Books

Last week I traveled with coworkers Robi and Pete to a vendor. On the way back, we dropped Robi off in San Francisco. She wanted me to drop off her library book since it was due then and she had forgotten to drop it off. So, I said sure. As she was handing it to me, Pete asks what the book is about. She says it is called ‘Middlesex’ (alarm bells were going off in my brain) and it was about a hermaphrodite (no need for me to correct them on the now PC term...intersexed). Pete, who usually seems very open minded, goes “eeeeewwwwww!” and acts as though he is doing the heeber jeebers. So, since Pete is driving, I take the book and look at the inner cover. I start reading the synopsis to Pete as we are driving back. He goes “eeeewwww” again and does his squirming, but then says “ok, continue” after I paused for a second. I asked him what the big deal was...it was just a story about a hermaphrodite and the history of his genetics thru his past. Then I hit him with the line from my therapist: “If sexual orientation is so non-bi-polar, why should we think gender would be any different?”

“Huh? Say that again,” responds Pete.

So, I re-Peted myself. (Hah, see how easy I amuse myself!)

Thoroughly impressed by my remark, Pete responds “That’s very open minded of you.”

I think I would have totally freaked him out right there if I had said “If you think the book freaks you out, how about the transsexual you’re riding with?”....but it was just a thought running through my brain.

Money, money, money...take 4

I was a very happy person today. We found out our bonus amount. Mine came out to 6% of my annual salary. Sweet!!! The check is being issued on Tuesday. Every little bit helps on this journey, and this will help quite a bit in the electrolysis section, as well as the impending Dr. O down payment.

Money, money, money...take 5

I put together a summary of my financial situation for Brooke to look at. She’s an expert with finances, so she is going to provide a little analysis of my current state of things. I finally located the info on my old 401k account and found that it has been sitting in some low interest stable fund for the past year. Uncool, but I will be able to switch it into a better fund later this year.

The Roads We Take

After the run on Sunday, I went out to a park by the bay and read a little poetry. I’ve always been a fan of Robert Frost, and my parents got me a huge book of his work last Christmas. Lauren, an internet friend, wanted me to take some pictures of the bay while I was out there, so I decided to take a few, and share....and perhaps a little poetry to go along with them.

The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Food and football

I had another 4 hours of electrolysis this weekend. We took out most of the cheeks which is really starting to take out most of the shadow. Unfortunately, I also look like a chipmunk.

I went with Brooke and Susan to a TS picnic yesterday in San Jose. Supposedly the BBQ has become an annual event, sort of a homecoming, for a lot of the TS in the South Bay area. Unfortunately, Brooke and I were clearly the youngest ones there. Some of the usual freakies showed up, but a lot of the nice regulars were there as well. From the TS that were there, I thought only one passed as a GG, the rest had just transitioned too late in the ball game or had done too many surgeries that they no longer looked natural. Being TS isn’t easy, and I realize that no matter what age people transition, we’re all being true to ourselves.

Brooke and I briefly chatted with the one we both thought passed very well as a woman. She was 5’6”, just one inch taller than me. “Did the lower height have anything to do with her passing,” I thought...I’m sure it did to a degree. She also had a Latina face, which in my book, helps severely with passing. Brooke is kinda tall. Well, she’s very tall. I can tell that she worries about passing and still being so tall. The one thing she really has going for her with her height, though, is that she is really skinny. She’s close to 10 inches taller than me, but only weighs like 20-some pounds more than me. I think she’ll do fine.

Anyway, the Latina TS said that she recently had people at work making allegations that she was really a man (since she was obviously stealth at work). She said they made comments like ‘she had man-hands’ or ‘her voice was lower’, but I really never would have thought she was TS if I had met her outside the TS community. In fact, I didn’t even think she was TS at the BBQ until she basically told us.

I talked with Courtney quite a bit this weekend. We chatted about bits and pieces of everything in a two and a half hour call yesterday. I could tell she was feeling a little lonely again. I get the same way sometimes, but I stay busy enough most of the time that I usually don’t find myself that lonely. Also, I have roommates, so that’s usually enough human interaction for me outside of work.

Tight Ends.

Today, I have been a total slacker. I haven’t even showered since Friday morning....ewwwww! I’m about to go for a run, but I kinda want to wash off a bit before I go, even though I know I will be sweating out there. I guess I did participate in a fantasy football draft this morning. I conference called into my old friends in the Midwest and drafted a decent team. I picked up some of my favorite players, but wasn’t able to get most of the people I had last year since they turned out pretty good. I got second place last year, losing the top spot in the last two weeks. OK, yeah, I like to watch football. I am a huge NFL fan. Now, you might say....Eeeewwww!...That’s for guys!!!...but there are plenty of women who like to watch football as well. Stephanie, a good friend of mine in the unlucky city of Detroit watches football and totally dug playing fantasy football last year. And my sister is a huge college football fan. I can’t go home in the winter without hearing how her team is doing.

