It’s funny how important events in our lives slowly fade into memories...distant dreams. Even SRS, an event I built up before, but realized wasn’t that big during it, is something that I’m mainly reminded about only when I think about it.
There are things that will probably remind me of it for a long time. And you know what, I don’t mind. It was a positive experience for me. Like a girl who finally has her period, some might say, “Kara, you are now a woman.” However one wants to put it, I feel very comfortable as me now.
Memories for me, though, are sometimes triggered by rather unique senses. When I was a child, I remember the smell of these particular flowers that were in the planters by the front door of my grandparent’s house. Every time I smell those flowers now, I’m reminded of their house and the times my family visited.
I’m reminded of my FFS journey whenever I visit Noe Valley, or see the front license plate on my car that was scraped in my mom’s little accident, or wear the black scarf that I bought at Mia’s Flower’s and Gifts just around the corner from Cocoon, or fix pancakes (since the first time I ever fixed them myself was in Cocoon).
I bought the candle to bring back from Arizona as an aromatic reminder, but there will probably be some other things that will remind me. Will I ever think of rubber duckies the same? Also, I created a little CD before the trip. I created one for Amber before hers last year, and based on her ‘weiner roast’ party’s name, Wangapalooza, I named the CD the same thing. So, this year’s CD was Wangapalooza Volume 2. Here’s the list of songs I put on it:
1. Where My Heart Will Take Me - variety
2. Just A Girl - No Doubt
3. I Can’t Tell The Boys From The Girls - Lester Flatt
4. Boulevard of Broken Dreams - Green Day
5. Sex Change - Snap-Her
6. Meant to Live - Switchfoot
7. The Change - Cledus T. Judd
8. The Reason - Hoobastank
9. When You’re a Tuesday Girl - The Tuesdays
10. 100 Years - Five For Fighting
11. Just Be A Woman - Lenny Kravitz
12. Hurt - Johnny Cash
13. Coin-Operated Boy - The Dresden Dolls
14. Welcome to My Life - Simple Plan
15. Everyday is a Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
16. Shooting Stars - Edwin McCain
17. Save Tonight - Eagle-Eye Cherry
18. Time To Move On - Tom Petty
19. This Is Your Life - Switchfoot
Some of these songs will definitely remind me of the experience. Some are just fun songs that I dug up which I will probably never hear again unless I play the CD. Some are very popular songs that just talk about the different things life throws at us and how we deal with them. I likened some to the pain and joys of dilation, one to the day of the week that I had the operation on, and some that speak about simply being a woman. One might ask why I have Save Tonight on the list. If you actually listen to the song and think of the singer singing from the perspective of a penis, it’s actually quite funny...and believe it or not, it was sort of a farewell/send-off song that actually got me to cry a few times before surgery. I will never think of that song the same way ever again.
I’ve been home for over 2 weeks now, but it seems like forever. Perhaps dilation has done that to me. I won’t know what to do with myself when I actually decrease to twice a day from the current four times a day.
Tonight, though, I was able to slide #4 in without warming up with #3. I’ll probably have to use #3 to initially warm up for a few more days until I can get #4 in by itself, but it was rather encouraging. I wonder if I’ll have to order #5 or not. I guess I’ll see how #4 goes.
I’m still kinda worried about my clitoris. It’s not looking black or anything, but the skin around it doesn’t seem to be healing that well compared to the rest of the incisions. In fact, most of the other ones are pretty much healed, even the slight tear in the bottom triangle area. I’m thinking about making an appointment with one of the local T docs or sending in a picture to Dr. Meltzer’s office....just to be sure things are going OK.
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