In the chair

I thought I’d throw together a summary of this past week at work. Y and I talked a little during our bi-weekly one on one. We talked about my timeline and how it affects the different projects I’m on. At the end, he asked me what the hormones do for me, and so I explained to him that I’m on an anti-androgen called Spironolactone which prevents testosterone from binding at the receptor sites and Premarin which is conjugated estrogen. The “spiro”, as it’s more commonly known, is a potassium sparing diuretic which has also been used as a high blood pressure medicine. It lowered my testosterone count from 754 down to under 20. The estrogen, in combination with the spiro, has made my body hair finer, redistributed fat in my face, butt, and thighs, caused me to tire more easily, grown breasts, and intensified my emotions. I feel calmer and more at ease, but that’s probably just a subconscious reaction to knowing that I am taking the medication and moving forward along my path.

Robi has done pretty good with the news ever since the first day. I’ve chatted with her a little about the bathroom situation and having my hair straightened. She thinks the biggest trouble with the bathrooms will be with the women of different cultures who might not have grown up here in the US. She’s probably right.

Pete has been very professional on the whole thing. He’s shared a few of his own personal concerns, not about me, but just about some of his own. They aren't problems, but just things he would like to improve about himself in general.

G has also done pretty good. He didn’t really say anything the first day after I gave him the letter. The main reason, he said, is because he didn’t have any questions. He said he’s already gone through all of this at one of his previous employers, although he didn’t really know the past transitioner.

Although Y is my direct boss, I decided to send a letter to our group manager, who has recently become our manager due to the company’s reorganizations. His letter back was very professional and he basically stated that he was fine with my transition, that people said I was a good worker, and that he valued a person’s work more so than their gender. Cool.

HR and I haven’t talked since Monday, but I did receive a short term disability packet in the mail discussing state benefits including all of the forms.

Anyway, things are pretty good so far. I will probably disclose to the project manager of one of the larger projects I am on since we are on a pretty tight schedule. We’ll see how much my “vacation” will affect the overall timeline of my sections of the project.

On a lighter note, I was down for electro again this past week, and picked up dinner at the usual place. Brandon the bartender recognized me as soon as I walked up to the bar, even though it was packed solid. He had my receipt to me before I could even get my wallet out. He really took care of me this time as I was in and out in less than a few minutes.

After electro and over at Brooke’s, we got on the subject of her being fairly girlie. She said that she’s had numerous comments at work, as I can see why. She doesn’t have much hair on her face anymore, and the hair on her head looks like a girl’s style no matter how she wears it...down or in a ponytail. I told her that the people I’ve come out to lately haven’t had a clue, and she expected her coworkers to simply say, “So that’s what’s going on.” She reminded me, though, that I set out to not tip any of my coworkers off about my journey because I didn’t want to lose my job. Brooke is financially well off, so losing her job doesn’t really matter to her, in fact, at one point, she planned on losing it instead of transitioning on the job. But she was right, I set about my journey so that no one would notice. I only thinned during electro for my first 150 hours, then started stripping once it was thin enough to not look like hair patches had been plowed in my face. I’ve been hiding my breast growth for almost 1.5 years now with baggy shirts and sweatshirts. I have my hair in this ugly ass ponytail that my disclosurized coworkers thought was “just a bad hair decision” before they knew why it was being grown out. My hair just does not look good this long, without some serious styling.

Saturday during my drug induced coma during electrolysis, Brooke and my electro were chatting about something that really kinda got me upset. I can’t really remember exactly what it was (...it was the drugs, man, and, hey, I’m getting old), but I just didn’t say anything. I knew I was under the drugs and I didn’t want to say anything stupid. I know they were talking about something similar to just not understanding that there are all different types of people in the world, and sometimes we need to accommodate them as well. For example, at the TGSF Holiday Social in 2002, they sang Christian religious songs. Sure, that’s fine and dandy with all Christians, but what happens when someone else of a different religion or a non-religion attends the Holiday Social? I asked this of the person who brought the song books, and she said she was instructed by another person as to which songs to choose from. This year, they sang more non-religious songs for the Social, which I took as a positive direction considering there were still a few religious songs. I just chalked these up to their favorites. Anyway, Brooke and my electro kinda hit my moody button with their misunderstanding and lack of seeing the bigger picture, but I knew to just calmly disregard their thoughts while the drugs wore off and I was feeling back to normal. And as you can tell, it’s not that big of a concern because I can’t even remember what got me upset with them. :P

After my session, my electro pointed me to DSW for their huge selection of shoes. And was she right. Wow. They had a ton of shoes at a decent price, although they didn’t always have my size. After finding a few shoes in the regularly priced areas, I ran through the sales racks just to check. As I rummaged through the 9 1/2 sizes shoes, I noticed that the other women in the same section were about 5’ 10”. Doh....I’m only 5’5”. I guess I will always be a little short for my shoe size.

