Always the bridesmaid and never the bride

Well, the Cotillion is finally over. I’ve spent quite a bit of time over the past month or so getting ready for it. I made a few items for the attire sections, practiced my dance routine in my living room, shopped for some of the outfits, and put together some of the publicity for it.

This year’s theme was ‘Back to the 80’s’ which is OK for a theme...but I was in school for most of those years....well, actually, all of them...grade, middle, high, and part of college. The active wear section had a ‘Raider’s of the Lost Ark’ theme and the formal wear section had a ‘Cheers’ theme.


So, for the active wear, I put together my own little Tomb Raider of Golden Gate Park outfit complete with black boots; tight black shorts; Lara Croft guns I found on ebay; holsters that I made from black straps, clips, coat hangers, and some vinyl; sun glasses that rode on the end of my nose; and a black T-shirt a friend gave me that says ‘Sorry, I don’t do boys’ on the front. The guns and holsters were the only thing I had to buy or construct for the outfit. My write up included the Tomb Raider of Golden Gate Park bit, causing Doom in a Temple of love, and Searching for the Holy Girl.


For the formal wear, I kept it simple. I found this dress online at Macy’s that I really wanted, but when I went to the store to look in person, they didn’t have my typical size...an 8. I found a 6 and thought, “What the hell....try it on and see how tight it is.” Well, after zipping it up and putting my arms thru the straps, it seemed to fit OK. Awesome! I made a wrap to sorta match the colors simply because I couldn’t find anything else that was even close to the same color.

For the talent section, I incorporated most of the dance routine I learned this past semester in dance class, but spent a day watching old Michael Jackson videos to add in a little more. For the outfit, I wore a little black sports bra, black pants, white socks that I sprayed with glitter, black dance shoes, a black hat I obtained at a New Year’s Eve party from years past, and a black sweater coat just like Claire used to wear. I danced to Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal.

So, the results. Well, I won both the formal and active wear. I had a lot of fun in those sections...and probably because I have worked on my posture, walking, and general grace...especially with the dance classes...those two sections came easy to me.

I placed second in the interview, just behind the first place person by a fraction of a point. This section we actually did the week before, and it was weighted the highest.

My poorest performances came in talent presentation and the final question. I actually thought I did OK in my presentation with the little dance number, but I came in last. After talking to one of the judges via email, it appears they were looking for more personal presentations...something from the heart. Each judge is going to look for different things during the presentation. Last year, I think I grabbed second in presentation with a dance number that was worse than this year....but this year, the judges were looking for something different. I also messed up a number of times this year, but I think it was still better than last year. The rehearsal went a lot smoother, but, of course, it didn’t count.

My final question...which I’d hoped to study for again this year, but didn’t because I stayed up way too late Friday night messing with my hair...really bit me in the ass again. This year, I was first and had the question, “How would being Ms. TGSF change your life?” I just sat there for a few seconds wondering how it would. To be honest, it wouldn’t really change my life...that I know of. I guess that sounds a bit arrogant, but I currently do outreach and I go to a lot of the functions...as well as participate on the Ex-Com. The only thing it would increase would be the social functions I would have to attend. I’m already reaching out to people via a support group and outreach activities. It took me two days to figure out a good response to that question....I wouldn’t know how I would change. Would any of us? All we can do is go out there and be ourselves...grow with time...learn lessons that life throws at us, and just be there when people need us. Otherwise, no one really knows the future and what might lie ahead of us. So, I wouldn’t know how being Ms. TGSF would change me, but I would be there ready to grow through the experience.

Anyway, I was slightly behind in points before the final question, and when the eventual Ms. TGSF answered her question, I knew she had won. I gave her as much of a congratulations as I could without saying she won backstage before they announced the winner. I still held out hope, but I knew that she most likely won.

As we stood there in the wings waiting for the final tally, I chatted with Rachel, Ms. TGSF 2003. She had her SRS about a year ago and has done well at moving back into society. She’s a little bit older than me, but she looks great. I mentioned my upcoming SRS and told her some of the things I mentioned with my therapist and the little voice asking if I am sure. She looked at me and said, “Oh honey, there’s no question.” She wanted to know if I was having doubts, but I told her I just wanted to be sure....that I was making sure there wasn’t something I was overlooking. It was kinda strange discussing that right at the pinnacle of the Cotillion, on the verge of finding out who won, sorta like a pitcher and catcher discussing dinner on the mound during the bottom of the 9th inning of a baseball game.

Although I won’t say that I didn’t want to win, I will have to say that I wanted to win more last year than I did this year. So, I’m the First Runner Up two years in a row. The first place loser. That’s kinda been a theme all of my life. At least I got more pink flowers out of it...and shared some of them with the other contestants.

After the event, I crashed back in my hotel room with a previously planned call in for pizza delivery with a few friends in attendance. I had spent the past month or so dieting...making it down to about 134 from 142. I’m even holding OK in the mid 130’s today...which seems like a pretty decent weight. I’d like to be lighter, but let’s see how this weight goes for a while. The hard part is not going immediately off this diet in favor of foods I haven’t had the past month. I think I have knocked bad snacks out of my diet in the short term, though. Plus, I’d like to remain in very decent shape for SRS.

Speaking of SRS, my credit card payment finally went thru last Tuesday. It appears that the credit card company didn’t like that $16,000+ transaction going through without some type of approval from me. Dr. Meltzer’s staff emailed me on the 6th concerning the release needed for the credit card transaction, but I didn’t get the message until after their closing hour. I had the transaction OK’d for that Friday, but forgot that Dr. Meltzer’s office is closed on Fridays. So, a few days later, we finally cleared it all up and I am now paid for.

I also rounded up the last of my over-the-counter meds for SRS by picking up the Arnica Montana at GNC yesterday afternoon. I still have to put together a list of everything I will need, and still need to review the list Amber has on her site.