Cotillion 2007

I stayed busy this past weekend. I spent Friday night at a friend's place just hanging out, then got up early Saturday morning to get my hair done. I had it flat-ironed and trimmed. I seriously wish it were straight all of the time, and will likely look into the Japanese hair straightening method again.

After that, I made my way to the same X-ray office that Dr. O uses for FFS. I had the same pictures taken, but this time for Dr. Meltzer. (More on that below) Sunny was her usual sunny self. I think she was curious why I was there, at first, but soon pointed out that I was a former Dr. O patient. I told her I recognized here from 3 years ago, but that she likely didn't recognize me. I pulled my old picture out of my purse and showed it to her. She said I looked slightly familiar.

I then ran home and chilled a while before getting ready for TGSF's Cotillion. I was to handle the emcee part of the Debutante Walk again this year. When I arrived, I saw Lenny Broberg, the co-host of the Cotillion. We joked about me wearing the same dress as Donna Sachet again this year, but we soon saw that she had on a different colored one from me. I went black this year, so it's kind of a boring color for many. Basically, though, it was the only dress I could find that fit AND looked decent. My trip into Bloomies and Macy's yielded poor results, so I settled on a size 12 from Cache. Yeah, a size 12. I knew their sizes ran small, but wow. I usually wear anywhere from a 6-10, but a 12 fitting snug....hmmm. Not only that, but I'm still down in weight this year after being sick and not working out that much.

I ran into a number of old friends, and a few new people I'd only corresponded with online. It's nice to catch up, but also to meet people that I've emailed with. After the intermission, I read the names of people attending their first Cotillion as they walked across the stage. When the first guy popped into our little mix, I had to keep him up on stage for a little bit. Lenny fed me a couple lines to use, as well, so it was played up quite nicely.

After finally making it home Saturday night, I got up early the next morning to go into work for a short time before flying out to Phoenix. I had a consult with Dr. Meltzer Monday afternoon concerning jaw work and a lower facelift. Some will say I don't need it, but the extra skin around my chin and neck is not going away...and will only get worse with time. I've been told facelifts are easier to recover from and provide better results when done fairly young. I'm also interested in refining the right side of my jaw. Dr. Meltzer and I looked over the X-rays and there is definitely something going on in the one area I am concerned about. It almost looks like the bone hasn't quite fused back together on one side. (I have a little notch/bump that is especially sore with electro in that area of the notch.)

Anyway, he's supposed to send me a quote for the facelift/bonework/removal of the chin gear. I'd like to have the screws and plates removed, just for my own satisfaction...plus I think it might be causing some of the soreness with the notch area.

I flew home Monday night. I'm still swamped at work, so catching up hasn't been fun, especially since I was in training 3 days last week. I fly out tomorrow for New York and the Transfigurations art show. There is supposed to be a panel on Saturday that a few of us are participating in, but I also hope to say hey to a number of friends in the New York area.

Back in class

I'm taking my creative writing class again this semester. I really enjoyed it so much last year that I figured I would take it again...especially since one is allowed to take it twice. One other student from last semester is also taking it again, so I'm not alone.

Last semester, the teacher had us write the first portion of a longer story. I did. She complimented my original work the first day of class last week, and noted that I was hoping to write the second half this semester. I figure the class will help push me into actually sitting down to write instead of blowing it off for that rainy weekend.

Anyway, I need help. I have a story arc that I'm not quite sure how to finish. I have three possible ideas, but I'm not sure which arc is best to fulfill the general sense the story is encompassing.

One of the main characters is a transsexual near the beginning of transition. Go figure, huh? Another of the main characters is a man who has a little trouble dating. At the beginning of the story, he's totally in love with this UPS girl, but she blows him off. The love starved man first meets the T while both are male and become decent friends. Later, the love starved man ends up having sex with one of the T's friends who he doesn't realize is T. That, along with his brother coming out as being gay really throws him for a loop. After that tough period for him, though, he finally starts dating the UPS girl via some of his own life lessons. My trouble is how to end it from here.

1. He ends up marrying the UPS girl that he always cherished.

2. He ends up with the T he had sex with, realizing that he doesn't care about her past.

3. He ends up with the T that is transitioning after finally seeing her as female instead of the male he once knew.

I figure option number 1 is more mainstream touchy feely. Option 2 shows more of the life that the transitioning T can see in the future. And Option 3 is more LGBT touchy feely.

I realize the people that read this will likely be more oriented to options 2 or 3, but I wanted to see how some might respond.

Entertainment Tonite

I received an email today that mentioned two programs on tonite. One is a new episode on Dr. Phil that involves gender issues. From what I gather, it will be on an MTF, an FTM, a CD, and a youth with AIS.

Now, I'm not a big fan of Dr. Phil, but we'll see what he says. A friend or two mentioned the same concern I have, and supposedly they checked out his website for the promotion. They believe they're just using the stories for sensationalism. I guess we'll have to watch to see.

One of the stories supposedly deals with a 37 year old mom that transitions to living as a man...and since the dad is bisexual, their family is still going quite well. Interesting.

