Does everyone live in a closet?

I spent last evening with a male friend. We hung out at Diva’s, and although we are not romantically linked, I was still hoping he would kiss me when the new year rang in.

Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. He knew me before transition, so the image of me as a guy will probably always be in the back of his mind somewhere.

As we were driving home, though, we talked a little about the men who visit Diva’s. Chaser’s are a complicated group of men. Some of them like T’s to have anal intercourse with them, and others like to have anal intercourse with T’s. Oral sex is also a factor for both.

Unfortunately, most of the men that frequent Diva’s are married men who are trying to live out their fantasies. The girls there are typically working girls who charge a fee for the sexual act.

Most of these guys are not looking for a relationship, and basically just want to find someone to have casual sex with...for free, if possible.

The San Francisco Chronicle actually ran a story recently on Diva’s and the men who frequent it. So many of these men, though, are afraid to come out of their own closet. They’re afraid of being labeled gay or something.

Even the guy I was out with admits that he’s not out to any of his family about the type of women he likes. He is, unlike many of the other men, though, seeking a long term relationship...and he's a fairly nice guy.

He asked me who I’d prefer to end up with: a genetic girl, a man, or another T. I told him I’d probably prefer to end up with another T because I’m attracted to girls and we’d both share a history few will ever experience or understand.

Since I knew he wasn’t into men, I asked him if he’d prefer to end up with a genetic girl or a T. He said he would prefer to end up with a girl, even though he admitted that he wouldn’t mind having a long term relationship with a T. If he dated a T, though, he said she would have to be basically living stealth and would not be out to any of his family.

Why are people so afraid to just own up to who they are? Do we all risk being alone - outcast to the friends and family that we have? Well, being gay or liking T’s still allows you to walk around as your regular self, but being T puts everything on the outside. One can’t just walk around as a guy one day and a girl the next without people noticing. I think many people don’t understand how hard it is being T - being yourself and laying everything out on the line - and the things we go through in trying to be ourselves.