Conversation Killer

Tonight I was at the final exam for my dance class. It consisted of showing up at the instructor’s house for a small party to watch the taped performances from last week (which I decided not to participate in since I would have had a hard time making the practices, missed a few weeks of classes with surgery, and wouldn’t have been able to participate both of the nights they performed).

All of the girls that were there were pushing their early 20’s at the oldest, with the instructor having kids nearly as old as them. Some of them talked about the days when they used to be a cheerleader in high school, which is quite evident with the way they were able to move their bodies. Anyway....as we’re watching the performances, one of the girls, who was not in class last year when I was still a guy, calls me ‘he’.

Although I’m fairly secure with myself, it still bothered me that someone who never knew me as a guy was calling me 'he', and/or, thought of me as a guy. I’m sure some of the other girls who were in the class last year probably told her who I used to be, but she’s the first one that didn’t know me from before that has called me ‘he’ or ‘him’.

I think this is a signal for me to move on from this class. Although the instructor and the people in the class were very supportive, it’s still annoying having someone use a pronoun they probably never would have associated with me had they not been told.

After that party, I was off to another party....a farewell party for a T friend...who was not out to any of the other people attending the party. So, the people that were there were also not aware that I was TS...as far as I knew.

During the course of the night, I was sitting across from my friend’s brother and the brother’s wife. Ironically, she had the same name I used to have, and started talking about the relationship between her name and her brother’s name.

“I used to have a brother that had the same name as you," I said to my friends’ sister in-law. "I remember him mentioning the same phonetic characteristic."

"Used to....", she inquired.

I paused. "Yeah....used to. But it's ok......he moved on to a better place."

Good job. I just killed that conversation. I guess that really wasn’t the best way to bring up any reference to things I already knew, but which were in relation to a previous life as a guy...with a different name, a different past, a different set of body parts, a different dynamic.........just different....

I guess we live and learn as life goes on. Perhaps I should use “have a friend” instead of “had a brother” if I ever want to talk in the future about things relating to my male past.