Someone also mentioned that tonite's episode of the Tyra Banks show deals with gender issues as well. It looks like it is a repeat on my TV schedule, but the website shows it to be a new show about something different. I'm not sure.

Geraldine

I caught this cute video called Geraldine (approx 10 minutes, Rated PG-13 by Kara for brief cartoon nudity) on YouTube yesterday. It's about a boy who wakes up to find he is a girl. I won't tell you exactly what happens, but as usual, the boy ends up being a fairly attractive girl. By day two, "she" is already doing fairly well with her new body.

While this is likely a dream come true for most transgender people, I wonder how non-transgender people would really react to the situation. What would happen if a regular guy were suddenly made a very attractive woman? Yeah, yeah, he likely wouldn't leave the house for a while, but you wonder how things would go.

I mean, when I had SRS, there were plenty of guys I talked to that had no want or need to talk about how my penis was going to be removed. It scared most of them. After the surgery, I told my dad that it actually didn't hurt that bad...and he said, "Well, that would hurt me a lot." I think he was talking more about the psychological pain than the physical pain. For me, there really wasn't any psychological pain involved, although, I will admit that I do miss certain aspects of having it...but I think I've hit on that before.

So, what if a guy were suddenly a hot chick? It might be a sexual fantasy for many, but I wonder how they would do in the long run. What if they were just an average girl...or, gasp, a fat chick? What if a woman were turned into a stunning man? Or just an average man, or, gasp, a fat bastard? While some men may be turned on to having breasts and being pretty, they might also miss having a penis. While some women may feel powerful with strong male muscles, would they feel uncomfortable actually having a penis and body hair? Would they feel weird having the wrong hormones hit their brain. While many people may see the sexual side of this transformation, I think many miss the effect hormones have on us. I seriously think that Testosterone was probably one of the key factors attributing to my GID. It's a nasty drug, and while it has left its mark, it has also shaped me into who I am today...both physically and psychologically.

So, if there are any non-transgender people out there reading this blog, I'd love to hear your thoughts on how you might survive in the body of the opposite gender? What would you love? What would you hate? What do you think you could deal with? Would you conform to your new gender role, or would you continue to live the way you currently live? Could you handle sitting or standing up to use the restroom? Do you think you would be a better man / woman than most simply because you were initially the opposite sex to begin with?

Inquiring minds want to know. =)

EDIT: I posted the question on Yahoo to see what non-transgender people would say. The results fit along a lot of the lines I mentioned here.

Holi-dazed

When I arrived at my parents place Christmas Eve, I was informed that numerous family members currently or recently had a stomach bug that caused either vomiting, diarrhea, or both.

Nice.

Because I'm not exposed to children that often, I always know that going home for any occasion usually brings with it the high expectation that I will at some point get sick. It's almost expected. Two years ago I came down with a stomach bug the night before Thanksgiving. Yes, the night before. It was horrible. I heaved or hoed every hour on the hour starting at 1am. It was probably my worst Thanksgiving ever.

Of those arriving around the same time I arrived, my aunt was the first to come down with the lovely stomach bug. She got it the day after Christmas. I made it all the way until the 27th before being afflicted. Luckily, I was able to get a little rest before my regular trips to the bathroom began.

I almost vomited once or twice, but it all ended up going out the other end. Day one, I wasn't hungry at all. Day two, I thought I was feeling a little better and decided to have some soup for dinner.

Bad move.

Between 4am and 7am, I made 9 round trips to the throne and back. If the bathroom were awarding frequent flyer miles, I'd have a couple free vouchers.

Day three was filled with limited eating and the beginnings of a cold, but after reading a little on the internet, it looked like Gatorade was one of my better options. Thus, I began my regular ingestion of the yummy strawberry Gatorade. This was probably better than a certain family member's OD on Imodium AD that led to a ER visit after their system became stopped up and bloated.

I was supposed to fly home that night, but due to the crazy weather in Oz, my flight was cancelled. Thus, day four of my sickness came with a newly arrived family member coming down with the latest round of total fun-ness. By the time I left this afternoon, she was already feeling much better than the AM hours. I, still, was barely hungry, and only managed a small bowl of cereal for breakfast and two muffins for lunch. Oh, and a few bottles of Gatorade.

My sister and her husband left the day I was supposed to have left, but my parents talked them into letting their grandson (my nephew) stay with them the New Year's weekend. Somehow he dug out a jump-rope, which my parents tried to show him how to work. OK, most almost-4-year-olds are just not going to have the coordination to jump over a swinging rope. I had them change to just swinging it back and forth instead of over his head, but he was still having trouble getting the timing right. I tried to show him, but the possessiveness that kicks in at that age caused him to have a little fit over it being his. He started swinging the jump rope, and almost nailed my mom. My parents spoil him to death, so, I was the first to take the rope away and tell him not to hit his Nana. He started crying, but, as I told my parents, I didn't mind being the 'evil' one. He screamed for a while, but settle down shortly before I left. I said my good-byes to my parents, my nephew, and my sprawled-out cousin crashed on the family room couch. (Everyone else was about to eat at another family dinner.)

