Tired

Going back to Sunday morning, I've basically had about 21 hours of sleep. That's 110 hours and I've only slept 21 of them. The Vagina Monologues practice has really kept me busy....that, plus flying out of Oakland Monday morning for a day trip to San Diego. You'd think a 6:40am flight out of Oakland wouldn't be that packed, but the airport was a huge mess. I guess everyone was doing their weekly commute or just starting the work week off early.

So, every night this week, I've spent an hour each way making my way to Berkeley. We had an open rehearsal tonight where we performed in front of a smaller audience, but still in front of an audience. It was basically an opening show. I only messed up slightly at one point early on in my piece, but as another cast mate said, no one probably noticed. Another cast mate told me later that she counted the 'dilates' tonite....19. I jokingly told her I'd have triple digits tomorrow. I'll post my monologue after next Monday's final performance.

It has still been hard memorizing my monologue since I just wrote it last week. I've got it pretty much memorized, and can perform it pretty decent, but the hard part is throwing in that added little extra to make it really nice. I don't have that yet, and if I try to do it, I'm afraid that I'll mess up the rest of it. As I get more comfortable performing it, though, I'll hopefully add in a little.

But, yeah, I'm tired. And when I get home at night, I need a little time to just wind down....which usually pushes me to 1 or 2am on getting to sleep. I plan on sleeping in Saturday morning. When I do get home at night, though, I've been reading a friend's SRS journal. She had her surgery last week and I've been following her recovery. It's nice to read it and get another positive experience so close to my own surgery.

When I mentioned how busy I have been to Amber the other day, we both kinda mentioned that this has kept me distracted, and prevented me from worrying about the upcoming surgery. It does to a degree, but I think it has also helped me to look back at things a little. On my drives to and fro, when I'm not practicing my lines, I'm definitely doing a lot of thinking...and reminiscing about life before I addressed a lot of the T stuff. Life was miserable. I simply was not me. I was uncomfortable with who I was, but was comfortable enough to let people see what they wanted to see. I feel so much better as me now. Let me just say again...surgery sucks, but it's currently the only option with moving on with life.