My trip

I spent the past five days on a little trip. Last Friday, I flew into Phoenix to visit Amber after her partial FFS. Donna was out of town at Gold Rush, so I figured it would be good to stay with Amber when no one else was around. Fortunately, there was one other person staying there, but she wasn't always around.

Thus, Amber and I just kinda hung out for a day. She visited me a few times after my own FFS, especially while everyone else was off at the all-transgender performance of the Vagina Monologues in LA in 2004. She had this uncanny ability to make me laugh (and still does), but every time I did laugh, it hurt. It hurt to laugh. How ironic is that?

So, I figured making her laugh a few times was part of paybacks. OK, I didn't travel all the way to Phoenix just to make her laugh, but I did incorporate my trip there with a trip I was already making home to see my parents.

My mom had her 4th chemo session last Thursday. She was still relatively tired when I showed up on Saturday, but was feeling quite a bit better on Sunday. We hung out until yesterday when I flew back.

She's going thru quite a bit right now. She lost her hair back in early January and still has a nasty smoker's cough giving her trouble. When someone smokes during their chemo, you start to realize just how powerful the addiction really is. She knows she needs to quit, but it's just so hard for her to do it right now. One of our discussions revolved around smoking and how important it was for her to quit. I haven't tried to make her stop in a long time since it's something only she can do. I can't offer any solutions, but I asked her to figure out why she does it. Isn't that the way to look at conflict? Why did I transition? What was I hiding from? Why did I live as a man for so long? Why was I afraid to tell my friends and family? Why was I afraid to be me?

Once those hard questions are answered and excuses are no longer used, can someone find a way of dealing with the issues. I told my mom she needs to find something to replace the smoking...something to replace the reason she does it. When it comes to any addiction, though, those first few weeks are extremely hard. When I quit caffeine cold turkey in the mid-90's, those first few weeks were filled with headaches, feeling tired, and just a plain horrible feeling. I was able to drink decaffeinated drinks as a supplement, but slowly weaned myself off the stuff. Nowadays, it's hard to remember how caffeine made me feel during the day, but I will admit that I slip in a regular Coke or Dr. Pepper about once or twice a year when I'm in a boring day class and about to fall asleep. It's about the only thing I can do to stay awake. Other than that, though, I try not to touch the stuff.

Anyway, when I landed last night, I had a message from my dad that my mom was running a temperature and headed for the hospital. Later, I found out she has pneumonia again, and will need further treatments. Would she have it if she wasn't smoking....who knows.

On a more positive note, as I was headed to baggage claim, I thought I recognized a friend.

"V?"

Yup, Vaniity (nudity in link) had just arrived from LA and had been waiting on Sam to pick her and her luggage up. The three of us chatted for a few minutes then I headed for my transportation home. OK, she's a porn star, but even when she's dressed in regular attire and not wearing any makeup, she still gets a bunch of guys to turn their heads wondering who she is.