So, yes, women do watch football. :P Tttthhhhbbbtttt!!!!

He'll be back

So, I’m sitting on my knees in my chair staring at my computer and this guy named Mark the Coworker walks by my desk and says “Hello Ms. [Flynn]” then starts up a conversation on fantasy football. (Yes, I love playing fantasy football and watching football on TV...it’s just a part of me.) I’ve almost grown accustomed to hearing Mark’s comments, and in fact, kinda live for them. When I come out, I hope he continues his little observation of me being female.

I still have no idea how I am going to make it over 4 more months in boy mode. Playing sports with my coworkers has become challenging. I find I now need to wear a sports bra to bind the breasts when I play sports because the flimsy ones I wear during the day just aren’t doing enough out there. The hard part is making sure that the big sports bra straps don’t show thru the neck area of my shirt. I also wear one of those reversible jersey’s when we play color shirts vs white shirts, so it tends to hide the boobs with the layers.

Shake your bootie.

Tonite was my first dance class session. It was pretty fabulous, and I can feel I’m starting to loosen up on the dancing thing. The play really helped back in May, but I can feel that this class is going to be awesome. Dance floors of the US, beware!!! There are like 20 of us in there, with 3 guys if you count me as a guy still. The women are pretty nice looking as well, and some can really move their ass....perfect coaches!!!

Shakin’ her bootie.

I was out with Delilah and Brandon again last night. Let’s just say...never ask a guy for directions...especially a blond one. :P

We had a nice little conversation over sushi. I think D and I bored Brandon a few times talking about hormones and stuff. Anway, I had the Caterpillar Sushi (asparagus and cucumber inside the rice, avacado on the outside) while Brandon threw down some of the raw stuff. Eeeeewwwwww!!! Mine was excellent. Somehow I have really gotten into the veggie sushi lately.

After dinner, we just walked around Santana Row in San Jose. There were a bunch of guys that just came up to Vanity (nudityin link)...errr...Delilah and kinda started hitting on her, or said that they recognized her, or wanted her phone number. And I mean, Brandon is walking along with us...and he’s like 6’4” and not a bean pole, but they still risked his wrath upon approach. OK, so, we’ve got Delilah at 5’9 with 3” heels walking along, Brandon at 6’4”, and me a whopping 5’5” with my 1” sandals. D was wearing this hot little outfit, of course, and just happened to fall out of it on occasion. So, D looks like this hot model, then Brandon her bodyguard, and me her little assistant. There were people just blatantly staring at her, and made no attempt to hide it...even a table with 4 women at it. Now granted, they actually might have been looking at Brandon. These guys, though, could just not take their eye off her. One guy asked her if she was a Brazilian actress and D just said she had been in some Brazilian films.

You want me on that wall....you need me on that wall...you can’t handle the truth!!!

We had a little conversation about how she tells a guy that she is TS. She said they usually tell her to stop messing around or that she must be tripping. They truly doubt that she was ever a man, because, well, they want her to be a woman....they need her to be a woman. They’re eyes tell their brain, or more importantly, their penis, that what they are seeing is a woman and when the big area of insecurity in their brain gets clobbered with this woman telling them she used to be a guy...well, it’s just pretty hard on them. Come on, really....guys never have to use their brain that hard, especially when Junior is telling it that it’s time for him to go into action.

Princess Buttercup

The conversation continued about the men she has met, and the “man” that she wants. I told her that if she were post op, and she met a guy she really liked, I could pretty much guaranteed that he really wouldn’t care that much. But I realize that her penis is currently a great part of her livelihood, and most men just aren’t going to go for that. Her penis, however, is what brings in the cash for her, but I truly believe that she has a lot more going for her than her penis. I do hope, though, she finds her true love someday....someday...and lives happily ever after.

Money, money, money...take 3

I received a letter from my bank today responding to my request for a personal loan:

Dear whacko,

Thank you for your recent application for credit. Your request has been carefully reviewed, and we regret that we are unable to approve your request for a(an) personal loan at this time.

Blah.....blah blah blah....blah blah.

Sincerely,

The people with all the money.

Nice.

I was down at the younger TS support group tonite. We had some pretty good conversations, including a subject that came up in my story of flying home in girl mode. She asked if I thought some people suspected I was T and I said, I thought there were at least a few...but they still were very kind and treated me with at least a smile. She asked if that bothered us...that someone knew we were T but didn’t care or say anything. I could care less if they know or not, as long as they are respectful. It’s the ones that aren’t respectful that worry me. That’s why I prefer to have FFS...to alleviate some of the male bony features of my face.

