gentleman sitting in the seat next to me and hogging a portion of both my elbow and leg space. Luckily, Amber, who's smaller than me, was sitting to my left, which allowed me to lean a little to her side in order to escape the impending man and to see past the hairdo on the woman sitting in front of me. Don’t worry, I’m usually cursed with that…I’m used to it…especially since I’m short.

So, why were we late? Well, on the way there we had a hell of a time. First, we ran into a back up on the first bridge. In trying to go around it, we kinda got on to side streets that didn’t quite go where we were hoping to go, followed by street repairs and closures on streets we did want to take. We ran into more traffic before we picked up Amy and ate a fast lunch. On the bridge before the Napa exit, we ran into a 4 mile back up before the toll booths. It’s incredible…the traffic is worse on the weekends than it is on the weekdays. Even when we finally reached the street to turn on in Napa, we found the bridge was out forcing us to go another block north.

Anyway, that gave us a little extra time in the car. When it was just Amber and I, she asked me what my expectations are with SRS. Well, for me, I thought it was the last little link on the chain holding me back from the rest of my life, but I wanted to ponder a little more of this question. What ARE my expectations?

I expect…
…to have a vaginal cavity capable of having sex.
…to have pants and undies fit a lot better.
…to go swimming in a bathing suit.
…to ride my bike without Jr. in the way.
…to dilate for the rest of my life.
…to not worry about tucking anymore.
…to douche.
…to have complications of some sort.
…to still have people freaked out about who I used to be.
…to have people still use male pronouns.
…to stop taking spironolactone.
…to sit down to pee for the rest of my life.
…to laugh.
…to cry.
…to ponder.
…to move on with my life.
…to not be afraid of someone finding out I have a penis.
…to be over the vast majority of GID.
…to love.
…to have sex.
…to run and race again.
…to be basically the same person.
…to be me.
…to live.