Managing Change

Yesterday, I was in an internal training class.  It was called “Managing Personal Change and Transition.”  Hmmm...right up my alley, right?  Actually, it dealt with personal change at work due to the “layoffs” and the organizational shake-up. Let’s face it, most of us live for some amount of routine in our lives, yet we also hope for a little bit of change...just enough to make each day different.

Drastically changing things, though, causes a lot of people to feel quite uncomfortable. Trust me, I know. Perhaps I was able to really connect with the seminar simply because of my own change, but I know quite a few people that found the two hour training to be quite boring. Many of the things we learned though, could be applied to people either going thru transition, or to the loved ones of those in that same transition. I think this course would really benefit anyone who has a friend or family member going thru transition.

The motto “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it” came up a few times during the training. These are obviously people with a rigid way of thinking. One always needs to be looking at different and better approaches to a variety of things. That’s how we grow. I suppose some of it comes down to perspective.

For instance, some people would say that I was successful as a guy and that there was no indication that I was unhappy or had these transgender issues. If I’m not broke, why fix me, right? Well, I was broken...people just couldn’t see it. They grew used to seeing me broken and thought that’s how I always was. I lived for 30 years with barely a relationship to my name. I was progressing in my job, but I wasn’t happy. I was able to function in society...but to a bare minimum without people thinking I was too withdrawn, and I was hurting inside. I was simply a bike without inflated tires. Sure, you could ride me, but you wouldn’t get anywhere fast and without much effort.

So, I’m going to steal part of the seminar and list it here. It can be applied to a person in transition or to loved ones going through the changes:

Tips for Managing Your Own Personal Change
Realistically look at the situation and separate the myths (fears) from reality. 

Questions you can ask regarding accepting change:• To my knowledge, what exactly will change?
• Why might this change be needed?
• What are the problems that this change is designed to solve?
• What questions do I need answered?
• What are my concerns? How do I feel about it?
• How will I choose to deal with this change?
• How can I demonstrate support for this change?
• Overall, what will make the change go as smoothly as possible? 

General Stress-Busters:• Take time to rest and eat well
• Arrange a quiet time each day
• Exercise/take a walk - it can relieve pent-up feelings and stress 

A New Beginning Checklist:• Do I agree with the reasons for the change and understand why it is needed?
• Do I have a clear picture of the goals and objectives of this change?
• Do I know the steps and actions that are required to reach these goals?
• Can I support the change and commit to its accomplishment?
• Do I know what my specific role will be as a result of the changes?
• Can I identify the things that I might lose? Can I be okay with this?
• Can I list exactly what will be different for me? What will be the same?
• Have I found ways to honor and say good-bye to the past?
• Do I understand that it is normal to feel somewhat confused and uncertain in the middle of change?
• Do I have short-range goals that I know I can achieve?
• Am I looking for creative opportunities to contribute?
• Am I taking time to relax and emotionally regroup?
• Am I keeping a positive mental attitude or do I need an “attitude adjustment”?
• Am I planning to celebrate the “new beginnings and opportunities”?

Surprisingly, I also have trouble changing to some degree...perhaps I have my own little fear of the unknown. I placed an ad on a local forum as a woman looking for a woman. In that ad, I didn’t mention the T stuff at all. I received a number of responses from quite a few attractive and active women. The hard part, now, is connecting with them without feeling rejected at some point when they find out I am T. Do I want to speak with them on the phone...or will they be able to tell from my voice? Do I want to meet them for lunch ...or will they be able to tell from my appearance? I’m sorta afraid....afraid of rejection. Then why did I do it, right? Well, I’d like to sorta not be alone so much. Sure, I have friends and coworkers, but they can only provide so much of what a person has been missing for so much of her life....companionship. One day, I hope. One day.