After the customary hug, my mom requested her usual second hug. My little nephew was still slightly mad at me, and only gave me a slight hug around the waist.

I started up the car, carefully exited the driveway, the waved good-bye as I drove away. My cellphone rang after I had just turned the corner. It was my little nephew.

"I love you very, very much, Kara."

My heart melted.

"I love you, too," I said, barely holding back the tears. My mom came on the line and said he really wanted to call and tell me that before I left since he was afraid I'd never come back.

Talk about a cry-fest. Wow. Is this what parents live for? I mean, let's face it, almost all kids are brats at some point or another. I've always wondered what was so powerful that led a lot of people to have more than one, and also never regret having the children they have...even with as much as some of them can whine about things.

Love. Amazing stuff.

Which reminds me, the 5 year sperm bank storage time I paid for is due up soon. I guess I better look at extending it...just in case.

Running

While watching the local morning news, they ran a story about an international runner being stripped of her silver medal in the 800m run at the Asian Games.

In the picture in that link, you'll notice that she does has a brow ridge and a slight Adam's Apple. (Here's another picture after the race of note.) From reading the article, though, it sounds like she does not have male genetalia nor has she had a sex change...but simply that she has chromosomal abnormalities. One of the most ridiculous lines in that article is "The official also said the test revealed more Y chromosomes than allowed." I wonder how many they do allow? I mean, come on, men only have one Y chromosome. Genetic women have zero.

Is she XXY or some variant of? Or could she be XY? Who knows but those that performed the genetic testing.

I wonder how many genetic women out there do not have the standard XX pair of chromosomes. Is that what defines us as male or female?

It's too bad that she is likely being stripped of her medal. This isn't the Olympic games, but I wonder what type of ruling the IOC would have made since they do allow transsexuals to compete. This is, in fact, the Asian Games, so it appears the ruling is not so beneficial.

Stage 4 Cooties

I have Stage 4 Cooties...and have for the past several years. There is no known cure. My only hope is finding someone with the Cootie antibody.

I went on a date two weeks ago...

...with a guy...

...who is 24.

I haven't been out with a guy in quite a while, let alone one that is 12 years younger than me. I wanted to wait a while before writing about it just to see what happened after it, and well, I figure 2 weeks is enough.

He IM'd me on a late Friday afternoon. We chatted for a while and he seemed like a pretty nice guy. He sent his picture, and after an inquiry into whether or not we would meet over dinner, I said sure.

I picked a little Asian fusion place, and was a few minutes late due to finding parking and getting my hair in some type of decent shape. I seem to be late to everything nowadays...perhaps from spending way too much time in my previous 30-some years always waiting on other people while I was the one on time.

As we sat there chatting and eating a very tasty meal, I told him that many of my friends would be jealous to be sitting where I was sitting. He was 5'11", clean cut, fairly attractive, and in decent shape.

He knew I was TS from the beginning. He ran across my Yahoo page and IM'd me from it. Many of my TS friends wouldn't even go out with someone that knew they were TS to begin with...they want the guy (or girl) to get to know them first before letting them in on the big secret. But a lot of my TS friends want someone who is tall...taller than them, or at least close. I can see why, in some cases...because the taller he is the more feminine one can feel.

After we ate, he asked if I was interested in hanging out a little more...or going somewhere to dance or something. Because I don't drink, he thought a bar wouldn't be that great. He suggested Diva's.

Hmm...I really didn't feel like going there. Diva's has basically become a place where "John's" go to pick up a T prostitute. It's not always like that, but it has that distinct flavor to it. I've been a number of times, but the creep factor can turn many people off. Sure, there are plenty of nice guys there and one can have an enjoyable time there...but...ehhh...I really didn't want to go there.

I guess I just felt like he wanted to go there because he wouldn't have to worry about taking me somewhere where we might run into someone he knew who would see him out with a T. So, thus, we both called it a night.

I do OK, but I'm not as feminine looking as I wish I was. I don't have the small curvy body. I'm solid, I know this. I have a love hate relationship with all of it...being that I like athletics but also have anxiety over not looking entirely feminine. It sucks. It enhances my Stage 4 Cooties. I don't want to be with someone who is afraid of taking me everywhere in the world.

And, thus, finding someone with the Cootie antibody is difficult.

Besides there being a 12 year gap with the guy I went out with, there were a few other things that likely would have made a relationship difficult.

Oh, Kara, just have sex with him for fun.

Yeah, yeah, I probably could...but ya know what? Vaginal sex just isn't that great for me. Besides my 4.5" of vaginal depth (sigh...yes...very disappointing), most of my sensation is either in the clit or mons area, or in the vaginal opening...and not within the vagina itself. Frankly, I'd rather get myself off than simply doink some guy for the fun of it. I'm more about getting to know someone or really bonding with someone before I have sex with them. Sure, there are some people I could bond with very fast and be in the sack in no time, but usually I have to see at least a possibility of a relationship growing out of it...

...and, of course, I have to do a Stage 4 Cootie antibody check first.