I head back to work tomorrow. Oh joy! My roomie thought that was the case and asked me if I was ready to go back. I told him I could actually use a little more time, but I’m not going to be that lucky. The sutures inside the mouth are just annoying, and I’m still sore and swollen. I can usually make it out for about 5 hours..but tomorrow will be close to 9 hours. Whew...that’s going to be hard. Hopefully the adrenaline will keep me alert.
So, nervous about tomorrow? Yep. I stopped by the apartment manager’s office yesterday. That was basically the first time someone who I didn’t tell beforehand actually saw me for the first time post-op. She treated me quite well, and was very friendly. I hope it will be that way tomorrow, but I know there will be some who will be uncomfortable with the situation. I’m just going to go in there and try to be my typical self...outside of the gender thing. I’m fairly confident about going wherever I need to go, and I think people will see that I’ve obviously done a lot of thinking on this whole thing to go 1.5 years on hormones and pay an arm and a leg for facial surgery. Still though, I’m going to feel like that one lonesome kid sitting at the lunch room table by herself.
One of the hard parts about tomorrow will be the voice. I’ve noticed that it seems a lot harder for me to do the girl voice with people that knew me as a boy before. I don’t know if it is stage fright or what. Combine that with the trachea shave 3 weeks ago, and I have no idea how it’s going to sound. I know I could use more practice, but it's not good to push it this close to the recent surgery. So, that will probably be one of the sticking points for tomorrow. It may not sound totally female, but it’s not going to sound like my old male voice...that’s a guarantee.
I had my 3 week follow up with Dr. O this evening. He said I looked remarkably good for three weeks, even though I’m still quite swollen. He checked where the sensation ended on top of my head and asked if I had the creepy crawlers up there yet. I’ve felt a little weird sensation so far...sorta like something is crawling around in your skin, but you can’t quite feel it. “JoanB” said that the phantom itches are a real joy to deal with. You’ll get an itch up on the top, but when you try to scratch it there, you’re not getting it. She said that when that happens, try scratching your forehead or the hairline, and that should probably get it. That’s so funny, but so far, I’ve had two phantom itches. I will go to scratch it up on top of my head, but I can’t feel the area I am scratching, and the scratch doesn’t go away. So, I tried itching the eye brow and the hair line, but the itch basically subsided. The creepy crawler feeling comes and goes. It’s almost a pretty cool feeling...sorta like a little head massage. Oh yeah, Dr. O said Ali’s surgery went superbly.
Since I was up in the city, I met up with Claire and Tyler for dinner and conversation. Claire had her interview this morning, and called me directly after it. It appeared that she had forgotten to purchase the right shoes to go with her suit and didn’t have the right purse to go with it all. But, it sounded like the interview went well, even though she was warm the entire interview, mainly because it was almost summer here in the Bay Area today. Anyway, we talked about all of the little things we have going on in our lives. I’m headed back to work tomorrow, Claire had her interview, and Tyler was working on some family issues, as well as still recovering...just like me. We then cruised over to a little cafe where I ordered up an infrequent hot chocolate. I’m home now, and off to bed. I wonder...am I more nervous tonite than the night before FFS? I actually think I’m more nervous tonite, because I knew what to expect going into FFS, and what was at risk. Tomorrow, I could basically be walking into a fire, but hopefully I’ll be walking into open arms. Also, I’ve noticed that positive remarks usually come out initially, then the more negative comments come out later. We’ll see how things go.
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