Kool-Aid

My electrologist was able to squeeze me in last Tuesday when she got back from Europe. I was heading out that weekend, missing my usual appointments, so luckily she was able to get in 2 hours on me. We did the upper lip, and damn, that thing was all swollen up. I iced it Tuesday night and Wednesday morning, and even tried taking Benedryl that morning. Wow...something about the pain killer the night before plus the Benedryl really zonkered me Wednesday morning.

I run a meeting every Wednesday morning, and I knew all eyes would possibly be on my upper lip. Sure enough, a coworker made a comment, “It looks like you’ve been drinking Kool-Aid.”

The only response I could manage at that time was, “My razor and I didn’t get along this morning.” I think they bought it.

Thursday, I flew in to the Midwest for a little Homecoming with old college friends. I flew in girl mode and had no trouble at SFO on the way out. At the gate, the Cal Bears Women’s Soccer Team was flying out as well. These are the type of women I think I would have been if I would have been born a girl. I super envy them. Feminine yet sporty....that’s me. I remember totally being in love with this girl in college. My friends thought I was totally obsessed with her. The thing was....she was the person I thought I should have been. I wanted to live vicariously through her...because she was me if I would have been the right gender in the first place....or even perhaps if I had figured all of this out a bit sooner.

Once I flew into the midwest, I took the shuttle to the car rental place. The lady at the car rental place didn’t even flinch when I handed her my boy license. I have a girl picture ID card, but the driver’s license is still in boy mode. I can’t wait until I get that one fixed.

I went down to Joe and Susan’s for dinner with an old roommate/coworker named Craig, and his wife. This was their first view of me in girl mode, even if it was 8 hours after I got ready. They did well, although the pronouns were pretty hard for them. At least they are trying.

After that, I drove down to the town I used to live in and met up with 3 old friends. I was hoping to see a few more, but a lot of them say they aren’t ready. I was able to chat with Dawn, Cindy, and Sam (whose real name is not Sam, but is way to unique to put on here). We shared a few baskets of chips and salsa while discussing the latest events in their lives, as well as my journey. Sam said (in a half kidding, half not kidding manner) he showed up just to check me out.

Cindy seemed pretty carefree on the topic, but Dawn was very concerned for me. She didn’t want me having any surgeries and was worried about my future. They definitely had a hard time with the pronouns, but at least they showed up to say hey. Dawn and I used to work pretty close together and got along so well that a lot of people seemed to think we were fooling around. We used to have a lot of good conversations that were very thought stimulating...and since both of us were thick skulled, we didn’t back down much. Dawn’s a smart cookie, though, and I know she’s just looking out for me. I did a hypothetical on her though...suggesting that some girls just move away and ditch all their old friends. People who don’t know the T before transition do a lot better just knowing her as a girl instead of seeing their male friend disappear only to be replaced by some girl they don’t really know. She didn’t like that...and said I had better stay in contact with her. I will, trust me.

Friday, Jamie, Joe, and I played golf in the rain. OK, well, we played the first 9 holes without getting wet, but I was so cold and wet on the next 5 holes that I called it a day. Jamie and Joe weren’t that cold, but I was freezing my ass off. Have the hormones made me a captive to the cold? I always used to the be the one who had to turn the thermostat down because I was hot, but I think times have changed. It’s good, I think I might fall in the normal range now.

I drove to my old college after that and met up with some old friends in a bar. I went in girl mode, and they recognized me right away. They said it was easy since I was the only one left who they knew would be sitting down with them. One admitted that he wouldn’t have recognized me if I had just walked by. They did well with the situation, but they were far off on the pronouns.

I participated in another event which I can’t really mention on here, but let’s just say that the college kids were unphased. I went to a party with a mixture of college kids and alum, but in boy mode. As I was leaving, one of the college kids had some fairly affirming words for me...I was impressed.

On Sunday I was back in girl mode. I returned the rental car and found a very warm gentleman eager to help me aboard the shuttle, but I told him I was in no hurry and needed to take care of returning the car still. Inside, I found the same clerk that had checked out the car to me. Great. Anyway, there was another big dude with her, and someone behind the corner who I could hear laughing. The dude around the corner continued to laugh for the better part of my time spent checking in the car. The big dude sorta followed me out and asked me kind questions like “How was your time here?” and “Did the car give you any trouble?” I was the lone person to board the shuttle back to the airport. The driver of this shuttle bus starts up a conversation with the other shuttle (I can only assume the first guy who was very warm in helping me get my bags on the shuttle) about how he saw John Goodman at Hertz within the past hour. The other shuttle driver says something about seeing one of the local pro football players. A third voice breaks into the conversation with “Maybe you will get lucky.” A few minutes later we hear “Did you get lucky?” My driver responds with “What do you mean by that?” Silence. Yeah, I think it was the big dude messing with him since he knew I was TS. The funny thing about all of it was the only person I didn’t feel “discriminated” against was a white guy and the older black gentleman that initially was going to help me with my bags. The rest were minorities. The girl behind the counter was Latina and the big dude was black. It kinda sucks when some of the cultures and races that have been discriminated against for a long time are the ones still discriminating against or making fun of others.

The lady at the airline check-in counter stared long and hard at my girl ID. As I was walking away, I could swear she said “That’s a man” to one of her coworkers. I think I faintly heard “...used to be a man” from her male coworker to correct her.

I used to love picking up people as they arrived into the airport. I am such a people watcher. Now, I’m just limited to people watching when I’m flying. The bad part is, however, I have been flying in girl mode the past several times. It’s a little harder to watch people when they are watching me.

As I approached my gate, I noticed a woman staring heavily at me. I could see her out of the corner of my eye. When she’d stared long enough at me, I stared directly at her...and she’d turn away. I’ve found this method works well with kids as well. When they continually stare, I’ve found staring directly back at them usually gets them to turn away....at which point I usually smile.