Stop It

Where did July go? First I was off to Arizona with Amber for her SRS, then it was my birthday, and now it’s already over. Wow, it really flew by.

So, anyway, I sent an email to Andrea James of TSRoadMap.com recently because, well, I was looking for some advice on a touchy subject and she has way more experience than I. As I told her, I planned the dog shit out of my transition. A number of years ago, I read her site and learned the ways one could go about having a successful transition. I understand that ‘successful’ means a lot to different people, but I wanted to be comfortable being me while also allowing others to see who I was. The basic formula, in my mind, involves letting your feminine essence shine through. For me, it involved breaking down a lot of male barriers as well as letting my essence shine. That also meant working on my presentation, voice, vibe, electrolysis, and finally facial surgery.

Now some say I had it easy by having facial surgery. They might be correct, but dangit, I saved up a lot of money and spent a number of years living in the shell of a man. It wasn’t easy, but I was patient. Some people aren’t patient, though, and suffer some of the pain that society can inflict upon the gender variant. Some lose their jobs, friends, whatever, because they don’t let that vibe and essence fully mature, or at least mature to a point where one can walk down the street and not get yelled at. Or they let that vibe mature in places where it shouldn’t.

In a forum I participate in, there was a T that said she was wearing some feminine items to work, even though she was still living in boy mode. Some of the people at her work were teasing her about those items. After asking her if she was going to work in boy mode, I sent the following response:

There was a funny skit on MadTV a few years ago. It had a woman talking to her therapist, played by Bob Newhart. In the skit, the woman told him that she kept doing different stuff and it caused her psychological pain. His diagnosis: "STOP IT". 

    The reason I asked if you were in boy mode or not is because you are causing yourself the undue stress. I know the bracelet and other items may provide that feminine feeling while you are making your way through boy mode at work, but STOP IT! Go to work as a guy and work - work - work! Try to use work as a haven to keeping your job. If they see you wearing girls stuff, or doing girl things, you will start to feel the usual jabbing. If you go to HR, you'll just be setting off bells, although that would be the best way to go. The best thing is to just stop wearing the girl stuff until you are full time. 

    I know you don't want to hear that, but it's one of the keys to a successful transition...unless you are living in a very tolerant area. 

    The guys at work knew that I shaved my legs...for cycling. And they gave me crap for my ponytail. And a few knew that I shaved my arms too, but that's all I gave them...nothing else.

So, I asked Andrea how she dealt with situations with people who addressed transition differently. There really isn’t a good answer, she said, but she did shed a little light on all of it for me. Anyway, if you are going through transition, read up on her site, especially this part about the workplace. And, please, don’t just show up at work one day wearing a dress.