One of the other TS, probably around 23, was wondering about the effect hormones have on the hips. She really wants them. Of course, she’s as skinny as a rail. I told her she’d do fine...and “jeez, what do you have, like a 27” waist?” She says 26 inches. Arrrgggghhhhh! Oh well, I guess I will always be a muscular little sporty girl....but I would so much enjoy being a lot skinnier and a whole lot less muscular. The waist has gotten smaller one inch in a year, but hopefully over time the muscle around the waist will get smaller and give me better curves.

Brooke and I had dinner afterward. We talked, we ate, we discussed getting out sometime just to hang out. Brooke hasn’t been out in girl mode in quite a while. Her hair is long enough to wear out now, and I think it’s going to look awesome, even from the viewpoint of my basic hair styling skills. Unfortunately with our electrolysis and activity schedules, our only night that each of us can make it out is Wednesday. Wednesday....hump day....does anything really happen on a Wednesday?

I know the combination

I stopped by the Cocoon House again last week. Sarah was doing pretty good. She had the nose packing out, and the chin straps were off. She was obviously still swollen, but still, she was doing great. I dragged Marina along this time as she is about the biggest Dr. O fan there is. Rachel stopped by again as well, and we chatted a little more about the famous Dr. O.

Electrolysis went well this weekend. She cleared most of the lower goatee and started working into the cheeks. We’re getting there...slowly.

I stayed with Brooke overnight this weekend. It’s a lot easier staying there than driving home while still on the medication, and then driving back the following day. She was on her bike earlier in the week when she was hit by an SUV. She walked away from the accident, but this girl is one tough cookie. Since she was without a bike, she actually rode with me to electrolysis since she had the appointment after me. As she sat down into my car, she looked sore....something I have never seen with her before. This girl is super-human. She doesn’t take any pain killers for electrolysis, and says she can’t even feel it anymore. Wow. She felt pain while sitting down though. I wonder just how much it’s hurting her.

I went shopping after I was done getting zapped. I just hate buying girl stuff while in boy mode, though, since it is very hard to try the items on. The lines were just too long, and I didn’t feel like putting up with the stares and questions of seeing if they fit or not. I guessed on sizes. Those guesses turned out pretty good. Lucky me.

Brooke and I got lunch after her session. She porked out on ribs since she said she usually gets really really hungry any time she is injured. I don’t blame her...I have comfort food every week after electrolysis as a reward for getting thru the pain.

Happy HRT

Yesterday was one year HRT for me. Yeah! Looking at the measurements I have taken over the past year, the two biggest movers are my neck and hip measurements. My neck has gone down almost an inch, now sitting near 14.5”, and my hips are up an inch to around 36”. There is still a little boy fat hanging around the mid section, but I have never had a really super skinny waist...too much muscle. It’s now just under 30” after starting at 31”.

You win some, you lose some.

My parents and sister did pretty good with my news when I first came out. They told me they loved me and that they would be there for me. Sure, some are dragging their feet still, but they haven’t threatened me, nor have they treated me bad.

My friend Courtney on the East Coast sent her parents and grandmother her coming out letter last weekend. They received it most likely on Monday. Her grandmother called her shortly thereafter. Her parents didn’t even call until the end of the week, and they basically have given her an ultimatum...go back to being a boy, or they are ditching her. How inhumane! Courtney’s ex-gf’s family has been very supportive though, which is a super bonus for Courtney. I feel so sorry for her situation. I can’t believe someone’s parents would actually state something like that, but I hope they will change their mind over time. Parents are supposed to be loving and supportive of their children, no matter what. I know having your son or daughter come out as being a TS is very hard, but still, it would be nice if they showed some compassion. It’s tough enough coming out to the ones you love...and telling them who you really are.

Mark’s Daily Comment brought to you by....

Yep, this guy again. He stops by my cube again and sees an open notebook:

“Long hair...nice handwritting...are you sure you’re not a chick?”

Against Mark’s better judgement, my handwritting is not that neat. I think he just wants to see it that way. Who knows.

Butterflies.

I stopped by the Cocoon House the other day to visit Sarah from the NW who just had Dr. O surgery last week and was recovering. I met her thru Renee who has visited the Bay Area on occasion. I’d never been to the Cocoon House before, so this was my first trip. I’d met several Dr. O grads before, but these were fresh ones. Sarah had the usual Dr. O garments on, while her mom was there to assist with the lovely days between surgery and feeling better. Another Sarah was also bunked up in the back room. Gwen was in the front room. The other Sarah was there for a free touchup on her nose after her surgery from a year and a half ago. That’s right...on Dr. O’s penny. We all had a nice little conversation, and continued it when Rachel and Jen showed up, both Dr. O grads as well, and friends of one of the Sarahs. Jen was a knockout....wow. Tall, thin, blonde, pretty face, nice voice, and young. So jealous. All five agreed that the money they spent on Dr. O was worth every penny and that they were glad each of them did it. So cool. My consult is next month!!!