Smear the Queer

I recently received a letter from my healthcare provider telling me that I was due for a Pap smear test.

(What is Pap, and why do they want to smear it on me?)

It stated that they knew many women did not like having them, but it also listed the positive aspects for it. Besides that, it stated reasons why one would not need to have one.

It didn't list 'being a transsexual' as one of those reasons.

So, I sent a note off to Dr. Meltzer's office asking if I needed one. Here's the response:

I am attaching some information regarding necessary follow up that you can give to your PCP, but to sum it up – yes, you do need a PAP smear.

Their attachment contained this information:

We recommend our patients have yearly vaginal exams and PAP smears. Our patients do not have a cervix but the skin used to line the vagina is an epithelial skin and there is a possibility for that skin to produce abnormal cancerous cells. This is a very rare type of cancer, but is a possibility.

It also said that I should have my prostate checked per the routine established by The American Medical Association. Hmm...wonder how I'll set that up with my healthcare provider. I still have a few years before I need to start getting it checked, I believe.

Anyway, I scheduled my Pap smear for next month. To be honest though, I had no idea what a Pap smear test was. Based just on what I have heard in the past, it sounded like they took a small skin sample from some place in the vagina. It also did not sound like the most pleasant thing to have done.

I turned to my trusty internet to see exactly what it is:

Your doctor can do a Pap test during a pelvic exam. It is a simple and quick test. While you lie on an exam table, the doctor puts an instrument called a speculum into your vagina, opening it to see the cervix. She will then use a special stick or brush to take a few cells from inside and around the cervix. The cells are placed on a glass slide and sent to a lab for examination. While usually painless, a Pap test is uncomfortable for some women.

That darn speculum again. [sigh]

I'm hoping that is the worst part of it. I've had a metal one up there a few times now...and when the doctor is moving it all around with a bit of pressure on it...wow...not a fun thing to do. Since I don't have a huge amount of sensation inside my vagina, though, the removal of cells shouldn't be too bad...I hope.