Spicy or Original

Today was my original date for FFS. Whew, I’m glad it got pushed back a few weeks.

Sunday night, I went to bed around 1:30am after taking a nap earlier in the evening. I had a dream that I was driving in a car with someone sitting in the passenger seat. We saw a UFO in the sky, then I remember not being able to move. I knew that I had been in the car driving, and that we must have crashed but I wasn’t able to move so I tried yelling. Slowly, I faded back to consciousness and realized I was dreaming. While dreaming, there is an automatic response in your body that paralyzes yourself to prevent you from acting out your dreams. In this case, I was trying to move, but couldn’t since the mechanism that prevented me during dreaming was still activated. And this, I believe, is the reason why so many people think they have been abducted. They are waking from a dream and can’t move, and it scares them. It’s happened to me a few times, but it’s not alien abduction. At least I don’t think it is. So, at 2am, I was back to sleep.

Yesterday, coworker PJ was giving me friendly trouble about what football shirt/team I was wearing that day. I showed him my Packer sweatshirt just like usual, to give him trouble with his 49ers (or 40 whiners as I like to call them) that he likes. He then asks, “What shirt are you wearing for the Super Bowl?”

Thinking he would say New England or Carolina, I told him I’ll wear anything he wants because I really don’t favor one or the other. He grinned, and then I thought, “Oh no. You just set yourself up to have to wear a 49er shirt.”

But no. He says, “Lace” and starts to chuckle. I just sat down and started laughing as he walked away.

Last night I was able to arrange 2 more hours of electro. Brooke hung out with us as well. During the time there, we had some deep conversations, with me sometimes the only one with the opposing view. Well, they both got me upset again, and since I was the only one, AND under the influence of pain killing drugs while experiencing electrolysis pain, I totally felt like I was being ganged up on. I remember the subject this time...the Standards of Care. That topic has caused a debate on one of my yahoo groups as well, simply because there are a few who do not fit the standard group of transsexuals who therapists believe can benefit from transitioning. I have used the Standards as a guide. If there are areas that are going to hold me back from my transition, then I have looked at ways to improve myself. Fortunately, I haven’t had that many things to work on besides my own physical transition. I didn’t have any major depression nor any other psychological problems other than my GID. I have watched how some TS have successfully transitioned, and I have seen how others have simply taken a ride that cannot end outside of crashing and burning. The Standards are there to assist us in a successful transition, and if one doesn’t want to follow them, that’s fine with me...just don’t phuck up my transition, and don’t come whining to me when you lose your job and friends because you are whacked. I had to relate to Brooke on how I saw the Standards. The Standards are similar to the speed limits. Sure, you can drive as fast as you want as long you don’t hurt anyone. If, however, you crash into someone who is going the speed limit, then shame on you, and yes, you better run with your tail between your legs because people will be out for you. So, why not follow the rules and benefit by flowing with traffic on the journey to a successful transition? Sure, there are some aspects to the Standards that might need refinement, but in general, they are there to help with a successful transition.

Uggghhhh....I’m tired. Off to bed.