Junk Mail

Yeah, I received junk mail this past weekend that was addressed to Kara. They already found me. It was a J. Crew catalog, even though I don’t usually receive one, and I haven’t even finished changing everything over to my new name.

I was in to see my therapist today. First, I have to say that I have been feeling tired the past few days. It could be that I put in two decent runs this weekend and didn’t get enough sleep last night, or it could just be transition stuff wearing me down. Most likely it’s not getting enough sleep.

Anyway, we chatted about my trip to see Dr. Meltzer. I asked her about my concern over becoming a surgery junkie with FFS and the laugh line reduction. She gave me one of her good answers as usual, basically saying it’s OK to do what you need to do as long as you understand why you are doing it, and not just doing it to do it. At least that’s what I got out of it. I also told her I was very happy with my FFS results, even though I realized I wasn’t super pretty, although I do look feminine.

We also talked about the best response for people who still slip up on my name. For instance, this morning, Mike says, “Hey K…, blah blah blah?” I kinda jokingly respond, “It’s KARA!” I hear him say, “Oh yeah.” Anyway, she said to definitely keep it in a kind or humorous manner, and to not make too much of a deal about it.

I went over my philosophy of the previous interviews for my new manager, and she suggested I should have said that there was someone who was transgender in the office, instead of telling them I was TS, and see how they responded to that. Good advice.

We then skipped into my policy of basically being up front with people about my TS situation. I told her I was OK hanging out with T friends and non-T friends, as well as people who didn’t know I was TS. The way I figure it, if someone is going to have trouble with me then I don’t want to be around them anyway. She also suggested, though, that in the future if I meet someone, perhaps it might not be best to tell them right away, but let them get to know me as a normal girl before they know the past. Again, good advice.

I also told her about a little incidence this past weekend. After electro on Saturday, I decided to do a little shopping. I wasn’t wearing any makeup and was slightly swollen from electro. When I was trying some stuff on in the dressing room of a women’s clothing store, I heard the attendant say to someone else, “she, he, or whatever,” likely referring to me. My therapist said that people have the ability to be very caring, but they also have the ability to be very cruel. I think I talked about it before, where we get pissed at drivers on the freeway, but when it’s someone we know, we are much kinder. Most of my friends have been very kind and compassionate with my transition. They have learned a lot. Kathy, for instance, was able to point out to Diana that a guy they saw getting a makeover in the mall was probably transgender. They’ve done well with it, mainly because they are just very nice people. They have also become sensitized to my transition. I think as more people become sensitized to people who have transitioned, I think people will be less cruel to us. Well, at least I hope so. I realize there will always be insecure cruel hateful people, but I think the average person will now be able to see more about what we have to go through.

Anyway, she said I need to wait until 6 months after I have finished electrolysis to see how the skin looks, which can really help with my appearance. I told her I was starting to get close, having the face cleared in about 3 hours now, although I still have a lot of stuff stuck underneath the skin. She said I would also get the benefits of a couple more years on the hormones, which would continue to make drastic differences in both my face and the rest of my body. I hope so.