After that, I went over to Macy’s to check on the black boots that I saw earlier, and to hopefully find my correct size. On the walk through the mall to Macy’s, I found these cute magnet earrings in a tiny little shop. I bought about 7 different pairs since I’m too late to have my ears pierced before FFS next month. Then, after trying the boots on at Macy’s, I decided I didn’t fully like the style, nor how it made my feet look extremely long...longer than they really are. While I was shopping there, though, I saw one of the most beautiful women I have ever seen. She was about 5’9”, thin, with all of the right curves, straight jet-black hair, pretty face, nice complexion, and she was walking around trying on these spiked black boots. I was so jealous, even though I know it was just a physical jealousy. To make me feel better, though, we’ll just say she was a real bitch. :)

Afterward, Brooke, Susan, Kelly and I walked down to the Chinese place and ate lunch. I ate half of mine with the diet, while everyone else chowed down on theirs. Bottomless stomach-Brooke ordered the same thing as me, finished off her plate, then started on what Kelly had left over....and Brooke is still super skinny. She’s working through a dizziness issue right now, but still able to eat a ton and not gain any weight...in fact, she’s losing weight.

Even though I was swollen from the electro, I still decided to attend the MAC makeovers we had through TGSF. I just had a basic makeover since I’ve seen them really do a flashy number sometimes. These artists are used to working on women’s faces, not men’s who want to look like women. So, when they do their normal shotgun spray method, one usually ends up looking like a drag queen. I had to tell her the little hints so that I didn’t end up that way, such as only going so far on the lips then fading away in the corners, and not to go heavy on the eyebrows. She listened really well to my input, and I left there with a nice little makeover. I also purchased some of their great makeup, including switching over to a less coverage foundation since I have less facial hair to cover now.

I was then off to let Boobers out to pee, then out to San Francisco to have dinner with Claire and Amy. It took forever to find a parking space, and even though I was late to Claire’s apartment, they still weren’t ready to go. Finally, we caught dinner across the street at a little Italian place, back to her apartment to freshen up, then off to our main attraction for the night: Diva’s. Claire and Amy had never been, so they wanted me to take them since I had been there before. I’m not a huge fan of the place simply because all the incredible young girls make me feel jealous and all the creepy chasers are just unsettling, plus the dance floor isn’t that big. Finally, there are just too many working T’s in there trying to lure in customers. It becomes a real show-off-fest late into the night and can become kinda annoying. We were able to get a little time in on the dance floor though, with Claire showing us a few of her dance moves. I was trying my best to get into the dance beat as well, but I could only go a little while before feeling a little off balance. I think I was just too tired. I think Amy and Claire, along with myself, would prefer to go to a regular club next time, and Claire even mentioned satisfying my request to go to the lesbian club, The Cherry Bar. They have a kick ass dance floor and plenty of women to study for dance fluidity. Plus, they serve a very flavorful Cherry 7up for those of us who don’t drink. Claire and Amy, on the other hand, we’re feeling a little “happy” with the wine they had consumed earlier, especially Amy. At least they are both happy drunks, well, Amy is, but Claire wasn’t really that drunk. Amy’s funny line of the night: “I didn’t drink until after I met Claire.”

Today, I spent this morning doing laundry and ironing some of my new work clothes. I was also ironing them in preparation for this afternoon’s interviews with the Cotillion judges. I think I have a favorite already...dark gray wool pants with this nice white button up with soft blue stripes. The shirt...er....blouse tries to flatter my non-existent female curves, but it can only do so much. I couldn’t find my little black socks, so I just wore my new black shoes without them. Ouch, that bit me later on in the shape of a nice set of blisters.

The interviews themselves went quite well, I think. The judges consist of Ayme the TGSF newsletter editor, Connie the photographer, Aunt Fran the radio DJ who transitioned recently in the SF Bay Area, Gwen Smith, Mr. TGSF 2003 Tyler filling in for Ms. GAPA 2003, Daddy Alan Selby, and Daddy Ray Tilton. I think the title “Daddy” is a part of the leather community. I knew all of them before today, except Aunt Fran and the two Daddy’s, although I had seen or heard about all of them before.

They asked some tough questions, but I think I worked through with some solid answers. They initially asked about what type of transgender person I was, and I said I was a transsexual in the middle of transition, with an upcoming court date this week to change my name, as well as going full time in March. I had some good compliments from a few on the panel, and then finished up by gabbing with fellow contestant Anne Louise in the waiting area. Since I’m contestant #8 of eight, I was the last one to interview.

I have everything picked out to wear for the Cotillion, I just need to really practice my dance number. And we’re talking some serious practice, here. OK, time to shake the bootie a little.