This past week at work I was thinking further about the Dr. O consult and the potential surgery. I remembered the nose packing thing...having the nose basically closed off for 5 complete days. OK, so I closed off my nose and tried taking a drink of water. I swallowed, the ears popped, I couldn't breathe, the brain went into panic mode, I stood up, and began walking (that's my usual automatic response when I'm freaked out...so, if you see me walking around with this clueless look on my face, just pay no attention to me). I called Courtney since I obviously couldn't talk to anyone at work about it. She laughed, so did I. I know it's whacked. I know it's just a blocked nose and I can still breathe...but dangit, it's just an autonomic response similar to claustrophobia that has been so difficult. I almost started crying realizing how hard it would be to get through 5 days of that stuff being up there. Hell, I can barely get through 5 minutes. I'm scared I wouldn't be able to have FFS because of this situation.
I read through some of Lynn Conway's experience on the matter, and she was able to make it through a dinner and a night's rest with a nose plug on before the surgery. I'll try that....but...it doesn't look promising.
I also posted this concern on an FFS board and they suggested straws. I tried that tonite, and whew....much better. It’s still going to take some getting used to though, but like another person mentioned on still another board...you’re body gets used to it while you are still waking up from surgery so it’s not that bad. I hope she’s right.
This past Friday, Brooke, Michelle (in boy mode), and I went out to dinner and a movie. We ate some sushi then watched Underworld on opening night. It was packed. Brooke and Michelle had a good conversation while we were out since they are in the same line of business. It was the first time they met one another, and it looked like they have a lot in common, including parts of transition.
I crashed at Brooke’s place that night, then we both did a little shopping the next morning. We both went mainly looking for a decent purse. Brooke was able to find one in Macy’s, but I couldn’t really find one I liked...although I found a decent one, so I know where one is if I can’t find any others. On the way out, I found some nice casual tops at the Gap, but found I was between a size 6 and 8 on some jeans I was looking at. I got the tops, left the bottoms.
I stopped at the grocery store on the way home and picked up some pasta, califlower, brocoli, and salad dressing to make a nice little pasta salad I saw my sister make earlier this year. I was headed to a pot-luck/meeting and that was the item I offered to bring along. I threw it together in the best proportions I could think, and put it in the fridge to chill...then off to get ready.
The meeting was with the TG Community Planning Committee. They’re a great group of people...usually T’s that have been through transition, but still work in the public outreach programs in San Francisco to some degree. We had a meeting to finalize the arrangements of next week’s Job Preparation Fair. After putting together most of the details, we relaxed in front of the TV and watched the movie “ma vie en rose.” I have the DVD, but I’ve never sat down and watched it. It’s a very beautiful and touching movie. I cried several times.
On the way home, I picked up an Oreo Cookie Shake at JITB. Yeah, I know...shame on me. Funny...I had one guy really staring me down as I was driving home and eating the shake. It’s almost kinda cool.
Today, I went for a run and crashed the rest of the afternoon. I need to pick up my apartment in a bad way.
Oh yeah, this past week at work, I had two female coworkers trying to set me up with a woman they know. They both thought the two of us would be ideal for one another. Now how am I supposed to handle that situation? They mentioned she lives about 30 miles from me, so I kinda mentioned the distance thing and left it open-ended. If they ask again, I’ll just tell them that I’ve had no success with any relationships that involved work and hope they can accept that. Otherwise, I’ll have to start the full on lying and tell them I have someone I am seeing or something. It’s not really what I want to do this close to transition, but I’ll do it if that’s what’s necessary.
Tonite, I talked to a T in Oregon who had called our TGSF hotline looking for information. We chatted for over an hour about transition and I tried to point her in the right direction. I hope she makes it.
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